


Cracks in blackout blinds

by markhyuckfest, taeyomi (buttercream)



Category: NCT (Band), SM Rookies
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Underage Drinking, brief side NoRenMin, side noren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 01:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 46,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17091590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markhyuckfest/pseuds/markhyuckfest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttercream/pseuds/taeyomi
Summary: Prompt number:MH035Side Pairings (if any):Jeno/Renjun, brief Jeno/Renjun/JaeminWarnings:Underage drinking (despite all characters being of age in the fic, dream members are still underage, so).Summary:Among case studies, lectures and writing papers, there's barely space for breathing in Mark's life. Absolutely no room for bright-haired, glitter-clad, cheery little Summer Boys who smile too wide whenever they look at Mark.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’d like to give a shout out to S, G, and K, who have helped me with this. There wasn’t much editing for this fic, so you might encounter some honest mistakes here and there. Keep in mind that whenever “making out” and “hooking up” are mentioned, there is no sexual activity involved. Those expressions are referring to kissing. Moreover, there’s no sex in this fic. At all. If you think you’re reading something that might lead to smut (or the thought of it), think again LOL. That said, I was obsessed with this fic for a couple months. I hope you can read it and find it enjoyable.
> 
> I should have spent more time editing this fic :<

The jingling of keys on the other side of the door marks the end of yet another night out. A short one. Mark barely lifts his eyes from the screen of his computer as the party comes in. There are three people; Renjun, who’s being positively carried in by Yukhei (who doesn’t look much better), followed by that one friend of his Mark sometimes forgets the name of. He guesses he should be worried that his roommate has lost the ability to maneuver himself, but this is a really important assignment. He still got like two weeks until the deadline, but Mark doesn’t like hoarding homework. Besides, there are two people to help Renjun as he pukes his guts out (unfortunately, Mark has been blessed with outstanding hearing, which makes it impossible to ignore the retching noises coming from the bathroom).

With a resigned sigh, he goes back to his paper. He’s been typing for a good hour, and he could definitely use a break. A warm cup of tea is starting to sound like a good idea when the noises coming from the bathroom start getting louder. Sounds like Renjun has stopped hurling, but now Yukhei seems to be convincing him to keep his shirt on. Mark lets out a snort, filing the episode under ‘reasons why I’d rather die a hermit’. He stretches as he crosses the short distance from their tiny living room to the kitchen, pondering over Jasmine and Oolong tea.

He’s got the electric kettle on when the one Mark keeps forgetting the name exits the bathroom. He huffs, looking as if he just saw something he’d rather not. He makes his way over and sits at one of the two stools by their counter. His eyes meet Mark’s, and he chuckles.

“He’s had a lot to drink.”

Mark hums, “Yeah. Is everything okay in there?”

This is not the first time Mark talks to him . He’s usually the one who brings Renjun back home after a night partying, and more often than not, Mark finds himself exchanging brief words with him. When his brain fails to provide him with a name, Mark usually fills in with Summer Boy. He doesn’t know exactly why but suspects it’s because of his hair: kinda weird, but bright as a summer day. To be honest, his hair is not the only bright thing about him. Everything about this dude screams energy. He’s usually wearing makeup whenever he comes over (probably because he only comes over after Renjun blacks out while clubbing or whatever), and he dresses like he wants to make a statement. Mark is still trying to figure out what his platform crocs are trying to say.

But he’s pretty. Full, rosy cheeks and smooth-looking lips. Summer Boy holds himself like he knows he’s pretty, and he wants to make sure everyone else is aware as well.

“He’s attempting to get naked,” he supplies, and his eyes roll. “As usual.”

Mark tries not to look too judgemental as he offers a weak smile. He’s been living with Renjun for a year, but they restrict themselves to chats about school and trivial subjects like movies. He’s not really up to par with the number of times Renjun’s gotten naked in a bathroom.

“What are you making?”

“Huh?” Mark blinks at him, and Summer Boy points at the kettle. “Oh. Tea. Would you… Would you like some?”

At that, Summer Boy makes a face. “I’m more of a coffee person.”

“There’s coffee somewhere in here,” Mark muses out loud, then faces the other. “If you’re willing to look for it.”

Summer Boy waves a hand. “Nah, that’s fine. I’m just waiting for Yukhei so we can go home.”

Silence takes over for a while. Mark places a cup on the counter, dropping a tea bag (he ends up going with Oolong) in it. By the time Yukhei comes out, having wrestled Renjun all the way to his bed, Mark’s tea is already brewing. Summer Boy smiles at him before following Yukhei out and Mark nods at him, sipping at too hot liquid and effectively burning his tongue.

 

The next morning greets a grumpy Renjun. Grumpier if possible, with the effects of a powerful hangover. He’s already awake when Mark comes out of his room. Renjun drags himself around the kitchen as if he’s just crawled out of a grave.

“Well you look like shit,” Mark says, leaning back on the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. “Hope it was worth it.”

Renjun just grumbles.

“What did you drink last night?”

“I have no idea,” his roommate says, voice a little rough. “It was this purple thing they were passing around.”

“Did you have only one?”

“One too many.” He groans again, finally turning around to face Mark. “How did I get home?”

“Your henchmen brought you in.” Renjun frowns at him as if he’s trying to figure out who Mark’s talking about. “Yukhei and Su-” halts. Avoids nearly calling Renjun’s unnamed friend Summer Boy. “Someone with really bright hair? Blond, a bit orangey?”

“Ah, Hyuckie. Did we come in late?”

 _Hyuckie_. Somehow, Mark thinks the name fits the person. It’s cute and bright. Like him.

“Not really. It was early, actually. I guess you got pretty hammered pretty fast.”

Renjun curses under his breath. “I’ll never trust fucking Jungwoo again.”

\--

When he was younger, Mark wanted to be an author. There was nothing poetic about it, just the fact that he loved reading, and thought that creating stories for others would bring him the same enjoyment he got from reading. He liked it - writing. He loved coming up with characters and background stories and setting up scenarios that perhaps wouldn’t even happen in real life, but anything is possible when imagination is at play. He loved that. And Mark’s always had a great imagination; his mother used to tell him. She still does, whenever she calls and he’s not too swamped in school work to pick up. Sometimes during their calls, she’ll go silent for a second, and ask him if he’s happy. If Law gives him the same sort of joy he got from writing. If he thinks being a lawyer or a judge or whatever he’ll end up being after school is the right choice. He tells her yes because he doesn’t want her to worry too much. And because it’s not too bad. He likes learning about legislation and civil procedures. This term he’s taking a course on copyright law and it’s one of the most interesting subjects he’s studied so far. It’s good. He’s good.

The thing is that Mark has always been a smart kid. People kept reminding him about his potential, how far he could go, how successful he could be with a mind like his. Why would he choose to be an author when he could be a lawyer or a doctor? A businessman, perhaps. Mark knew they were right. There were so many people out there busting their asses every day, working hard to achieve something that, if he wanted, he could just reach for and take it. So he did. He can’t say it’s a choice he’ll come to regret in the future, because who’s to say he’s never going to write again? So for now, he’ll work hard on getting this degree, which involves exiting his 6 PM lecture to sit in the library for a bit.

He’s got an article to finish reading and the next campus shuttle won’t be leaving until 8:35 PM. The library is nearly empty. Mark chooses to sit by the tables in the center where the wifi signal is the best. He never manages to get a spot there during the day because it’s usually so crowded. Not tonight, though. Tonight it’s only Mark and this other dude with the white hoodie and the bright, weird hair sitting at the table in front of him.

The guy scratches his hair with the rubber end of his pencil. Mark blinks. He knows that hair. A mess of auburn, blond, and orange strands. Mark’s probably been staring too long, because the guy looks up, and widens his eyes as he takes Mark in.

Summer Boy Hyuckie.

The corners of his mouth tip upward, and he lifts a hand in greeting. Mark reciprocates the gesture, and Hyuckie mouths something at him. It’s nearly impossible to understand, so Mark asks _what?_ back.

Hyuckie checks his surroundings before saying in a moderate voice, “Why don’t you sit over here?”

Well. Sitting with Hyuckie probably means he won’t get any reading done, and refusing the invitation will seem rude. Knowing he’ll get to finish the article later, Mark walks over to Hyuckie’s table and sits down.

“What are you doing in Park Hall? Aren’t you studying arts or something?” Hyuckie himself has told him that during one of their quick chats. He had asked what Mark was majoring in.

“I take a seminar here,” Hyuckie says. He seems different under these lights. His hair, albeit still weird, is… A bit muted. His bare face looks almost soft, nothing like the sharp glittery glory he appears in when he drags a drunk Renjun home. His lips are chapped, and his teeth peek from where they’re parted.

“Oh? Which one?” Mark questions. It’s none of his business, but he’s curious to know what kind of Law school course might have interested someone like Hyuckie.

“LGBT Policy and Litigation.” Hyuckie places his pencil down and tilts his head to the side. “Last term I took one called Diversity and Dispute Resolution. I’ve been checking the course catalog for next year and they’ll open up one about internet security, I’ll probably come back.”

“I’ve got Diversity and Dispute Resolution this term,” Mark says, a little in awe that Hyuckie managed to get a spot in the seminar last year when not even Mark did. “Why are you taking so many Law courses?”

Hyuckie shrugs, “It’s not about law. If I see something interesting, I just go for it. I like politics, so… I guess that’s it.”

Huh. Mark would never have guessed that. Maybe it’s shitty of him to have judged Hyuckie by the way he dresses or the color of his hair. It’s just… He hangs out with Renjun and the latter is always rolling his eyes whenever Mark mentions the stuff he studies.

“And you?” Hyuckie asks. “It’s a bit late, why aren’t you home?”

Mark makes a point of checking his clock. “Not that late. On Thursdays, I get home at eleven.”

Hyuckie chuckles, “Renjun told me you were an overachiever.”

He can’t say he’s surprised, honestly. The fact that Hyuckie and Renjun talked about him at some point surprises him a little more.

Still, Mark feels like he should explain himself. Scratching the back of his neck, he says, “It’s just that I’m not doing anything else with my time. Why not take on a huge courseload?”

“There’s a lot you could actually do with your time instead of taking on a huge courseload.”

“That’s funny coming from someone who travels all the way across campus to take on seminars with only _two_ course credits. I think you’re an overachiever too, Hyuckie.”

Upon hearing his name, Hyuckie tilts his head to the side. “Hyuckie,” he repeats, inquisitive.

A sense of dread threatens to spread all over Mark. “That’s your name, isn’t it?”

“It’s how Renjun calls me.”

Mark blinks at him. “Then what’s your name?”

“I should be offended that you forgot.” He levels Mark with a look. “It’s Donghyuck.”

He stares at Mark long enough for his cheeks to start tingling. “Sorry. You usually come in at night when I’m past zombie hours and in a usual tea-induced stupor so…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Donghyuck says, and his mouth quirks up. “Just don’t forget again.”

 

Forgetting his name again would be quite hard considering that every Tuesday, Mark finds Donghyuck sitting at that same table in the library at Park Hall. Most times he’s reading, highlighter in hand. Sometimes, though, he’s sketching. On those days Mark sits next to him and watches. Donghyuck will tell him about whatever he’s drawing, what inspired him, what he’s planning on doing with it once it’s finished.

Sometimes they’ll grab a coffee while they wait for the shuttle. Donghyuck talks about the lecture and what he learned, and he asks Mark about his day; if he’s learned anything worth sharing. They have whole conversations about stuff like constitutional law, stuff that no one else ever wants to hear about, but surprisingly Donghyuck finds interesting. He helps, too. He looks over Mark’s assignments and he offers input, which is actually super valid. Little by little, Mark is convinced that Donghyuck is a genius. It’s just not possible for someone to hold such a wide range of knowledge. He can talk about law, art, music, and Mark bets that if he threw gardening into the conversation Donghyuck would have no problems following up.

“You didn’t know?” Renjun frowns one afternoon when they’re walking back home after grabbing lunch together on campus.

Mark has just mentioned being intrigued by how easily Donghyuck can slip into conversation with pretty much anyone, about any topic whatsoever.

“Know what?”

“Hyuckie is really smart. He’s got a scholarship… Or is it a fellowship? I don’t know, he’s got something going on that’s like, important. There was an article on the papers about a project he developed when he was in high school, something involving renewable energy?” Renjun shrugs. “He mentioned it once, but I forgot.”

Mark is stunned.

“Renewable energy?” He asks dumbly. “Like… A school project?”

“Nah, it was something he came up with on his own. The school helped I guess, but it wasn’t an assignment.”

According to Google, Donghyuck organized a whole event to gather money in order to install solar panels in his school. It was a huge thing in his town.

It becomes easy to picture the whole thing after Mark learns about it. It looks like something Donghyuck would do. They don’t really know each other apart from Tuesday evenings and late-night weekend run-ins, but gathering money to install solar panels really sounds like something Donghyuck would be invested in. Donghyuck, who takes lectures on diversity and litigation while writing entire articles about the Dada art movement.

 

“Renewable energy,” is what Mark says the next Tuesday when he plops his backpack on the library table.

Donghyuck is reading something on his iPad, but Mark’s arrival pulls his attention. He looks up in surprise, eyebrows arching and mouth parting slightly. He’s wearing a plain white t-shirt tonight, but there’s a lump of black fabric on the table that Mark suspects is his discarded hoodie.

Library Donghyuck is so different from Late Night Donghyuck but too similar at the same time. They dress in distinctive manners but speak very much alike. A few traits aren’t that much alike, though, like how Donghyuck looks up at Mark in astonishment, as if he’s just been caught off-guard. Mark thinks Late Night Donghyuck wouldn’t have such a reaction.

“Renewable energy,” Donghyuck repeats, blinking up at Mark. A tiny frown appears in his face.

Mark rolls up the sleeves of his jumper and takes a sit, both forearms on the table as he leans a bit forward, committed to the mission. He’s been thinking about the project thing ever since Renjun mentioned it. He wants to hear Donghyuck talk about it.

“Renjun told me something about a project. Something you did in high school that involved solar panels and a huge fundraiser.”

Understanding colors Donghyuck’s face, and he leans back on his chair. “There was a project.”

Mark nods, “Okay. What was it about?”

Donghyuck arches an eyebrow, “You sound like you know enough about it.”

He’s reluctant. He leans back and averts his eyes, scratching at his nose. Donghyuck doesn’t want to talk about the project. It’s weird. The whole thing sounds like a big deal. If Mark was involved in something like that he would want people to know he was part of it.

“I just know what Renjun told me,” Mark leaves out the part where he Googled Donghyuck’s project and ended up mildly stalking his Instagram page. “Was hoping you’d tell me more.”

Donghyuck tilts his head, assessing him for a few seconds. Whatever he sees in Mark’s face seems to be enough to placate him. He sighs and shrugs.

“I wasn’t the only one involved, there were a lot of people working on that as well.”

“The article was about you, though,” Mark points out, and judging by the way Donghyuck’s eyes widen a little, he wasn’t expecting Mark to know about the article.

“Well,” he clears his throat. Is there… Is he blushing? “It was… It started with me, but. I didn’t carry it out by myself. Other students and faculty members also took part in it.”

“They said you raised money to install solar panels?” Mark tries not to sound too eager as he questions, biting on his lower lip to stop himself from asking a lot. “That’s amazing. Really.”

Yeah, that’s definitely a blush on Donghyuck’s cheeks. With his eyes fixed on his iPad, he says, “It just helped the school reduce potential energy consumption.”

“Also helped you get that scholarship, didn’t it?”

He snorts, “I’d ask how you know about that, but I’m guessing Injunnie…”

“Yes, he talks a lot.”

“So much.”

“And _you_ called _me_ an overachiever.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, looking up at Mark. “Listen, you don’t have to call me out alright? Besides I didn’t do it for it to look good on my resumé, I did it… Because the school cut the funds to the LGBT Youth Group I was part of.”

Donghyuck stops and watches Mark intently. It’s almost as if he’s waiting for a reaction. Mark didn’t know about the LGBT Youth Group, but he’s not surprised. Donghyuck did mention taking a seminar on LGBT Policy and Litigation, and if that t-shirt he wore one night saying ‘I’m so gay I shit rainbows’ was any indication, Mark was already aware of the fact that Donghyuck is queer. For a moment, Mark wonders if the silence can be translated as Donghyuck trying to figure out if Mark is okay with it. Which is weird, to say the least. Donghyuck doesn't look like the type of person who worries much about what others think about himself.

“They cut the funds?” Mark questions and Donghyuck exhales, blinking rapidly.

“We were supposed to participate in this convention three cities away, and we had a whole presentation ready, we’d worked really hard on it. Then two months before the principal comes up to us and says they can’t afford to send us there.” Donghyuck downcasts his eyes. “It would be the first time our group would leave the school to speak up about something we believe in.”

“What was the presentation about?”

“LGBT representation in school, especially textbooks and school events. It was the bomb. And they didn't want us to go. The principal said the budget was tight and they were cutting costs,” Donghyuck moves his hand in front of his face. “A whole load of crap. We thought about holding an event to raise money for our trip, but that wouldn't help us in the long run, you know? The school would keep expecting us to support ourselves, they would remain distant from us.

“Then I-- it was my idea, but _we_ thought it would be more effective to raise funds for the school instead of our club. That way, if they still refused to pay for our trip we’d know for sure it was because of something way bigger than money issues.” Donghyuck sighs and ruffles his bangs, a mess of orange, red, and blond falling above his eyes.

He continues, “The solar panels looked like a good idea because it was a… Somewhat a permanent solution. Their operational costs were reduced, they had unlimited and reliable energy, and had more money to invest in whatever activity they deemed fit. We didn’t manage to get enough to power all the buildings, but most of them got covered.”

Just because he guesses solar energy can’t be cheap, Mark asks, “How much did you raise?”

Donghyuck smiles, wiggling his eyebrows. “A lot. Local businesses supported us, and even some big companies after the TV coverage. Then, the company we hired subsidized the system costs by 50%.”

As he retells the tale, Donghyuck’s eyes shine, proud, accomplished. Mark doesn’t understand why he looked so unwilling to talk about it when Mark first asked. It _is_ a big deal, and it’s something that made a difference. Not only in his life, but to many other people. He managed to help his school _and_ his fellow club members while making a huge statement.

“The article I read didn’t mention the LGBT Youth Group,” Mark mentions.

Donghyuck deflates a little bit. “Yeah, well. We didn’t make it clear exactly what had truly sparked the project. Because,” he shrugs. “We weren’t looking to show the school in a bad light. We just wanted them to support our club.”

“Did you go to the convention?”

“Yeah, we did.”

He’s clearly reminiscing, eyes on the table, a soft, easy smile on his lips. It makes Mark smile too. He had absolutely no idea when he first met Donghyuck all those months ago. Maybe if he had looked at Donghyuck with a little more of attention he would have seen past the colorful hair and glittery makeup. Not that there’s anything wrong with his hair or makeup, Mark likes it. It’s just… There’s so much more. And he had no idea.

“It made you get the scholarship?” Mark asks. He doesn’t really know about the scholarship, Renjun failed him on that one.

Donghyuck shakes his head. “I don’t know if it made me get the scholarship. I applied, they called me about an interview, I attended, and got it.” He squints, leaning forward with his arms on the table. “What about _your_ scholarship? How did you get it?”

Mark is taken aback. He pulls back, putting some space between them. The gesture seems to amuse Donghyuck, who laughs.

“What? Thought I’m the only one Injunnie talks about?”

He’s got no problem with people knowing about his scholarship, but having Donghyuck inquire about it like this is a bit unsettling.

“It’s not as interesting. Just got a good GPA and nice writing skills. They liked my personal statement and I spent months preparing for the interview.” With a teasing lilt to his voice, Mark adds, “No fundraisers or solar panels.”

Donghyuck raises a fist and surges forward as if he’s ready to throw a punch. He doesn’t, though, which only serves to make Mark laugh.

The both leave Park Hall on the shuttle, parting ways when the bus approaches the student residence where Donghyuck lives.

“I’ll be around this Friday,” He says as he stands, holding onto the safety bar. “There’s a group discussion, I’ll be done around 6. Wanna hang out?”

Mark doesn’t really get invites to hang out, Renjun is pretty much the only one in the campus who regularly asks him out. He guesses he shouldn’t pass on an invitation if he’s looking to make friends. Besides, he likes Donghyuck. He’s nice to be around and their chats are fun. He’d like to hang out with Donghyuck. He’d really like it.

“Yeah,” he replies. “Sounds good. Ask Renjun for my number, you can text me.”

The shuttle comes to a half, and Donghyuck nods, waving Mark goodbye.

“See you then, Mark Lee.” He exits, and Mark stares after him through the window until the shuttle takes off.

That’s the first time he hears Donghyuck say his name. It sends a pleasant feeling down his stomach, and Mark thinks he wouldn’t mind hearing it again.

\--

Students filter out of class in a hurry -- it’s Friday after all, most of them probably have places to be, drinks to down, people to hook up with. Usually, Mark would fit in with the group of people who take their time sorting through their belongings, reaching out to the TA for doubts and questions. Tonight, however, he's got plans.

“Mark, wait up!”

He's almost out of the classroom when Yerim calls him back. He turns around, watching as she jogs up to him, arms tight around her binder.

“What's up?”

“Did you get the link to the article she mentioned? I lost signal in there and didn't take note of the author.” She's wincing as if she's asking too much and Mark might think it's inconvenient. Yerim is one of the only people he talks to. They were assigned a group project one semester ago and actually got along. Mark doesn't mind helping her out.

“Yeah, sure,” he grabs his phone from his pocket, looking into his navigator bookmarks. “Got a pen?”

Yerim opens her binder, pen in hand, ready to write. Mark gives her the information and she scribbles it quickly.

“Thanks a lot,” Yerim says. “I swear to God I gotta change my phone company. The signal is just non-existent in lecture halls.”

Mark is about to offer her some sympathy when he notices Yerim’s eyes shift. She’s staring at some point behind him, giving Mark a brief look before going back to whatever’s approaching. When Mark turns around to check what she’s looking at, he ends up facing Donghyuck.

“Hey!” he chirps, a hand finding its way onto Mark’s shoulder. “Have you been out long?”

Mark blinks at him, “Not really, just came out.” He looks at Yerim standing in front of them. “Uh, this is my classmate, Yerim.”

“Hi,” she says timidly.

Donghyuck, on the other hand, opens a bright, wide smile. “Hi, I’m Donghyuck. Are you coming with us?”

Yerim shoots Mark a confused glance, “Ah, no, I just had something to ask him. About class.”

“You can come if you want to,” Donghyuck points out, turning to Mark. “Right? She can come.”

“Y-Yeah,” Mark responds half-heartedly. It takes him by surprise. He doesn’t know where they’re going or what they’re doing, Donghyuck wasn’t really explicit about the plans, but Mark wasn’t expecting anyone else to tag along, to be honest. “If you want, I mean. You don’t have to. But if you want. You can. If you want.”

“It’s fine,” Yerim says, already taking a step back. She’s gone pink in the face, and her knuckles are pale where they grip the edges of her binder. “I’ve got loads to do. Have fun, though!”

Mark waves at her when she steps away, feeling oddly satisfied.

When she’s disappeared from sight, Donghyuck walks to stand in front of Mark. “You like boba?”

“I love boba.”

“Awesome, because I’ve been craving it all day.”

 

They end up at this popular boba place near campus. The line is long, but it goes by painlessly due to...

“Accounting,” Donghyuck says, an arm around Mark’s shoulder in order to speak closer to his ear. “He looks like he could be in a frat, too.”

Mark hums absent-mindedly. He agrees the dude looks like a frat boy. He can’t seem to fully focus on the task at hand, though, which is weird. Mark’s got a great attention span, he’s the master of focusing on tasks; he’s the Focus Master. However, Donghyuck’s arm around his shoulders is demanding all his attention. He’s acutely aware of all the places they’re currently touching, even though there’s no direct skin contact.

“What about that girl? Three o’clock.”

“Psychology,” Mark says after inspecting the subject. Donghyuck’s hand squeezes his shoulder, and he clears his throat. “Um. She’s. She’s reading Piaget.”

“Maybe child education,” Donghyuck suggests. They step forward in line. “Could be psych though. Great eye, I hadn’t noticed the book.”

“I’m very perceptive.” Too much, he’d say. Mark is always noticing small things here and there. Things he’d do very well without noticing. Like the tip of Donghyuck’s thumb on his neck.

“Two guys sitting by the window.”

A quick glance at the guys in question says they’re athletes. “Jocks. Can’t really say what’s their major.”

“It’s a challenge, then,” Donghyuck nods, and his arm slips off Mark’s shoulders. Mark takes a deep breath. “No books in sight. No stickers or patches. They might as well be ghosts.”

“Business,” Mark offers, which prompts Donghyuck to squint at him.

“What makes you say that?”

“No idea. They just look like they could be studying business.”

His answer doesn’t satisfy Donghyuck, who folds his arms on his chest and appraises Mark with newfound interest.

“What did you think I studied the first time you saw me?”

The question sounds like a trap. Mark opens his mouth to respond, then closes, thinking twice. If he’s truthful, he just thought Donghyuck was… Loud. Everything about Donghyuck was loud, despite him not making a sound as he sneaked in with a drunk Renjun in tow. Then he sat down next to Mark on the couch after tucking Renjun in and asked what he was doing. Mark said he was working on an essay for school, and Donghyuck quickly added that he was an art major, asking what was Mark’s right next.

“I never had to guess,” Mark says. “You told me you studied arts not even a whole minute after you met me.”

That makes Donghyuck frown. “For real?”

“For real.”

“Huh.”

“If I had to guess,” Mark says, and Donghyuck perks up. The way he looks up at Mark in anticipation, bottom lip caught between his teeth, is cute. Mark chuckles. “If I had to guess, I’d say art anyway.”

“Yeah? Why’s that?”

Mark shrugs. “I don’t know. I think about arts people as happy, colorful people.”

Donghyuck gazes at him, a smile breaking out. “You’re saying I’m colorful?”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

By the time they finish with their drinks and the cups are tossed into the bin, Mark can swear that Donghyuck’s eyes have twinkled in every single one of the rainbow colors.

\--

Donghyuck sips at his tea and winces. His whole face contorts, and he places the mug on the counter before looking at Mark with half-lidded eyes.

“That’s disgusting,” he says.

Mark chuckles, taking a huge gulp from his own cup of tea. The clock reads 2:37 AM.

Donghyuck brought Renjun by himself this time. Surprisingly, Mark’s roommate was fully dressed and his limbs totally functional. Still drunk, though. Donghyuck tucked him in and was getting ready to leave when Mark offered him a cup of tea. He wasn’t expecting Donghyuck to accept, considering he doesn’t like tea, but he did. And now they’re sitting side by side on the kitchen counter, Mark nursing his tea and Donghyuck glaring at his.

“So,” Donghyuck says, breaking a silence that stretched for a few minutes. “What do you do for fun?”

Mark blinks at him, not sure of how to respond to that. “Um. I… Do lots of things?”

“Every time I see you you’re studying or working on some assignment.”

“Huge courseload. Have you forgotten?”

Donghyuck shakes his head, reaching for the discarded mug. “No, I haven’t. But there must be something you do that doesn’t involve academic shit.” When Mark remains silent, Donghyuck leans a bit forward, eyes widening. “You _do_ stuff that doesn’t involve academics, right?”

Come to think of it, Mark doesn’t remember the last time he picked up a book that wasn’t about policies or advocacy. He hasn’t written anything other than essays and articles for his classes, and the last thing he watched on TV was ‘Primal Fear’.

Donghyuck gasps and Mark lets his shoulders sag. “I’m on a scholarship,” he explains.

“Yeah, me too. So?”

He frowns. “What do you mean ‘so’? If I don’t graduate Summa Cum Fucking Laude--”

“You don’t have to graduate with honors, you just have to… Not suck.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “And you definitely don’t suck.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because you’re always studying and the stuff you write is really good. Besides, Renjun said you made the Dean’s List last term.”

“That only happened because I’m always studying.” Mark’s tone is firm as he says. “Do you know how hard it is to get honors as a pre-law? Everyone is a genius. Simply not sucking is not enough.”

Donghyuck regards him for a minute, then looks down at his mug, the liquid inside probably gone lukewarm. “So. You don’t go out? Like… For fun?”

Mark scratches the back of his head, opens his mouth, then closes it. He lets out a breath.

“Look,” Donghyuck says. “Don’t think about taking your mind off school as time wasted. Think about it as self-care.”

Self-care. That’s something he does frequently. He’s been doing it for years. Whenever his own thoughts manage to be louder than the world around him, Mark will take comfort in the only thing he knows he can do better than most people.

Mark doesn’t relay this information to Donghyuck, though. He has an inkling that he’ll be laughed at if the other knows one of his methods of coping is holing in his room with a damned textbook in his lap.

“Self-care,” he repeats.

Donghyuck hums, finally letting go of his mug. “It’s okay to focus really hard on something, but sometimes you just gotta… Let go, you know?”

No, he doesn’t. Mark isn’t fond of letting go, he’s got a fixed mindset. He’s very happy with his comfort zone.

Yet.

He’s compelled to take a chance.

\--

The thing is: Mark doesn’t really know how to make friends.

It was way easier in high school where he was forced to spend a whole year looking at the same faces, working together, eating together. In high school, people eventually find each other. That person is just there, and out of nowhere, they’re friends with you. That’s kind of how Mark met Jaemin.

“And Yukhei is the guy who drops his pants everywhere,” Jaemin says absent-mindedly, pitch black coffee in a hand and his phone in the other. Mark should be offended that the one he calls best-friend can’t bother to give him 100% of his attention during these occasional Skype chats.

“No, that’s Renjun, my roommate,” Mark corrects. “Can you at least look at my face?”

Jaemin places his phone down, blinking at his computer screen (at Mark). “Why do I have to look at you, I already know what you look like.”

Mark rolls his eyes.

Jaemin sighs, “Fine. I’m looking at you.”

“Thank you.”

“You were saying.”

Clearing his throat, Mark continues, “Donghyuck wants me to go clubbing with them.”

“And why is that a problem?”

“Um. Because. I’m Mark.”

That makes Jaemin laugh. “You have a point. Well, if you really want to be closer to this Donghyuck maybe you should consider going.”

Mark doesn’t remember ever mentioning wanting to be closer to Donghyuck, he doesn’t know where Jaemin got that idea from. He opens his mouth to retort, but Jaemin, quick as a fox, beats him to it.

“Every single text you sent me this week contained at least one Donghyuck element in it, Mark, don’t even try.”

Mark coughs awkwardly. Not every single text was about Donghyuck. There was that text about the cute dog. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jaemin squints at him, reaching for his phone and tapping at the screen. “Yesterday morning,” he reads. “‘That project Donghyuck developed managed to reduce potential energy consumption in his school by 82%’, literally _two hours ago_ ‘grabbed tea at this new place today’, I respond, like a great friend: ‘oh, really?’, and you tell me: ‘yeah, Donghyuck mentioned they had excellent oolong milk tea’.”

Upon finishing, Jaemin lifts his eyes and regards Mark unimpressed. Mark feels his cheeks tingling, but he refuses to appear bashful.

“It was really good milk tea.”

Jaemin massages his temples. “Look, it’s okay if you’re friend-crushing. Everyone friend-crushes. It’s fine. I friend-crushed on you in high school.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, but it’s not important,” Jaemin waves him a dismissive hand. “The point is that it would be good for you to try something different with someone whose company you seem to enjoy.” Jaemin’s eyes soften, and he takes a deep breath. “You know taking your mind off things is a way of practicing self-care.”

Mark perks up at his words, “Donghyuck said that.”

“If he said it, then it must be true!” Jaemin claps his hands once and leans closer to the screen. “So it’s settled. You’ll go clubbing and I can finally answer my mom’s texts.”

\--

Somehow he finds himself in a club filled with young, energetic people who are probably looking to get drunk or laid. Mark finds both options quite dangerous if he’s honest. It’s Friday and there’s a chapter he should be reading for his 9 AM on Tuesday, but he decided to listen to Donghyuck instead. The latter is grabbing himself a drink at the bar while Mark sits on a bar stool next to Renjun and this other guy called Jeno, who seems really committed to studying the entirety of Renjun’s face. If Renjun is aware of Jeno’s attention, he doesn’t care.

Mark is clearly the odd one out. He’s not a drinker, not a dancer, not really a party person. He keeps reminding himself that this is an experiment, and he’s not forced to stay if it becomes unbearable.

When Donghyuck approaches him, he’s got a purple drink in hand. He stands right in front of Mark, an excited smile playing on his face.

“So! Do you like it?” Donghyuck looks around briefly. “This is the safest club around. Security is pretty tight, no groping is tolerated.”

“Nice,” Mark nods, not exactly knowing what else to say. He just sits there and stares at Donghyuck.

Donghyuck, though, looks like he’s at home. His cheekbones sparkle every time the strobe lights hit his face, eyes glinting with something Mark can’t exactly identify. He looks pretty. He always looks pretty (Mark’s brain adds uselessly), but tonight, rainbow lights shining on him, he looks prettier.

Mark usually sees Donghyuck at the end of a partying night, when his hair is damp with sweat and his makeup’s already melted. Seeing him like this is a first. He can’t help but feel a bit intimidated. Donghyuck was the one who insisted he tagged along, but Mark can’t shake the feeling that he’s overstepping his boundaries. Mark doesn’t hang out at clubs, and Donghyuck surely doesn’t hang out with established losers like Mark. Maybe he’s a charity case. Perhaps Donghyuck woke up one morning, and in all his tanned and glowing glory decided to fix whatever’s wrong with Renjun’s boring roommate.

Amid his thoughts, Mark doesn’t realize Donghyuck is talking to him.

“What?”

Donghyuck leans closer, places a hand on Mark’s shoulder. “You wanna dance?”

Something burns in his stomach. He’s not sure if it’s the hand on his shoulder or the invitation.

“I don’t really know how to dance.”

“You can learn.”

Mischief. That’s what’s glinting in his eyes.

There’s another denial ready at the tip of Mark’s tongue, but he’s given no time. Donghyuck downs the rest of his purple drink and places the empty glass on the counter behind Mark. Then, he drags Mark toward the dancefloor.

He just stands there for a moment. Donghyuck moves carefully, almost as if he’s trying not to scare Mark away. That mischievous sparkle in his eyes is a little more subdued now as he reaches a tentative hand, the tips of his fingers grazing on Mark’s hip.

The beat is one that makes you want to sway, a latin kind of melody, sexy and sinuous. Mark has no idea what to do with his limbs. He feels blood rushing to his face, and an awkward chuckle makes its way out of his throat. Donghyuck takes a step closer, hand fully sliding onto Mark’s hip.

 _Follow me_ , he mouths, and Mark nods dumbly, knowing that there’s nothing else left for him to do.

So he follows. Donghyuck lifts an arm, curls it above his head, and Mark follows. The swing of his hips, the way he tilts his head -- Mark follows it all. There’s a great chance that he looks pathetic, but there is Donghyuck, hand on his waist guiding his movements, and suddenly Mark feels like he shouldn’t care. The people around them seem drunk, to say the least. They’re probably too busy enjoying their own night to focus on whatever’s going on with the both of them. Besides, there’s purpose behind this. It’s an experiment. Mark could-- he could _try_.

Donghyuck smiles, picking up the pace. That glint is back in his eyes. He didn’t notice it before, but the way Donghyuck looks at him is… Enticing. Alluring. As if he’s daring Mark to take that step, to move the way he does, to feel the way he feels. The music is loud, it booms and reverberates throughout Mark’s body like it’s touching his skin. It gives him goosebumps. It would be easy to just… Stop thinking… And let the energy going around consume him.

The beat shifts and Mark goes with it. He closes his eyes, lets his head fall back, and _moves_. He can’t remember the last time he danced with someone, but it’s been a while. The grip on his waist tightens, brings him a little closer. Eyes open, Mark finds Donghyuck’s gaze. The latter looks surprised, mouth parting when Mark places both hands on his shoulders. Mark brushes his fingers on the thin hair strands on Donghyuck’s nape and feels, on the pads of his fingers, the exact moment Donghyuck’s muscles tense. Donghyuck lets out a breath, blinks a few times, and runs his tongue over his bottom lip.

Something changes. The air becomes heavier, and Donghyuck’s eyes get darker. He pushes his chin up, looks at Mark with half-lidded eyes, and there’s not a single trace of mischief in them. Mark sees interest instead, a desire to know, _curiosity_. Donghyuck looks at him as if he’s seeing Mark for the first time, and the way the corner of his lips quirk upward sends a shiver down Mark’s spine. He’s abruptly invaded by this urge, this crazy impulse to kiss Donghyuck.

He knew he was attracted to Donghyuck -- the whole thing with his hair, and his cheeks, and _Summer Boy_ , come on --, but this is the first time Mark really thinks about kissing him. His eyes drop to Donghyuck’s lips, and he’s entranced by how soft and plump they look, glistening with moisture. Or is it lip gloss? Mark can’t tell. He doesn’t care, to be honest. All he cares about is how those lips will feel against his when he finally closes the distance between them.

As if he’s been closely following Mark’s thoughts the entire time, Donghyuck diminishes that distance, and Mark gasps, feeling the anticipation down to the pit of his stomach. He’s almost certain that Donghyuck stepped forward in order to kiss him, but he merely speaks into Mark’s ear.

“Are you thinking about kissing me?” Donghyuck asks. His voice drips with teasing, one of his hands threading into Mark’s hair, gripping the strands a little too tight.

That feeling in Mark’s stomach stirs. Donghyuck’s breath on his neck sends a shiver throughout his whole body.

“What,” he croaks. Mark clears his throat. “What makes you say that?”

“You were staring at my lips,” Donghyuck chuckles, and Mark shudders. “Pretty big sign.”

“What if I were.” The words come out before he can even think about them.

Mark feels uncharacteristically bold. Maybe the atmosphere, the lights, the beat reverberating all over his system. It’s like he’s in another dimension, operating under completely different circumstances. Suddenly, he’s not Mark Lee. He’s someone Donghyuck would actually want.

He asks, “What if I wanted to kiss you?”

Donghyuck leans back, the grip he had on Mark’s hair loosening. He looks right into Mark’s eyes, curious, assessing.

“I’d tell you to do it instead of thinking about it,” he responds, and it’s all it takes.

Their lips touch smoothly at first, tentatively. It’s Mark who kisses Donghyuck’s mouth, a hand at his nape and the other curling around his back. He leans a bit back to inspect Donghyuck’s face, just in case he’s changed his mind. He doesn’t even get to look at Donghyuck properly before he’s being kissed, hands fisting at the front of his shirt to bring him closer.

Mark has kissed a grand total of one (1) person his entire life. It wasn’t even that great of a kiss, they didn’t stand too close and the whole thing was over before Mark could even process what had happened.

Donghyuck for sure doesn’t kiss like that. The way he holds himself close, how his hands slide furtively under Mark’s shirt to touch the skin of his stomach and hips. How he opens his mouth into the kiss, closes it around Mark’s lower lip, tongues at it. He kisses like he knows what he’s doing, and it’s inebriating. Is it even safe for Mark to be kissing him? Isn’t this going to turn into a messy pile of regret sitting at the back of his head?

They part for air, but it lasts less than a second. Mark is hungry, starving really, and Donghyuck can probably tell. He can probably tell with the way Mark’s arm is firmly clasped at his back. He can probably tell by the sound of their lips against each other, how moist and slippery they are. Mark is clearly hungry. Yet, Donghyuck laps at Mark’s tongue, kisses him so deeply that it almost seems like he’s hungry too. Like there’s nothing he’d rather be doing.

Donghyuck hums into the kiss then parts it. His thumb caresses Mark’s throat, and he tilts his head to the side, half-lidded eyes staring. He makes it hard for Mark to catch his breath.

“How was it?” He asks. His voice is so low that Mark barely hears it, mostly guessing his words by the shapes of his mouth.

“Wouldn’t mind doing it again,” Mark replies in honesty. He really wouldn’t. Donghyuck’s lips are nice and sweet, and they left a pleasant, tingling sensation.

His response makes Donghyuck smile. He leans up and catches Mark’s mouth in his again.

Mark loses count of how many songs have gone by. Eventually, they move to the bar. Donghyuck takes a seat at a stool and invites Mark in to stand between his open legs. He wraps his arms around Mark’s neck, Mark’s own hands on Donghyuck’s thighs. By then, the kisses have grown slower, lazier. This might be the hundredth, Mark’s not really counting. He doesn’t want to stop. Mark is pretty sure there are loads happening in the club, but he’s not a hundred percent aware of their surroundings. All that matters is Donghyuck’s lips and his legs around Mark’s waist.

\--

It’s way past eleven in the morning when Mark wakes up, which is odd, to say the least. Usually, on Saturday mornings, he fixes himself a cup of tea and reviews whatever assignment he worked on the previous night. There’s nothing to review this morning because Mark didn’t work on any assignments on Friday night. No, Mark was at a club.

He was at a club having the living breath kissed right out of him.

As soon as the memory of Donghyuck’s lips on his pops back in his mind, Mark groans, and rolls over on the mattress.

It was around 3 A.M. when the party left the club. They parted ways outside, but not before Donghyuck pulled Mark in by his neck one last time, whispering goodbye against his mouth.

He presses his face into a pillow, groaning once more as he recalls Donghyuck’s hands on his hips, the feel of Donghyuck’s goosebumps on the tips of his fingers. Pushing up on his knees, Mark ruffles his own hair, forcing himself to get a grip and stop acting like a lil bitch. He’s a whole twenty-year-old person and twenty-year-old people get kissed all the time. It’s not a big deal. Even though Mark never spent a whole night with his mouth attached to another human being before, he shouldn’t let it consume him. It’s Saturday, and he’s got shit to do. Starting with that assignment he didn’t get to finish because, you know, he was out hooking up.

After groaning one last time, Mark slips out of bed. He boils water for tea and takes his laptop out. He’s getting ready to start an intense morning of studying and getting his academics on when the door to Renjun’s room opens and a _blond_ dude comes out.

Upon spotting Mark, blond dude smiles, eyes crinkling so much they nearly close. That rings a bell in Mark’s head, and he’s reminded of Jeno, the guy who wouldn’t leave Renjun’s side the night before. He remembers that Jeno followed them back home -- or rather Renjun --, but Mark was way too sleepy to have paid it full attention.

“Hey,” he greets. “Morning.”

“Morning. Want some tea?”

“I can get some,” Jeno says, opening all the right cupboards and retrieving both a mug and the tea jar. It makes Mark frown and wonder why this dude knows his way around their kitchen, and exactly how many times he’s been around.

The sound of Renjun’s door opening one more time pulls Mark’s attention, and he watches his roommate tread out looking positively dead. As usual on Saturday mornings.

The first thing Renjun utters when he takes in Mark _and_ Jeno making his way back to the living room is a groan. His head falls back, leaving his throat exposed, but not for long. He’s quickly bringing it back upright, hands flying to cradle it. Mark snorts, knowing he must have a pounding headache given the number of drinks he had the night before.

“Morning,” it’s Jeno who greets him, offering Renjun the mug he’s carrying. Renjun accepts it and flops on the couch. “Want an aspirin?”

“Never works,” Renjun replies. “Fuck, I didn’t even drink that much last night.” Then, his eyes bulge and he stares up at Jeno in what can only be seen as pure horror. “What are you doing here?”

“Relax, I slept on the floor.” Jeno rolls his eyes. “Are you okay, though?”

“No,” Renjun moans. “Dying.”

“So fine. Alright, then I’m heading out.” Jeno shoots Mark another of those smiles. “See you around.” And leaves.

Mark might be wrong, but it almost looks like Renjun stares after him.

“You really okay?” He asks just for good measure because they actually had to carry Renjun home. There was even a moment in which he tried to get out of his pants. That’s a moment of the night Mark decides to completely erase from his memory.

Renjun just sighs, blinking out of his stupor and turning his head to look at Mark. “Been worse.” He stands up, sipping at the mug as he crosses the distance between the couch and the tiny desk where Mark usually works. Renjun places the mug on the table and leans on the adjacent wall. “How are _you_ doing, though?”

There was no mention of a night of debauchery or Donghyuck, but Renjun’s question is somehow enough to make Mark blush. He shifts his eyes back to the computer screen.

“I’m fine,” Mark answers, hoping it’s enough.

Renjun hums, and Mark just _knows_ it’s not enough. “The thing with Donghyuck…”

Mark coughs, reading the same line of his essay over and over. “What thing.”

“The thing. You know.” Renjun chuckles. “I was surprised. Seriously, I wouldn’t be able to tell if I hadn’t seen it myself. Had no idea you were into him.”

That last phrase snaps Mark’s attention back to him. “He was kissing me too.”

Renjun waves a hand. “Yeah, Hyuckie does that.” Then, fixes Mark with a stare. “You, though. I’d never seen you hook up with anyone.”

Mark tries not to think too hard about what Renjun meant with ‘Donghyuck does that’. He shakes his head. “That’s because I don’t.”

“You don’t hook up?”

“No.”

“Ever?”

Mark sighs. “Haven’t got the time.” Renjun leans forward, both palms flat on the table as he stares Mark down. Refusing to let it show how much Renjun’s attention unsettles him, Mark adds, “Besides. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I like to stay in.”

“Yeah,” Renjun says, amusement in his tone. “Hyuckie asked me about that once.”

“He did?” Mark frowns.

“Yeah. Asked me to invite you out with us, but I told him you only leave the house to go to class.”

Long after Renjun has left the house under the excuse of grabbing lunch, Mark is still replaying his words. Donghyuck asked Renjun to invite Mark out with them before the night in which he personally suggested it, apparently. Out of sympathy, perhaps. Maybe he was looking to make a new friend. Or maybe… Maybe he was…

Mark scoffs. As if. As if Donghyuck would have an eye out for someone like Mark. Why would he even be interested? Mark’s uncanny ability to sit for hours on end in front of a computer typing away his sorrows? The thing at the club was probably a product of the glitch in Mark’s system that allowed him to act like a regular human for a second. And probably, Regular Human Mark is cool and worth kissing for an entire night.

He relays the entire thing to Jaemin when they talk later, Mark lying on his bed, his phone resting on his chest on speaker.

“Dude,” Mark can almost hear the eye roll. “There was no glitch. He kissed you because he’s into you. He asked about you before, didn’t he?”

“That means shit,” Mark says. “Just because he asked about me it doesn’t mean he wanted into my pants? Come on, man.”

“It means something, though. He was thinking about you. It wasn’t a spur of the moment thing.”

“You know what, that’s what I think it was. Renjun said that he kisses people regularly,” _Hyuckie does that_ , “so perhaps I was just last night’s fix.”

Somehow, that thought doesn’t sit well with Mark. He shifts on the bed, realigning his phone on his chest.

“Or,” Jaemin draws out. “Or he was hoping to get lucky with you last night.”

Mark grunts, burying both hands in his hair. “Why are you trying to convince me that he likes me?”

“I’m not trying to convince you of that. I’m fighting that voice in your head that’s saying it’s impossible that he kissed you because he digs you. He’s not in love with you, fine. But he kissed you. He took you out and he danced with you. Why do you think he did that? Oh, I don’t know, maybe,” Jaemin gasps dramatically, “he’s into you!”

Sighing, Mark allows his lids to fall shut. He mumbles, “If anything, I’m into him.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“You don’t appreciate me enough, Mark,” Jaemin says, voice thin and melancholic in that theatrical way Mark has grown to know.

It’s impossible not to chuckle. “Why, Nana?”

“Here I am. Lending you my precious free time on a Saturday. You know I’m an engineering student, right?”

“I’m aware of that, yes.”

“So you know I’m neck deep in school shit.”

“It might have occurred to me.”

“Then why are you wasting my time, Mark?”

Mark smiles, “How am I wasting your time, Nana?”

“You’re giving in to bullshit instead of your best friend, that’s how.” Jaemin sighs loudly. “Unless this Donghyuck guy is a real shitty fella, he didn’t kiss you just because you were there. He wanted it with _you_. There’s a chance that he won’t want to do it again, maybe it really was a one-time thing, but at that moment he wanted to kiss _you_. Is that clear?”

Mark swallows, something bittersweet settling in his stomach. “Yes, Nana.”

A second goes by. Then, Jaemin speaks in a softer voice. “You’re kissable, you know. People can look at you and decide they want you. You just gotta give them a chance and actually leave your apartment. I bet it reeks of dirty socks and earl grey.”

After he disconnects the call, Mark receives a pic of Jaemin’s cat, an orange tabby named Ron Weasley, with the caption _ronnie loves you_.

 

The article Mark’s been reading the whole Sunday afternoon is starting to get boring when, luckily, his phone pings. He hastily drops the print-outs and reaches for the device at the end of his bed. His stomach clenches when he sees Donghyuck’s name on the screen.

It’s the photo of a book. Yellow cover, red letters in a font that looks on fire saying ‘Open City’. The book seems to be sitting on his legs, Donghyuck’s fingers serving as the bookmark between the pages. There’s no caption. Just the one pic.

Mark stares at it for a bit, trying to figure out the purpose of that text. Does Donghyuck want Mark to know he’s been reading that particular book? That he’s been reading at all? Or… Is he just… Starting something? It’s hardly the first time Donghyuck’s texted him, but most of their chats regarded meeting at Park Hall on Tuesday evenings. Something deep inside Mark’s head tells him that maybe it’s a wrong number, Donghyuck didn’t mean to send him that pic. There’s another voice, though, one that sounds like Jaemin saying that the text was meant for Mark. And that he should reply.

Mark clears his throat, flexes his thumbs.

 **Mark [4:05 PM]**  
Good read?

He hits send and stares at his phone for a couple of beats, blinking too fast, worrying fruitlessly. It’s just a text. Why is he anxious about it?

Then, three moving dots appear on the screen. Mark holds his breath.

 **Donghyuck [4:06 PM]**  
very good  
this isn’t an assignment or anything. im reading this bc i want to.  
thats something you could start doing

Mark snorts, thumbs flying over the keyboard.

 **Mark [4:06 PM]**  
You seem to have a lot of input to offer on how I should live my life.

It’s only after he sends the text that Mark realizes it could pass off as something really rude. He mildly panics until Donghyuck replies.

 **Donghyuck [4:07 PM]**  
you’re too helpless, i can't stop myself

Relief washes over him, and before he can type out a response, another text pops up.

 **Donghyuck [4:07 PM]**  
how are you enjoying your sunday?

 **Mark [4:07 PM]**  
Reading something for my environmental law class  
I know what you’re thinking  
Just save it

 **Donghyuck [4:08 PM]**  
i just breathed mark

Mark chuckles, biting on his lower lip.

 **Mark [4:08 PM]**  
It was really a judgmental intake of air.

 **Donghyuck [4:08 PM]**  
if you say so

He waits a bit, but Donghyuck doesn’t seem to be typing. Mark could send him something back. Ask him how his Saturday was; if he did anything fun. He doesn’t want to sound intrusive, Donghyuck might think he’s forcing the conversation.

Before he knows a few minutes have passed, and a new text appears at the bottom of their thread.

 **Donghyuck [4:11 PM]**  
see you tuesday mark lee

\--

Tuesday flies by in a heap of anxiety and worry. Mark is not satisfied with the essay he’s supposed to turn in on Wednesday (tomorrow!!!) and keeps running his eyes over the google doc on his phone in between classes and lectures. He knows he’s done enough already, but it’s just… Natural. Mark obsessively worries about his assignments, although Grammarly says it’s okay, and the study group leader also says it’s okay.

Besides, there’s also the Donghyuck factor of Tuesday evenings.

That should be the least of his concerns, honestly. Things seem to be going peachy if the texts they exchanged on Sunday meant anything.

His 6 PM lecture comes to an end, and Mark takes his time getting out of the lecture hall. He coaxes himself into walking slowly because there’s no reason to rush out. He refuses to act like a high school girl on her way to meet her crush.

As per usual, Donghyuck is already in the library when Mark arrives. Normally, he can be found doodling or reading, sometimes writing. Tonight, though, he’s looking right at Mark when he enters. A smile spreads across his face, and he lifts a hand in greeting. Mark’s stupid heart beats a little too fast for his liking, and he takes a deep breath. Seriously, what the hell is up with him?

“Ayo,” Mark says once he reaches the table, inwardly grimacing at his own lack of social skills. _Ayo? Who the fuck says ayo?_

There’s a tiny frown there when Donghyuck says hi back, but it’s gone as soon as Mark sits down. “Is everything okay? You look… Weird.”

“Ha. I’m always weird.” Mark pats his backpack down on the chair next to him just so his hands have one last thing to do before he has to give his full attention to Donghyuck.

Donghyuck snorts, “Yeah, but. You’re worried about something?”

“There’s an essay I’m supposed to hand in tomorrow. I’m not happy with how it turned out.”

There’s a brief moment of silence before Donghyuck hums.

“Okay. Let me take a look.”

Mark blinks at him. That’s something they do; look over each other’s papers. Donghyuck’s got flawless writing and great feedback to offer, but. Somehow, Mark feels less inclined to have him check his work tonight.

“You don’t have to,” he says. “I just. I’m sure it’s not that bad, I’m overreacting as usual.”

“It’s no big deal. How many words have you written?”

“A little over a thousand.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and stretches a hand out at Mark, a request to look over his essay. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

Mark relents with a sigh, giving his phone over. He's not entirely sure why he's being like this. Donghyuck’s been reading pretty much every single piece of Mark’s writing lately. Still, he catches himself holding his breath as Donghyuck's eyes skim his text.

Placing the phone on the table and sliding it over towards Mark, Donghyuck looks at him, and shrugs.

“That was really tight. All your ideas were pretty well presented and the whole text wrapped up well.”

Relief washes over him, and Mark feels his shoulders sag. “For real?”

Donghyuck hums, elbow on the table and cheek leaning on his palm. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”

“Easy for you to say. I’m the one who’s dominated by the need to succeed.”

“That’s what I’m telling you,” Donghyuck leans a bit forward. “You’re already succeeding. It’s time to slow down and catch a breath, don’t you think?”

Mark begs to differ. As a pre-law, there’s no time to slow down and catch a breath, but he understands what Donghyuck is saying. This is the sort of argument that’ll lead nowhere at all, so Mark relaxes on his chair and retrieves his phone from the table.

A few silent minutes pass before Donghyuck speaks.

“So. Friday night.”

Ah. Yes. Friday night. Mark knew it would come up eventually. He senses an annoying tingling sensation spread over his cheeks and feels an overwhelming desire to cover his face. Mark can tell Donghyuck’s eyes are locked on him, but he can’t seem to look up. It’s stupid. _Stupid_.

“Mark?”

The softness in Donghyuck’s voice wheedles him into lifting his head. What he finds is a clearly amused Donghyuck. The tingling just won’t stop.

Forcing himself to pull his crap together, Mark clears his throat. “Yeah?”

Donghyuck snorts out a laugh, shakes his head. He looks so light, carefree. When his eyes settle on Mark, they roam, contemplate. There’s something in there, glinting in the same way it did in the club under those rainbow strobe lights. He looked great back there, but somehow, Mark thinks Donghyuck looks better right here. The yellowish lights from the library shining on his skin, giving him a near ethereal glow. Donghyuck is gorgeous. From his hair strands to the tips of his fingers.

“Friday night,” Donghyuck repeats, voice almost careful. His chin pushes up. “That was fun.”

Mark doesn’t really know what to say. He just holds Donghyuck’s gaze.

“Did you get home alright?”

Nodding, Mark shifts in his seat. “I did. You?”

“Yeah. Took me a while to fall asleep though.”

“Why?”

“I kept thinking about you.”

It’s like he’s just taken a blow. Mark’s body feels hot all over, his skin itching, lips dry. Donghyuck watches him unabated, chin still resting on the heel of his palm as his fingers gently tap at his cheekbones. He looks like he’s just told Mark about his damn breakfast, not… Confessed to having troubles sleeping because of Mark of all people.

For some reason, he speaks. Mark doesn’t trust himself to not sound or be overall embarrassing, but he just -- he’s gotta. He needs to say something.

“What--” he coughs. Mark just _knows_ that his face is burning red. “What were you thinking about?”

“You,” Donghyuck shrugs as if this whole conversation doesn’t make him want to melt into the floor. “Dancing with you. Kissing you.”

“Oh, God.” It’s out before he can stop himself, and Donghyuck giggles.

He giggles, and plants his forearms on the table, leaning forward. “You’re so cute.”

“Ha. Thanks.”

“I mean it.” Donghyuck’s voice is soft like he’s trying not to sound scary or menacing. Mark realizes it’s the second time Donghyuck acts like that, warily, as if Mark is some skittish, scaredy cat that’s always a loud sound away from darting off.

He might be inexperienced when it comes to fooling around, and he might be uptight and obsessive about his grades and the lamest person in the whole campus. But Mark is not… Challenged. Well, maybe just a tad. Socially. And it’s true that this sort of thing never happened to him. Not a single one of his previous non-existent hookups have cornered him in a nearly empty library and told him how they kept thinking about dancing with him and how _cute_ he is. Fucking hell. Is he cute?

Yet.

Perhaps he could do this. Perhaps this is a conversation he could have.

Gathering all his might, Mark takes a deep breath and looks at Donghyuck. His face must be doing something because Donghyuck’s eyebrows arch a little, and his lips part.

“It didn’t keep me up at night, but I thought about it too,” Mark says. He wants to downcast his eyes and avoid the fiery, excited gleam in Donghyuck’s. He doesn’t.

“Did you?”

“Yeah. It was-- It was pretty nice.”

“I wouldn’t mind doing it again.”

Well, that takes him by surprise. Mark recalls saying those exact words when Donghyuck asked him how he liked the kiss at the club. He’s being quoted back to himself. Mark blinks at Donghyuck -- owlishly, probably --, and opens his mouth quite a few times to no avail.

Donghyuck sits back, scratches the back of his head. “Listen, I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m not looking for anything right now. Like. Relationship-wise. You know what I mean?”

Yeah, Mark knows what he means. He always knows what Donghyuck means, he’s not stupid. He’s just… His brain takes a while to process information of a certain kind. This kind, precisely, so it probably takes him a beat or two to respond (in the form of a curt nod).

“But I liked it. With you.” Mark’s eyes might be fooling him, but it almost seems like Donghyuck is… Bashful? He hunches a bit, arms folded on his chest, teeth worrying on his bottom lip. “We could keep, you know, doing it. If you wanted? And if you’re comfortable with this sort of thing.”

Mark wants to ask what sort of thing he’s talking about, just to be sure. He knows, though. Of course, he does.

“You wanna keep hooking up?”

Donghyuck exhales, and it’s like all traces of coyness are expelled with that gush of air.

“Yeah,” he says. “It doesn’t have to mean anything. We’d just be having some fun.”

Just having some fun. According to Donghyuck himself, fun is something that’s severely lacking in Mark’s life. He could use some of that. This fun, though, is dangerous. He’d be enjoying himself and basking in the warmth of _fun_ , but anytime that warmth could suddenly spark into flames and burn him. Then he’d be a pile of really sad ashes. Can Mark handle this? He panics over the uttermost trivial things such as an essay that’s not even graded or a book he hasn’t finished reading yet for his Friday morning class.

He thinks about it. About going out with Donghyuck. Maybe not a club, it could be a coffee place. They’d sit close and share coffee, maybe a kiss or two. He’d be able to taste the coffee on Donghyuck’s lips, and they’d walk home together.

Fuck, that’s definitely a date. And Mark is positive that Donghyuck is not looking for chaste coffee dates. What is he looking for, then? Hasted make-outs in back alleys after getting completely wasted? Hiding out in the bathroom during a rager and having their tongues battle for fucking dominance? That’s… Unusual for Mark, but so are the coffee dates. And anything else, to be honest. Whatever it is that Donghyuck is proposing, it’s going to be a first for Mark.

So, against all odds, he agrees.

Donghyuck smiles at him, “You sure?”

“Sure.” Mark knows he’s got shit to lose, but at this point in life, he needs to learn to stop caring so much and just. Go for it.

 

They nearly miss the shuttle. The run from the library to the bus stop right outside of Park Hall is fueled by adrenaline and newfound excitement. Mark lets himself be dragged by Donghyuck, their fingers loosely entwined and a cool, sharp breeze blowing at their faces. The bus is already at the stop when they get there, and they hop in a jumble of giggles. It’s just the two of them and a girl since Park Hall is one of the last stops before heading to the residences. They let go of each other once they sit, out of breath and high from the run. The ride is silent and comfortable. Mark watches the dimly-lit streets through the blurry window and feels the long day finally weigh on his shoulders.

When Donghyuck stands up to get off the shuttle, Mark, for some weird reason, stands up with him. Donghyuck looks at him, hooks a finger on the collar of Mark’s jumper, and pulls him in.

It’s not really a kiss, more a press of lips. It’s still enough to briefly cloud Mark’s senses. He’s barely recovered from the first one when Donghyuck touches their lips one more time. Too quick. Their eyes meet, and Mark’s breath escapes him.

A loud beep indicates that the shuttle is coming to a stop, and Donghyuck steps back.

“See you, Mark Lee.” He says and winks. Then, he gets off.

Mark doesn’t really remember the walk home from the bus. He just lets himself in and flops on his bed, gazing at the ceiling. What the fuck has he gotten himself into, this time?

\--

There’s a weird vibe going on with Renjun and Jeno. It’s always been there, Mark reckons, but he’s never given it much thought before. Renjun, usually self-assured and lighthearted, is often wary and reserved whenever Jeno is around. He speaks carefully -- even walks carefully, treading around Jeno as if he could burn himself if they merely touch.

They’re watching a movie when Mark comes in on Thursday night. They both look out as Mark comes in. Jeno smiles and waves, Renjun just turns his attention back to the movie. Mark takes into the situation they’re currently in. Another person could fit between them on the couch. There’s a layer of undeniable tension in the air, and Mark wonders how the hell they’re watching that movie if it’s so uncomfortable. Mark can’t bear standing there too long, he hastily makes his way inside and closes his bedroom door behind him.

On Friday he runs into them at the boba place. They’re sitting opposite each other, and Jeno is talking excitedly about something. Renjun has his eyes on his cup, occasionally offering short replies, but he almost never looks up. It’s… Weird. Jeno is the one who spots Mark standing in line. He waves, eyes crinkling in that smiley way. Mark waves back and goes over once he’s got his drink.

“Hey,” he says.

Jeno points to a free chair next to him. “Sit down with us.”

Before taking him up on the offer, Mark shoots Renjun a look, and he’s actually surprised by the look in his roommate’s face. It’s like Renjun is… Silently begging Mark to take a seat. So he does.

“Are you done for the day?” Jeno asks.

“No, I just got a two-hour gap until my next lecture, so.” Mark smiles, piercing the plastic seal of his cup with the straw.

“You could have gone home,” Renjun points out, lifting his eyes from his own cup to face Mark. _So weird_. He can look at Mark but is resolutely avoiding Jeno’s face. It’s confusing. Why does he hang out with Jeno if he’s so uneasy around him?

“I had some research to do,” Mark replies.

Silence installs amongst them. Mark slurps his bubble tea. Renjun coughs.

Jeno checks his watch. “I got practice in twenty, gotta go.” He grabs his duffel bag, pats Mark’s shoulder, and looks at Renjun. “See you tomorrow?”

Renjun finally looks at him and nods. It’s enough to make Jeno smile. He tosses his cup in the bin on his way out.

Mark frowns at Renjun, who’s _definitely_ staring after Jeno. Impossible to understand. He won’t meet the dude’s eyes when he’s sitting right there but will watch him longingly once he’s gone.

“What the fuck is going on with you two?” Mark blurts.

Renjun is not even surprised by his question. He just sighs and rubs both palms on his face.

“Seriously, it’s always weird when you’re together, but somehow you’re _always_ together. I don’t understand.”

“It’s my fault,” Renjun answers. Mark has never heard him sound so dejected.

“What is your fault?”

“Jeno is…” He grunts, rubbing his face again. “And he’s always around! He won’t leave me alone!”

“Then tell him to leave you alone.”

A sad chuckle leaves Renjun, and he shakes his head. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Mark asks. He watches Renjun for a while, how he’s drawing circles on the water condensation on his cup. And then Mark gets it. “You’d miss him too much, wouldn’t you?”

Renjun never denies. Instead, he asks, “Are you free tomorrow?”

Mark is never free, there’s always something he should be doing. He nods, though, because Renjun looks nearly desperate as he waits for an answer. “Yes.”

“We’re seeing a band tomorrow. Not a concert, it’s just a pocket show. One of our friends is in a band, they got a slot at this hype pub. Yukhei is gonna be there, but,” Renjun scratches his cheek. “I can’t rely on him.”

Perhaps Mark should ask why he would need to rely on Yukhei, or why he seems to want Mark there for another reason besides the show. He doesn’t ask because he’s got an inkling of why, and he understands.

“Yeah, I can go,” he says.

Renjun smiles in thanks and looks back down at his cup.

Mark doesn’t say what he’s thinking. He doesn’t say that that night at the club, Jeno looked at Renjun as if he was the only one there. He doesn’t remind Renjun of how Jeno carried him home that night, brushing his sweaty hair away from his eyes, careful not to grip him too tightly. He doesn’t mention the cup of coffee Jeno made Renjun the next morning, or how he was sure Renjun was feeling alright before he went home.

There’s a chance that Renjun is protecting himself from something that wouldn’t even harm him in the first place. Mark doesn’t tell him that. He offers Renjun the assurance he needs instead and keeps his thoughts to himself.

\--

Is a marching band performance during the halftime of a high school basketball game considered a concert? Because if it is, Mark can say he’s attended a concert before. Renjun said this wasn’t a concert, though, it’s just a _pocket show_. Mark’s got no idea what kind of music Renjun’s friend’s band plays, but he’s not here for the music anyway. He’s here to show Renjun some support and to be his ‘getaway driver’ in case he needs to bail (there’s no car, though, they’d just be bailing by foot which is lame but well).

As he runs his eyes over the crowd, Mark realizes that this is the sort of place he feels the least comfortable. He’d quickly decline the invitation if it hadn’t been the first time Renjun has ever reached out for him. Making friends is not an easy deal for Mark, he really doesn’t want to ruin the few relationships he managed to acquire. Besides, this is what friends do for each other, right?

Mark leans back on the bar counter and sighs. Jaemin told him to open his heart to this experience, so instead of continuously complaining inside his own head, Mark decided he’s going to try to enjoy the show. Whenever he’s not babysitting Renjun, that is. When they arrived, Yukhei was already drunk and being escorted out of the pub by someone whose name Mark didn’t catch. He tried to give Renjun a hug, but nearly face planted. Mark felt bad for him.

With Yukhei gone, Mark becomes Renjun’s only companion. Which means he won’t be able to escape earlier if Renjun doesn’t want to go home, and he will definitely have to deal with Renjun’s attempts to undress later on when he’s drunk. Because Mark just knows he’s gonna get drunk.

Heaving another sigh, Mark gulps at his iced tea and gives Renjun a sidelong glance.

His roommate is quietly sipping at his drink (some peachy concoction that actually smells good), gaze lost in the crowd. They’ve decided to sit by the bar until “the others” arrive. Mark doesn’t know who else is showing up, but he has a hunch that Jeno might be on the way.

Curiosity is not one of his traits. From an early age, Mark was taught to mind his own business. He usually keeps his distance from subjects that might be too personal, and in turn, doesn’t go too far when talking about himself. For that very reason, he leaves Renjun be. He’s asked too much already. The brief conversation they held in the boba place was enough to paint him a picture of Renjun and Jeno’s relationship, albeit still not very clear. Mark doesn’t ask any more questions. He just offers the company his roommate seems to need and provides occasional commentary on people’s fashion choices. Those make Renjun laugh.

Renjun doesn’t show any signs of being affected when Jeno arrives, returning his smiles and accepting the arm Jeno throws around his shoulder. Mark tries not to watch them, keeping an eye on the band finishing up soundcheck on stage instead. He’s right here, and Renjun will reach out if he needs anything.

 

The band is a good one. All of Mark’s playlists consist of lo-fi hip-hop beats, so he’s not familiar with the slightly heavier sound they’re playing. It’s good, though. The three of them, Mark, Renjun, and Jeno move a little forward in order to watch them properly. He’s thinking about looking them up online when someone whispers in his ear and nearly scares the fuck out of him.

“Enjoying the show?”

Mark jumps in place, wide-eyed as he turns around to face a laughing Donghyuck. He curses out loud, a hand resting on his chest.

Donghyuck draws in a breath, “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you curse like that.”

“That’s because you’ve never tried to scare me to death,” Mark replies, speaking louder to make himself heard over the music. He feels his heart slowly return to regular beats.

For a second, he just looks at Donghyuck. It’s the first time they see each other after last Tuesday. Texts were exchanged, but all very superficial. Donghyuck had a busy week and Mark always has something to work on. Tonight Donghyuck looks at him with surprise in his eyes. There’s more of that glitter on his eyelids, and the sleeveless shirt he’s wearing says _MTV summer of 86_. Perhaps the light is playing tricks on him, but his bare arms also seem to be glittering. Mark feels suddenly thirsty. He looks up to meet Donghyuck’s gaze and swallows.

Mark didn’t know he’d be here. He should have expected it ( _’the others are coming’_ Renjun said).

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Donghyuck tilts his head to the side. His hair flops with his movement, and Mark has the sudden and inexplicable urge to pat it down. “Didn’t know you’d be here. You could have said something.”

Mark shrugs. “Renjun asked me to come.”

Donghyuck hums, eyes flickering all over Mark’s face. There’s something about the intensity of Donghyuck’s eyes that clouds Mark’s thoughts, makes him wanna drop anything and everything and commit to whatever it is Donghyuck wants from him.

Jeno’s voice breaks him out of the moment and reminds him of the reason why he’s here. Mark’s on a mission. He’s not here to flirt with Donghyuck and get lost in his charming brown eyes. He’s here for Renjun. Mark takes advantage of Jeno coming over to greet Donghyuck and moves to Renjun’s side.

“You good?” He asks just for good measure.

“Yeah,” Renjun answers. He sends Jeno a brief glance before looking up at Mark. “It’s alright.” Mark is not completely sold, but Jeno is back so he steps away.

“I need something to drink,” Donghyuck says next to him. His hand encircles Mark’s forearm, pulling. “Wanna come with me to the bar?”

Mark shoots Renjun and Jeno a quick look and registers the two of them chatting. Things seem to be okay for now, but it’s better if Mark sticks around. “Oh. No, I’m good.”

He doesn’t catch what Donghyuck says next, he speaks in a moderate volume right when the drummer is pounding the cymbals enthusiastically. Somehow, Mark doesn’t think about asking him to repeat.

Throughout the performance, Donghyuck keeps making short trips to the bar, and every single time he asks if Mark would like to go with him. Honestly, Mark isn’t sure if it’s okay to just abandon Renjun to his own resources. He keeps watching them from the sidelines, attentive to any developments that might not seem comfortable.

“Are you avoiding me?”

Mark frowns and turns his head to face Donghyuck. The latter clutches a plastic cup, blinking rapidly as he waits for an answer.

“Wha--”

“Because. You don’t want to be alone with me.” Donghyuck bites on his lower lip.

“I don’t want to…” He shakes his head, turns around completely. “What are you saying?”

“I asked you to go somewhere with me. Several times. And you refused.”

Mark stops. Blinks at him. He opens his mouth but doesn’t know exactly what to say, so he closes it.

“I,” Mark starts, swallows. “I wasn’t--”

“It’s okay, I’m not trying to force you to do anything, like, you’re completely free to do whatever you please!” Donghyuck hurries, grabbing the plastic cup with his other hand. “I just asked because… I wanted to know. If you were avoiding me.”

As he averts his eyes, Donghyuck looks nervous. Is he nervous? He fiddles with the edges of the cup, the glitter specks on his arms and face appearing almost mild and muted. Mark doesn’t like it. That’s not how Donghyuck is supposed to look. He’s bright and vivid and he reminds Mark of a summer afternoon. He takes a step forward, and lightly touches Donghyuck’s chin, lifting his face.

Donghyuck looks surprised, wide eyes and mouth ajar staring at Mark in what seems to be disbelief. Mark doesn’t go around touching people (definitely not their faces), but… Donghyuck looks unsure, and the thoughts crowding his mind are completely wrong.

“Hyuckie,” Mark says. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t avoiding you. Renjun asked me to come, and I didn’t want to leave him alone.”

There’s pink dusting Donghyuck’s cheeks, and it makes Mark want to brush a thumb there. He doesn’t though, that would probably be weird.

“Renjun is with Jeno,” Donghyuck says weakly.

“I know, but…” Mark lowers the hand that was touching Donghyuck’s face, but Donghyuck manages to grab it. Mark peeks down at where their hands are now joined and looks up at Donghyuck, chuckling. “He looked kinda desperate for company. Like he didn’t want to be alone with Jeno?”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. His previously balled up fist stretches out from beneath Mark’s hand. “They’re complicated, both of them.”

He keeps watching Donghyuck play around with his fingers, the music from the band on stage loud in the air.

“So,” Donghyuck says, making Mark look up. “You’re not avoiding me?”

Mark shakes his head. “Of course not.”

“Then. Can I kiss you?”

He’s not caught completely off guard by the question but still doesn’t fail to make him shiver. Mark swallows, and nods.

The hand Donghyuck slides into his hair is soft, gentle. It caresses Mark’s nape, brings him closer. Their noses touch and Mark can feel Donghyuck’s breath on his lips. This anticipation is only serving to make his stomach churn. Donghyuck pecks the corner of his mouth, and Mark lets out a shaky, anxious breath. Donghyuck keeps playing with him, dropping kisses all over Mark’s face, but avoiding the only place that’s itching to be kissed. There’s a moment in which Donghyuck lightly brushes his lips over Mark’s, but doesn’t slot them together, and Mark _whines_. He whines because he really wants that kiss, and Donghyuck chuckles. As if he finds Mark amusing. As if this… This _torture_ satisfies him. Well, Mark’s had enough.

Winding an arm around Donghyuck’s waist, Mark threads a hand into his hair, tightening the grip as he brings their mouths together. The gasp Donghyuck lets out is completely swallowed by the kiss, Mark’s tongue lapping over Donghyuck’s mouth to coax it open. He doesn’t have to try much, Donghyuck willingly allows him, going pliant in his arms, letting Mark kiss him however he wants.

This is a first. Mark’s has never initiated a kiss. Surprisingly, he doesn’t second-guess himself. Kissing Donghyuck doesn’t make him anxious.

Arms circling Mark’s neck, Donghyuck hums into the kiss. It’s a bit messy, open-mouthed. Their teeth clack together, their lips wet with saliva. Mark doesn’t remember ever kissing anyone like this, and he wants more. He brings Donghyuck even closer, sliding his mouth down to his jaw, his neck. Suddenly having his mouth is not enough; there’s so much of Donghyuck for Mark to explore. The first nip at the sensitive skin there has Donghyuck shuddering, a moan escaping out. Donghyuck fists Mark’s hair, and pulls, forcing them to face each other. They’ve been kissing for what? Two, three minutes? And Donghyuck already looks so wrecked, hungry.

He looks at Mark with dazed eyes, bites at his lower lip. “Keep doing that and you’ll get me hard.”

Mark feels his whole face going red, the tips of his ears tingling with the effect of Donghyuck’s words. “Sorry,” he says, a little breathless, mind still clouded by the kissing.

“Don’t apologize. ‘T was good.” Donghyuck runs a thumb over the line of Mark’s jaw, eyes dropping to his lips. “So good.”

As if he’s breaking from some sort of trance, Donghyuck blinks, eyes lifting. He smiles, giving Mark a quick kiss before pulling away. Not completely, though, he still manages to snake his hand down to Mark’s.

It’s comfortable. Standing next to Donghyuck, fingers loosely slotted together, music all around them. Donghyuck sways sometimes, dancing in place to the rhythm of a song. It’s nice. Mark thinks he could get used to this.

 

Roughly an hour after the band performance is over, Renjun tries to get rid of his shirt. That’s Mark’s cue. It sort of sucks because he started having some actual fun with Donghyuck instead of posing as Renjun’s guard dog. Donghyuck whines about it being too early to go home and how he was expecting Mark to hang around for a bit longer.

“You’re bringing him home, right?” Jeno asks once he’s finally wrestled Renjun onto a bar stool. “You know he’s a handful, do you need some help?”

He looks genuinely concerned, shooting looks back at where Donghyuck is holding Renjun upright in his seat. Funny. Mark’s been observing their interactions the whole night, and it’s safe to say that Jeno likes Renjun. Too much, if he’s honest. The reason why Renjun feels he needs back up to be somewhere with Jeno remains a mystery. The dude is an actual angel.

“Nah, I got it covered.” Mark’s says.

Jeno nods, albeit looking uncertain. He walks back to Renjun, and pets his head in an affectionate manner. “See you soon, Injunnie.”

Renjun, who suddenly looks sober, leans into his touch and asks, “Where are you going?”

“Mark’s taking you home,” Jeno replies.

Renjun is dejected, mouth dropping open and forehead creasing. “You’re not coming? Why?”

It really throws Mark a bit off. He honestly can’t follow those two.

“You want me to come?”

Nodding, Renjun breaks free from Donghyuck’s hold in order to burrow into Jeno’s side. He almost falls off the stool, but Jeno catches him right on time.

Donghyuck approaches Mark, leaning his head on Mark’s shoulder. It just feels natural to hug him, so Mark does, feeling Donghyuck’s arms wrap around him, nose pressed into Mark’s neck.

It’s odd. He’s never been good at this -- being close to someone, _touching them_. Mark has always been labeled as aloof and standoffish. Jaemin used to complain day and night about Mark’s seeming inability to show affection. It wasn’t that he didn’t _know_ how to be affectionate. He just… Didn’t feel like he should. Or if he could. He couldn’t really determine when it was okay to touch.

Donghyuck is the complete opposite. He’s always touching. If he hasn’t got his hands on Mark, he’s somewhere else popping kisses on Renjun’s cheek, or dragging Yukhei around by his hand. He’s clingy and overly affectionate. Mark’s standard behavior when faced with someone like Donghyuck is to run as far as possible away from them.

He doesn’t. Mark walks _towards_ him instead, and it makes him wonder if Donghyuck has bewitched him. If there was something in the water that day when they first hooked up at the club.

When Jeno says they should probably get going, Donghyuck’s arms tighten around Mark, and he sighs. Mark caresses his neck, rubs his back. He just can’t stop. He can’t stop wanting to touch Donghyuck.

“Hyuckie, I have to go,” Mark says.

“I like it,” Donghyuck mumbles, face still pressed against Mark’s neck.

“What?”

“You calling me Hyuckie.”

Mark’s stomach does a flip, and he hums. “Okay, but I still have to go.”

Donghyuck groans, unwillingly stepping away. He glares at Mark, and spits out, “Meanie.”

When he pouts, Mark brushes a thumb on his cheek. It eases the crease of Donghyuck’s forehead, and Mark is rewarded with a tiny smile.

 

Later, after Mark and Jeno have successfully tucked Renjun in, his roommate speaks.

“Hyuckie likes you.” His words come out garbled, but they still sound loud in the quiet room.

Mark blinks at him. It’s pretty obvious that Renjun is talking to him. Jeno just stands there, eyes shifting from Renjun to Mark.

“Like me,” Renjun continues. “I like Jeno. Hyuckie likes you.”

Ah. So there it is. The alcohol has him loose-tongued. It was also the alcohol that made him ask Jeno to come with them, most certainly. Next to Mark, Jeno has gone completely rigid. It’s dark, but Mark can still make out the surprise in his features, the way his mouth hangs open like someone’s just told him he won the lottery.

“Um, Renjun, why don’t you--” Mark steps closer to the bed. He shoots Jeno a worried look, but it’s like the guy is in a trance.

“I really like him, Mark,” Renjun mumbles, shifting under the blankets, and the way his words start losing form indicates that he’s finally falling asleep. “Jeno, he’s…”

And then he’s out.

For a moment, Mark and Jeno just stand there.

“We should,” Mark turns around, gesturing towards the door. Jeno blinks, then nods.

Outside, Mark takes a proper look at Jeno. His whole face has gone completely red, and his lower lip seems to be trembling. He looks pretty shaken.

“Do you want some water, I don’t know?” Mark offers. He doesn’t know what he should do, honestly.

Jeno shakes his head, though. He meets Mark’s eyes. “You heard him, right? He said he likes me.”

He sounds hopeful, eyes shimmering. Mark nods. “Yes, but you know… He’s pretty drunk, so...”

Jeno chuckles, eyes dropping to the floor. Both of his hands fly to his head, and he repeats, “He said he likes me. I thought he didn’t, you know. Because of what happened freshman year, I thought he… Had changed his mind.”

Mark watches a whole bunch of emotions flicker across his face: worry, happiness, relief. He hasn’t got a clue about what happened freshman year, but it might have been significant enough to reshape their whole relationship. Mark is thinking about Renjun, how he’s going to feel after he wakes up. If he’s going to remember anything; if he’ll be completely oblivious. Mark can’t say if Renjun was aware of Jeno’s feelings and avoided them on purpose. He can say, though, that he should probably stay away from it. Let them figure this out by themselves. So when Jeno asks if he can crash on the couch, Mark says yes.


	2. Chapter 2

Amid Renjun confessing his feelings for Jeno, Mark didn’t have time to think about the other thing that was said.

_“Hyuckie likes you.”_

Sunday morning sees Mark lying in bed, recalling the events of the previous night. How easy it was to fall next to Donghyuck, to touch him and let himself be touched by him. The tips of Mark’s fingers are still tingling with the ghost of Donghyuck’s skin. He liked it. Too much. It was intimacy on a level he’s never experienced before. Would it feel the same had Mark touched anyone else? Or is it a Donghyuck thing?

_“Hyuckie likes you.”_

Mark likes him too. He likes spending time with Donghyuck, listening to him, talking to him. Kissing him, touching him. Just being near him. Mark doesn’t remember ever feeling like this. It has his stomach flipping and his skin prickling.

Mark rubs his arms and sighs. There’s stuff he should be working on instead of musing.

He shoots a look at the closed door and asks himself if Renjun is already awake. He’s hungry, so he’d rather go outside and face whatever awkward situation those two might be in than starving to death in the safety of his room.

There’s no one in the living room, though. Mark checks out the whole perimeter, but Renjun and Jeno are nowhere to be found. Mark tiptoes towards Renjun’s door and tries to listen. He can make some muted voices speaking inside if he tries hard enough, which means they’re probably inside. Talking, hopefully.

It’s none of Mark’s concern, so he just moves to the kitchen and works on breakfast.

 

After Mark is done with his assignment, he considers moving onto an article he’s supposed to read for another class. He hasn’t talked to Jaemin in a while, though.

“Wow, is that the infamous Mark Lee?” his best friend mocks as soon as his face pops on the screen of Mark’s phone.

Chuckling, Mark waves at him. “Hey, Nana. Sorry for not calling before.”

“Have you been busy with school work?”

“That too.”

His response sparks an interest in Jaemin, who squints and gets closer to the camera. “What? You mean you did something other than studying?”

Mark rolls his eyes, “I do other stuff.”

Jaemin doesn’t give him a quick reply. He takes his time assessing and studying Mark, though. “Does that involve Donghyuck?”

It’s impossible to stop the blush from spreading all over his face, so Mark just hopes that poor internet connection manages to mask it.

“We went out this weekend,” Mark says and rushes to add before Jaemin can say anything. “But he wasn’t the one who asked me! My roommate didn’t want to be alone with this guy he’s into. I don’t understand what’s going on there. Renjun likes Jeno, and Jeno is _obviously_ in love with Renjun. What could possibly be stopping them?”

“Not everything is black and white, maybe something happened to them,” Jaemin shrugs. “But tell me, you were with Donghyuck last night? How was it?”

At that, Mark sighs, looking down at his fingers. “I don’t know, Nana. I like being with him. He’s… Very affectionate. It makes me want to be affectionate too, which is… Foreign to me.”

“Does that mean anything?”

“What does?”

“You wanting to be affectionate with Donghyuck. Does it mean anything?”

Mark can tell that Jaemin already knows the answer to that question. He wouldn’t just outright tell Mark, though. He’s pushing because he wants Mark to understand it himself.

“It,” Mark swallows, blinking at his best friend’s face on his phone. “It probably means that I’m comfortable around him.”

Jaemin remains silent, his head tilting sideways. Mark takes a deep breath.

“He said he doesn’t want a relationship, so what we’re doing might be meaningless to him.” Mark shrugs, although that hypothesis seems flawed if he takes the way Donghyuck acted last night when he thought Mark was avoiding him into consideration.

“Dude, that’s how ninety percent of all college romances start!” Jaemin exclaims. “Do you think two people just meet each other at a rager and decide they wanna be together for the rest of their lives? Surely, college is a den of one-night-stands, but people can meet and hook up for a while until they can figure out their feelings. If it works, great! If it doesn’t, they just drift apart. That’s how it rolls, man. Maybe this thing between you and Donghyuck will lead to something. Maybe it won’t.” Jaemin stares at him. “If you wanna know how it plays out, you just have to keep it going.”

Mark knows Jaemin is right. The thing is: does he want it to be something? And if he does, how can he be sure it’s his own feelings instead of some societal pre-construct that got shoved into his subconscious and is now making him believe he wants something? Mark has never had a relationship, and he hasn’t had a casual hook-up either. Jaemin is right, the only way of truly knowing what all that means is trying it out.

According to Renjun, Donghyuck hooks up with people on a regular basis. That’s probably how he came to know he’d rather not be in a relationship. Maybe Mark should do the same.

“Do you think I should go out with other people?” Mark asks.

Jaemin frowns, “What do you mean? Like, _instead_ of him?”

Mark shakes his head, “Not instead of him, but I could also meet other people. I have been focusing on my academic life ever since I enrolled, so I didn’t have any other type of experience. And people say that college is not only about your career, it’s also about figuring out who you are. Right?”

When Mark blinks at Jaemin, he can see a smile spread across his friend’s face. “You sounded so mature right now.” Mark blushes but rolls his eyes. “That’s it, Marky. It might be healthy. It might at least help you realize if what’s going on between the two of you is enough or if you’re after something else.”

Yes, it might broaden his horizons. And if he does it right, no damage will have to come to his academic performance.

Feeling hopeful, Mark smiles at Jaemin. “Thanks, Nana.”

His best friend smiles back, lifting an orange cat for Mark’s inspection. “Tell Marky you love him, Ronnie!”

Resigned, Mark chuckles, and says, “I love you too.”

 

Renjun and Jeno are sitting really, really close on the couch. They seem to be watching something on Jeno’s phone, heads brought together, hair strands mixing. The atmosphere is light, and all the tension around Renjun whenever Jeno was near is gone. Mark can tell from the way he’s smiling wide. They probably talked things through. Mark is happy for them, Renjun especially. They’re so engrossed in each other that they pay Mark no mind as he walks past them to get a glass of water from the kitchen. As he’s making his way back to his room, his phone pings with a new text and it makes both Renjun and Jeno look up at Mark.

“Hey Mark,” Jeno chirps.

“Don’t tell me you just woke up,” says Renjun.

“No, I was working on something,” Mark explains. “I’ll go back inside and finish it.”

He’s already opening his bedroom door when Renjun says, “Hey. Thanks for bringing me home last night. Did I try to… You know…”

“Get naked in public?” Mark snorts. “Yeah. But don’t worry, you remained decent throughout the journey.”

“Good to know,” Renjun nods, and Mark goes into his room.

He retrieves his phone from his pocket and checks the new text.

 **Donghyuck [2:08 PM]**  
what u doing?

Mark looks at his laptop, then at his pillow. He climbs his bed and types an answer.

 **Mark [2:08 PM]**  
Wondering if I should read an article for class or take a nap.

 **Donghyuck [2:08 PM]**  
im bored  
entertain me please

Mark snorts. What a spoiled brat. He complies, though, trying to open his door really quietly. He snaps a picture of Renjun and Jeno and goes back inside.

 **Mark [2:09 PM]**  
  
Consider yourself entertained.

 **Donghyuck [2:10 PM]**  
are those  
aRE THOSE RENJUN AND JENO??????????????????  
HOLY FUCK MARK  
DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAN d  
SHIT  
ARE THEY???  
WHATS FOING ON

 **Mark [2:11 PM]**  
As we were tucking a very drunk Renjun in last night he blurted out that he liked Jeno.  
Jeno heard it all, and had a mini heart attack seriously I thought he would drop dead right in front of me.

 **Donghyuck [2:11 PM]**  
oh my god

 **Mark [2:11 PM]**  
He spent the night over and when I woke up they were talking in Renjun’s room. Now they’re cuddling up to each other.

 **Donghyuck [2:12 PM]**  
do have any idea how huge this is?  
i thought it was over between them  
renjun was really reluctant

Perhaps Mark should ask what Donghyuck means by “I thought it was over between them”, but it doesn’t concern him. If either Renjun or Jeno wanted him to know, they would have told him.

 **Donghyuck [2:13 PM]**  
wait a sec

Sighing, Mark puts his phone down and leans back on the headboard of the bed. He lets his eyes fall shut for a moment, grabbing his pillow and hugging it close. A nap would do him so well. It’s not that late, he could sleep for an hour and wake up to read that article.

Then someone is pounding at his door, and Renjun bursts inside, striding towards Mark and thrusting his phone right in Mark’s face.

“Seriously?! You snapped a picture and sent it to Donghyuck?!”

Mark struggles to see with the screen this close, but he can still make the chat window and the exact same picture Mark sent Donghyuck. Shit. Renjun looks mad. See, this is why Mark often stays out of shit that doesn’t concern him. Why did he even think it was a good idea to snap that picture? As he faces his roommate, Mark is flooded by a bunch of emotions: fear (because Renjun is terrifying), shame (because what he did was morally questionable), and betrayal (because Donghyuck ratted him out). Shame wins, though.

Mark kneels on the mattress and brings his palms together. “I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have done it!”

“It’s not a big deal,” Jeno says from behind Renjun, and he doesn’t look in the least bit bothered.

“Yes, it is a big deal!” Renjun yells, pulling a face at Mark, who winces. “Now he’s coming over and he’ll keep asking questions because he’s _nosy_!”

That last bit of information calls his attention. Mark asks, “Donghyuck is coming over?”

“Yes! He says he wants all the details!” Renjun groans.

Jeno chuckles, massaging Renjun’s shoulders as if he finds it endearing, but Renjun shrugs him off. Mark frowns, unable to understand any of it.

“What am I gonna tell him?” Renjun asks Mark. “He thinks we’re together!”

Both Mark and Jeno ask:

“You’re not?”

“We’re not?”

Renjun stammers, “We a-are! But. We’re taking it easy.” He turns to Jeno, voice losing a bit of energy when he asks, “Right?”

“Yes,” Jeno nods. “But I don’t see why Donghyuck can’t know about it.”

“It’s not that he can’t know about it! It’s just that Mark took away my right to decide when and how to share this piece of information when he sent Donghyuck that pic!”

Something burns deep down Mark’s gut, and he winces once more, feeling like the worst person ever.

“I’m sorry, Renjun. I really am.” Mark hops off the bed and stands in front of Renjun. He’s tiny but surrounded by this strong aura that wards people off. “What can I do to make it up to you?”

“Unsend the text!”

“Injunnie,” Jeno sighs.

Mark blinks at him before looking back down at Renjun. “What if I do your laundry for a month?”

That seems to catch his interest. The arms he had folded over his chest fall gently to his sides, and the frown disappears from his forehead. He studies Mark’s face.

“You’ll pay for it?” Renjun asks for good measure.

Mark nods, “Yeah.”

“Anything I want?”

“Anything that belongs to you.”

Renjun thinks it over, scratches his chin. Then nods, putting out his hand. Relief washes over Mark, and he gives Renjun’s hand a shake.

He’s suddenly yanked closer to Renjun, who pins him in place with a nasty glare. “Don’t even think about pulling crap like this again.”

Invaded by shame and regret, Mark swallows and nods. “I won’t, I promise.”

Renjun squeezes his hand really tightly before releasing it. He spins on his heels and stomps out of the room. If he had long hair, it would have slapped Mark right across the face.

Jeno shoots him an apologetic look before following Renjun out. And Mark, feeling small and wrong, flops face first on the bed.

It was a stupid move, honestly. He didn’t even think much of it when he did it, which is kinda worrisome. Donghyuck said he was bored, and Mark acted without a second thought. He could have done anything else, though. He could have told a joke or sent him another type of picture. Why on earth did he take upon himself to break Renjun and Jeno’s privacy like that?

Mark lies there replaying Renjun’s outburst over and over for about thirty minutes until he rolls over and sits up. Dragging his laptop in, Mark opens the page of the article he needs to read and settles back.

After a couple minutes reading the same sentence, Mark deems himself unfocused. It’s a rare occurrence, he’s usually good at focusing, but there’s this heavy pile of guilty sitting at the back of his mind. Pushing his laptop onto the mattress, Mark stands up and exits the room.

The heads of Renjun, Jeno, and Donghyuck turn to look at him as he steps out, and Mark feels over-conscious of himself standing there, unwanted in yet another moment. He scratches the back of his head, opens his mouth to say something, but decides against it and closes it. He runs back inside and leans back against the door. Mark shuts his eyes and hits his fist lightly on his head a few times.

Quickly, he jumps in bed again and grabs his phone, sending Jaemin a text.

 **Mark [3:57 PM]**  
I did something really stupid.

He stares at their chat window for a while, but Jaemin doesn’t reply as fast as Mark would like.

Mark is typing another text when someone knocks on his door. He looks up, spooked, and bites on his lower lip. The knock comes again, and Mark stutters a “Come in.”

He sees a mop of bright, colorful hair first, then Donghyuck’s eyes peek from behind the door. He looks sheepish, asking, “Can I really come in?”

Mark exhales. How is he supposed to say no when Donghyuck is this cute? He nods and looks down at his phone again. Jaemin finally replied.

 **Nana [4:05 PM]**  
What happened?  
Mark?

 **Mark [4:08 PM]**  
I’ll talk to you later. But don’t worry, it’s nothing serious…

Donghyuck clears his throat, and Mark looks up.

“So. I probably shouldn’t have sent Renjun that pic.” Donghyuck winces, and he actually looks regretful. “I’m sorry, Mark.”

Mark shakes his head, “It’s okay. I’m the one who shouldn’t have taken the photo.”

“But I got you in trouble with Injunnie. I should have known he would go mental.”

Mark downcasts his eyes and sees that he’s got a new text from Jaemin. He’ll reply later. He doesn’t know what to say, so he just sits there in silence until Donghyuck speaks again.

“Are you okay?”

“I feel really bad for upsetting Renjun,” Mark confesses. There’s no reason not to be honest with Donghyuck. “He’s been a really good roommate and we’re finally getting close.”

It’s not like he spent a year trying to befriend Renjun, but the recent development in their relationship was very welcome, and Mark was quite pleased with it. Groaning, he covers his face.

“Hey,” Donghyuck says, sounding a lot closer. When Mark removes his hands, he notices that Donghyuck is now sitting on the bed. “Renjun overreacts sometimes. I’m not saying his feelings are wrong or anything, but he’s really… Stormy. I bet he won’t reconsider being your friend.”

“I agreed to take care of his laundry for a month, so he probably won’t hate me that much,” Mark shrugs. “But I still feel like crap.”

“Don’t,” Donghyuck says. “We all make mistakes. I did too, and you don’t hate me. Do you?”

It’s impossible to hate Donghyuck when he looks like this. When he talks like this when he worries about Mark like this.

“I don’t,” Mark says, offering him a smile. Donghyuck smiles back tenfold.

“Great! Now move over!” He pats Mark’s shoulder and gestures for him to make some space in the bed. Mark doesn’t understand what he wants to do at first, but it becomes clear once Donghyuck crawls further up and lies down. “My body is really tired. I couldn’t sleep well.”

Mark settles back onto the headboard, and asks, “Why?”

Donghyuck doesn’t answer immediately, and Mark looks down at him, curling into himself.

“Just school stuff,” Donghyuck sighs, looking up at Mark. His eyes don’t shimmer the same today, the lines of his face more pronounced than usual and his lips chapped. “It’s too much sometimes.”

His eyes fall closed and Mark feels an urge to run his fingers through Donghyuck’s hair. Jaemin used to do it for him, and it worked really well to ease Mark’s fatigue. He’s not sure if a gesture like this would be invasive, if he would be overstepping boundaries. Donghyuck is lying on his bed, and he actually looks comfortable. Would he feel unsafe if Mark touched him?

“Sometimes I think about going off-grid.”

Mark breaks out of his thoughts and blinks at Donghyuck. “Sorry?”

Donghyuck repeats, “Sometimes I think about going off-grid. You know? Like… Disappearing from the face of the earth. Moving to a remote island, or mountains far from the city.”

Mark has never heard Donghyuck talk like this, his eyes losing focus. It’s unsettling and concerning. “Why do you think about that?”

“Because the world is too demanding. Life is too demanding. Society and the system are not satisfied until they’ve taken away your last breath.” Donghyuck faces Mark, blinking at him for a second or two. “You know when you grow up as an exceptional child people keep expecting you to succeed. If you stumble once, it’s an opening for criticism.”

Ah. Mark can relate to that. Top marks were standard and rather overlooked. Average marks were not tolerated. Mark knew it was unfair, but he accepted it anyway. He kept reminding himself that his parents only wanted what was best for him, so Mark ended up working harder. More study hours, more extra lessons, more mock exams.

“I know what you mean,” Mark says. “My parents were really strict as well.”

Donghyuck hums. “I never really liked going to school. I studied, I had a good performance, but I didn’t love it. What I loved most about it was the LGBT Youth Group.”

Mark ponders, “For me, it was all automatic. I went to school, I learned, I went back home and processed everything just to repeat it the next day.”

“High school you sounds like a robot.”

“Pretty much, yeah,” Mark chuckles. “To be honest, I’m not sure if it stopped being like that.”

Donghyuck lifts himself up on his elbow, peering at Mark. “What do you mean? Like, uni is also like that for you?”

“Kinda. Is it not for you?”

“Not really,” Donghyuck shakes his head. “My parents wanted me to study something _important_ like Business, Law, or Medicine. It didn’t feel right. So I went for something that I knew would bring me joy.”

Mark can’t really picture Donghyuck as a Law or Business student. He’s art all around. Somehow, Mark doesn’t think he’d look the same if he weren’t an art student.

“I wanted to be an author.” He’s not sure why he felt the need to share that information, but it rolls out of his tongue. Perhaps the mood, the honesty in Donghyuck’s words prompt Mark to be honest as well.

“For real?”

“Yeah.”

“What kind of author would you wanna be?”

“A romance novelist,” Mark says, his cheeks tingling when Donghyuck smiles. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m trying to imagine what kind of novels would come out of that brain of yours. An investigation thriller featuring a retired lawyer trying to exorcize the ghosts of his past.”

Mark can’t help but snort, elbowing Donghyuck, who just downright cackles. “Stop making fun of me.”

When the laughter dies down, Donghyuck asks, “Why did you decide to go into Law school?”

“Because,” Mark shrugs. “I didn’t want to center my career around writing. I can still write a book someday, there’s nothing stopping me.”

“You’re right, there isn’t.”

That’s not the whole story. Mark swallows, casting Donghyuck a quick glance before focusing on the fiddling of his fingers on the hem of his shirt.

“My parents kept telling me I should take advantage of my… Abilities. If I could get into Law school, then why not?”

“You could have gotten into med school as well.”

“Nah, knowing myself I’d end up being a freaking surgeon and I can’t stand the sight of blood.”

“Overachiever.”

Mark feels the corners of his mouth quirking, “Yeah, so what?”

They giggle for a couple minutes, but neither say anything else. Mark checks his phone again, and acknowledges Jaemin’s frantic texts. He places the phone face down on the mattress again, and glances down at Donghyuck.

Mark didn’t notice how close he’s lying. Donghyuck’s nose is a breath’s width away from Mark’s thigh. Suddenly, his legs start itching. Mark stretches in order to scratch them, inwardly cursing at himself.

“I made out with some guy last night.”

It’s not that he wasn’t expecting Donghyuck to speak. He just wasn’t expecting those words in particular. Mark freezes, hands stilling the scratching against his calves. Dongyhuck made out with some guy last night? But they were together last night. They were attached at the hip from the moment Donghyuck arrived to when Mark came home. Oh, but Mark came home and Donghyuck stayed back. Mark was so preoccupied with Renjun that he didn’t even think about asking how Donghyuck would go home.

“Oh?” He says because honestly, he doesn’t know what else to say.

Mark sits upright, eyes focused on Donghyuck who also brings himself up, sliding backward until he’s leaning back on the headboard.

“I felt lonely after you left, so I thought it would soothe my nerves.” Donghyuck turns to face him and holds his gaze. “It sucked.”

Letting out a shaky breath, Mark blinks at him. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because. Ever since I’ve been with you it’s like every other guy out there became subpar. And it’s nonsense because all we’ve ever done is kiss.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes as if he cannot believe himself.

His words hover over Mark for a few seconds, and it’s like all the air has decided to evade the room. Like Mark is floating in space without the smallest gulp of oxygen to keep him breathing.

Does Donghyuck like kissing him that much? It’s clearly not about the act -- Donghyuck might like kissing, but here he is, saying that he brought someone home last night, but it sucked. Because that person wasn’t Mark. Because he couldn’t kiss him like Mark does. It’s odd, because Mark isn’t the expert here. Donghyuck is the first person he’s kissed more than once, and before him, he wasn’t out and about swapping saliva with people.

“I must be a really good kisser,” Mark blurts, the words not really crossing his mind before they come out.

Donghyuck hums, and says, “You should take responsibility.”

“What?”

“You ruined me for other people, now take responsibility.”

They look at each other for a while. There’s a meaning behind Donghyuck’s eyes, in the way he’s looking at Mark, running his tongue over his lower lip. It’s impossible not to follow the gesture, impossible not to notice how plump his lips are, how they glisten with moisture. Mark really wants to kiss him. He always wants to kiss Donghyuck, he reckons, but right now he _really_ wants to.

Mark comes closer, brushes a couple of hair strands away from Donghyuck’s forehead. He likes the feel of Donghyuck’s hair against his fingers, so he gets a lock between his thumb and index finger, sensing the texture. Slowly, the hand comes down to his shoulder, sliding upward to his neck. Mark rubs a thumb at Donghyuck’s throat, feels it when he swallows. Donghyuck’s mouth parts slightly, and Mark touches his chin, entranced, mesmerized at how beautiful he is. He doesn’t think he’s ever met someone quite like him.

It’s slow at first, the touch of their lips. It starts with a soft press, then another, and another. Then there are arms around Mark’s neck, and his eyes are falling shut. This one doesn’t feel like the other kisses they’ve shared. It’s like they’re taking their time, exploring each other.

Donghyuck throws a leg over Mark’s lap, planting himself right there without ever breaking the kiss. Mark can’t decide where to place his hands; Donghyuck’s hips, his thighs. He wants to touch everything. Right now, though, he wants this kiss to feel deeper, so he buries both hands into Donghyuck’s hair and kisses him harder. Donghyuck moans and a shiver runs down Mark’s spine. Feeling out of breath, he parts the kiss, opens his eyes.

Donghyuck’s cheeks are tinted with a lovely shade of pink, a stronger tone of red on his lips. It’s a sight to commit to memory. He doesn’t look too pleased with the distance, pressing closer, mouthing at Mark’s jaw. He looks and feels hungry against Mark, yet, there’s no haste to his movements. The open-mouthed kisses he plants on Mark’s jaw, his neck, are unhurried as if he wants to savor every second of it. Donghyuck’s mouth makes Mark’s stomach clench, makes him want like he’s never wanted before.

His pants are starting to feel a bit tight, so he tugs at Donghyuck’s hair, angles his head and kisses him again.

Mark likes this, and deep down, he knows he doesn’t like it because he’s into kissing. It’s Donghyuck. Because Donghyuck is the one he’s kissing. He likes kissing _Donghyuck_ , likes the way he tastes, the way their mouths fit so well together, he likes the slide of their tongues against each other. Mark likes touching Donghyuck and feeling gooseflesh all over his skin, knowing that it was Mark, Mark did that to him.

As he kisses Donghyuck, palms rubbing Donghyuck’s thighs, a thought crosses his mind. This is it, Mark thinks. He’s happy with this, it’s enough. There’s no need for him to go out with other people. The mere thought of kissing someone else when Donghyuck exists is preposterous. Sure, he might be drunk on that concept that you should only kiss people if you’re in love with them… Or something. Mark is not in love with Donghyuck. Is he? No, he’s not. He’s got no personal reference, he’s never been in love before… But this doesn’t feel quite like love. Love is overwhelming, it leaves you breathless, it twists you around, pulls you inside out. At least that’s what everyone else says about it, how movies and novels portray it. What he’s feeling is not as overwhelming as he imagines love would feel. It’s… Warm, and comfortable. It makes the tips of his ears tingle, it gets him excited. It’s not love. But he also doesn’t want anyone else. There’s no need for anyone else.

“Hey. You okay?”

They’re not kissing anymore, and Donghyuck is looking down at him with a frown.

“Huh?”

“You spaced out for a moment. It’s like I’m kissing a statue.”

Shit, he was deep in his own thoughts and didn’t even notice. “Sorry,” Mark squeezes his hips apologetically.

“I should be offended you fell out of it while kissing _me_ ,” Donghyuck pouts, tugging at Mark’s shirt. Cute.

Mark chuckles, and pecks his lips, “I’m sorry, Hyuckie.”

Donghyuck hums and smiles at him. He adjusts on Mark’s lap, sits back. He looks like there’s something on his mind. Mark doesn’t even have to guess what it is.

“I don’t wanna hook up with other people,” Donghyuck suddenly says.

Mark hears his words, acknowledges them. It’s a bit off-putting because, well, it contradicts that first conversation they had about _this thing between them_. At the same time, he’s filled with satisfaction and relief.

“I thought you said you weren’t looking for anything too serious,” Mark points out.

Donghyuck shakes his head, downcasting his eyes. “I’m not. I just. Wanna keep being not-serious,” he meets Mark’s eyes once again, “with you.”

Mark sucks in a breath. “Why, though?” He asks. “I mean, you’re… Gorgeous. You could have anyone you wanted. Why me?”

Donghyuck averts his eyes, blushes. He can’t bring himself to look at Mark while talking about it, it’s… _Weird_.

“I just. You’re… I don’t know, I can’t explain. I thought you were cute the first time we talked, but then you turned out to be smart. And shy in a really endearing kind of way.”

“But I’m… Lame. And an overachiever. I’m an overachiever, Donghyuck!”

His attempts to put some sense into Donghyuck all fail. Next thing he knows, Donghyuck is bringing their lips together firmly before saying:

“You said I could have anyone I wanted. I want you.”

And _this_ is overwhelming. Having Donghyuck say to his face that he wants Mark -- he’d rather kiss only Mark -- is too much. He’s really saying it, it’s Donghyuck himself who’s saying it not anyone else who’s trying to convince Mark that he’s kissable, that he’s wanted.

“You want me?” Mark asks, just for good measure.

Donghyuck nods, brushing his nose over Mark’s cheek. It makes him shudder in the best way possible. Mark tightens his hold on Donghyuck’s hips, brings him closer as Donghyuck says, “I want you.”

Their mouths just come together this time. It’s warm and familiar, but also hot and greedy. Like there’s a whole bunch about each other they still have got to figure out.

Minutes later when their kisses have grown lazy and quiet; when they’re lying face to face on Mark’s bed, Donghyuck asks, his voice not louder than a whisper, “Do you want me, Mark Lee?”

“Yeah,” Mark whispers back. “I do.”

 

It’s seven in the evening when Jeno knocks on Mark’s door asking if they’d like to go out for food. They end up at a burger joint, Yukhei and two other boys waiting for them.

Renjun groans at the sight of the two boys, “Why didn’t you tell me you’d be bringing Dumb and Dumber?”

“Excuse you, I washed your fucking face after you puked once,” one of the boys, the one with pastel green hair, says.

“Don’t curse at me, brat!” Renjun lifts a balled up fist, and the boy flinches.

Yukhei looks unbothered, “They just showed up.”

“He said Jeno would be here and he owes us dinner,” the other boy, slightly taller with orange hair, explains.

Jeno, who was parking, finally comes up. He spots the two boys sitting next to Yukhei and actually perks up. “Hey, it’s Dumb and Dumber!”

Green Hair groans, “Stop calling us that.”

Mark turns to Donghyuck. “Who are they?”

“Chenle and Jisung. They’re the mascots, you know, from the basketball team.” Donghyuck says, propping his chin on Mark’s shoulder. Mark’s arm automatically winds around him. “They hang out with us sometimes, especially if Yukhei is around. Jeno thinks it’s some sort of hero worship.”

Chenle and Jisung, Mark realizes, are demon children. They make Jeno pay for their food under the excuse he owes them, then eat Renjun’s nuggets without him noticing. Most of the night goes by and Mark manages to remain off their radar. They eventually catch up with him, though.

“So,” Chenle says, chin on his palm, smirking at Mark. “Are you Donghyuck’s new boy-toy?”

Mark chokes on his soda.

Renjun smacks Chenle’s head. “Don’t say shit like that.”

After wiping his mouth with a napkin and quickly recovering, Mark says, “The name is Mark, not that you’ve asked.”

“Oh, we know.” Chenle shrugs, popping one of Yukhei’s fries in his mouth. Mark would ask what that means, but he’d rather keep Chenle, demon child, away from his business.

Chenle quickly loses interest on Mark, though. He’s like an overly-excited puppy, unable to keep focus for too long, and Mark is thankful. He’s free to mind his own thing (or cuddle Donghyuck until someone calls them out on it).

Donghyucks is having a clingy day, it seems. His hands are on Mark the whole time, caressing his hair, leaning his head on Mark’s shoulder, entwining their fingers, rubbing circles on the back of Mark’s hand. It feels good to have someone’s full attention, it makes Mark want to give back just as much.

 

After burgers, fries, and other instances have been consumed, the group departs from the diner. Yukhei, Jeno, Donghyuck and the demon children go towards the campus residence. Mark and Renjun make the walk back to their place. It’s quiet between them, which is something Mark deeply appreciates. Renjun always allows a comfortable silence to settle down, and Mark would have let it run until their arrival at the apartment.

However.

“I’m glad to hear about you and Jeno,” Mark says, eyes on his feet. “And I’m really sorry about earlier. It was a dick move, that’s not how I usually act.”

It takes Renjun a few beats to reply, which causes a mild panic to start burning inside Mark. Then, he hums. “It’s okay. I might have reacted like that because I was nervous. I lashed out.” Renjun looks up at him. There’s softness in his eyes, evidence that he really isn’t upset anymore. “I wasn’t sure I wanted people to know right away.”

This is the cue for Mark to ask why. He doesn’t want to misstep again, so he just nods and remains silent.

Eventually, Renjun speaks. “We went out on freshman year.”

Mark turns to look at him, “You and Jeno?”

“Yeah,” There’s a faint blush on Renjun’s cheeks. “It was the first time I felt that way about anyone, so. It was scary. I decided I wasn’t ready for anything -- commitment or flings. So we decided to be friends, but… It’s always weird being friends with Jeno. Even though I was the one who decided we shouldn’t go past the friendship border, it was… _Wrong_. Like, I knew I didn’t want to be friends with him. But I’m confusing, I can’t put my feelings into words.

“I couldn’t tell that he liked me. To everyone else it was pretty obvious, but to me… He was just acting as he does with any other friend. And before that, back in freshman year, he used to date a lot of people.” Renjun sighs. “I couldn’t have known.”

Mark just listens, walking on Renjun’s pace, giving him the freedom to share what he feels comfortable.

“We talked this morning, and everything is much clearer now. We’re gonna take it slow, but it feels right this time. You know?”

He nods, offering Renjun a tiny smile. “I know. Thank you for sharing this with me.”

“I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“It’s okay, I knew you could bite when you moved in. Besides, I deserved it.”

“Ha,” Renjun elbows him, and it stings. Mark winces. “Are you calling me a dog?”

“Well, if the shoe fits…”

Next thing he knows Renjun’s got him in a chokehold and Mark learns that Renjun is actually really strong.

“How can you be strong and tiny it’s crazy,” he mumbles, massaging his neck.

Renjun shrugs, hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “It’s a gift.”

The rest of the trek back to their apartment is filled with that comfortable silence. Mark could ask him about what he said last night, regarding Donghyuck liking Mark. Renjun was drunk, though. He might not even remember his words, he might have been expressing his own opinion. Maybe it doesn’t even mean anything.

So instead of opening an inquiry, Mark resorts to basking in the comfort of the silence between them.

 

  
**Mark [11:02 PM]**  
Sorry for disappearing. I’m back now.

 **Nana [11:02 PM]**  
Mark Lee one day you’re gonna give me a heart attack  
What happened?

 **Mark [11:03 PM]**  
A lot. I took a pic of Renjun and his friend Jeno together and sent it to Donghyuck, then Donghyuck sent the pic to Renjun and Renjun snapped at me. Then Donghyuck came over and told me he took some dude home last night but it sucked because he can’t be with anyone who isn’t me anymore. Then we went out for burgers and now I’m getting ready for bed.

 **Nana [11:04 PM]**  
w hat  
Wait a sec  
Why did Renjun snap at you?  
AND I TOLD YOU DONGHYUCK LIKED YOU!

 **Mark [11:05 PM]**  
Okay, so Renjun and Jeno had something going on right? But this morning they talked it through and kinda decided to be together. They were on the couch being all snuggly and I took a pic and sent it to Donghyuck. Renjun snapped because he felt I was invading his privacy.

 **Nana [11:06 PM]**  
Well, he’s not wrong.  
But are you okay?  
Why did you take a pic, tho, that’s not like you

 **Mark [11:06 PM]**  
Donghyuck said he was bored

 **Nana [11:06 PM]**  
… srsly Mark

 **Mark [11:07 PM]**  
It was a mistake okay, I apologized. We’re fine now.

 **Nana [11:07 PM]**  
So. Donghyuck confessed huh.

 **Mark [11:08 PM]**  
It wasn’t a confession, he just told me he only wants to hang out with me.

 **Nana [11:08 PM]**  
Make out you mean

 **Mark [11:08 PM]**  
Yeah, that.

 **Nana [11:08 PM]**  
Why do you think that is?

 **Mark [11:09 PM]**  
He said he doesn’t feel like kissing anyone else.  
He said I ruined him for other people.

 **Nana [11:09 PM]**  
MARKY THAT’S A CONFESSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A BIG ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Mark [11:09 PM]**  
Shut up.

 **Nana [11:09 PM]**  
What did you tell him?

 **Mark [11:11 PM]**  
I just went with it. He said he wanted me, and asked if I wanted him too. I said I do.

 **Nana [11:11 PM]**  
You ‘went with it’? Pff.  
It almost sounds like you aren’t completely obsessed with him.

 **Mark [11:12 PM]**  
I didn’t know what to say, so I just kissed him.

 **Nana [11:12 PM]**  
Sigh.  
We gotta work on those communication skills.

 **Mark [11:13 PM]**  
:(

 

\--

 

Over the next couple days, the number of texts Donghyuck sends Mark increases. Mark receives random texts at the most unusual moments.

A selfie of his bored face while waiting for his coffee. Another selfie with his cup of coffee. A text about the lecture he’s attending. Another asking how Mark’s been doing. Sometimes Mark will forget to check his phone, and dozens of new messages from Donghyuck greet him once he does. They’re both busy during the week, so chances of meet-ups are pretty hard, but Donghyuck makes sure to express how much he’d rather be hanging out with Mark than doing whatever it is he’s doing.

It’s funny having someone be so open about how they feel about Mark. Not even Jaemin is that confident with words, and Jaemin is the most self-assured person Mark knows. Well. Now Donghyuck is that person, he guesses.

The texts lighten up his day. Usually, Mark goes about his stuff without much thought, it’s automatic. Somehow, texting Donghyuck throughout the day makes him a little more aware of his surroundings. It pulls him out of whatever trance the weight of a dull routine placed him in.

Right now, he’s on his way out of yet another lecture hall. He’s not really watching where he’s going, eyes on the screen of his phone where he can tell by the tree bouncing dots on the bottom of the chat window, that Donghyuck is typing a message. He snorts when it comes through, a pic of Donghyuck’s professor and a couple sleepy emojis around him.

Mark types out a couple ‘ha’s and sends it. That’s when Yerim touches his shoulder.

“Hey Mark,” she says, a tiny smile on her face.

Mark smiles back, pocketing his phone. “Yerim, hey.”

She hesitates, “Sorry, are you busy? I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“I got a two-hour gap now, shoot.”

“I hope I’m not being inconvenient, but I know you’re also taking Environmental Law, and I’ve been struggling a bit with the latest assignment. Like. I was hoping you would check it out for me? Maybe make a few suggestions? I’m not expecting you to proofread the entire thing, but, maybe just point me in the right direction, I-I’m not sure, but hey! It’s fine if you’re busy, I can totally work something out, maybe I can ask the TA, it’s just the last time I asked her she--”

Yerim is rambling, and Mark blinks at her, completely lost. He can’t even follow her thoughts anymore, he just nods, lips parting a bit in surprise. Yerim’s face is starting to color, and Mark keeps nodding.

“Yeah, that’s cool,” he says.

“...myself. What?” Yerim tilts her head to the side. “I’m sorry, I didn’t… Quite catch what you said.”

“I said cool. I’ll help you out.”

She looks shocked. “Seriously? Wow, thank you so much! When can we meet?”

Mark shrugs, “I’m not doing anything right now.”

For a moment, it seems as if Yerim is disappointed. Or is she taken aback? Mark can’t tell the difference sometimes. “Oh, right now?” She asks. Mark nods. “Oh. Um. Yeah, right now is fine.”

It’s an easy assignment, really, he doesn’t really understand why Yerim felt like she needed help. Especially when her essay turns out to be pretty good. Mark doesn’t even have much to suggest. Yerim is grateful and promises Mark she owes him one, even though he tells her it’s not a big deal.

The next time he sees her, Donghyuck is around. It’s Tuesday, and they meet as regularly scheduled. Mark doesn’t usually see her around Park Hall at this specific time, so it comes as a surprise when she walks up to him in the library while he’s in the middle of an enthusiastic discussion with Donghyuck about whether or not Game of Thrones is a waste of time.

“Mark!” She greets, a small wave.

“Oh, Yerim.”

“Hi.” She just watches him expectantly for a beat, then seems to remember what message she needed to relay. “So, since I owe you I was just wondering if you’d like to grab something to eat? Maybe. Not today, like, you must be tired. Some other day.”

Mark frowns, equal parts because Yerim is flushing and because he doesn’t recall her owing him anything.

“You owe me?” He asks, scratching the back of his head.

Yerim’s eyes widen slightly, and she explains, “Because you helped me with my assignment?”

It rings a bell, and his mouth drops open. Mark makes a low ‘ahhh’ sound and waves a hand. “You don’t have to, it took like twenty minutes of my time.”

The blush on Yerim’s cheeks refuses to dissipate. “I’d still like to thank you, though. I felt more confident about it after you read it over.”

Yeah, that’s pretty much all Mark did. Read it over. And honestly, he’s not sure how the quick look he gave the essay could have assured Yerim this much. He’s gathering his thoughts in order to politely explain to her that there’s no need to spend money on him when he didn’t really do anything. But then, Donghyuck flicks his neck.

The gesture pulls Yerim’s attention, and she looks at Donghyuck as if she’s noticing him for the first time.

Mark massages the spot hit and mumbles ‘ouch’.

“Don’t be rude,” Donghyuck chides and looks up at Yerim, one of those bright, sparkly smiles on his face. “Mark lacks social skills, you have to excuse him.”

Yerim giggles, and smiles back.

Watching Donghyuck with a pang in his chest that feels just a tad bit like betrayal, Mark squints. The pointed look that Mark receives from him should probably mean something. Donghyuck is trying to tell him something, but Mark just can’t… He can’t figure it out.

Heaving a sigh, Donghyuck gives up and smiles back up at Yerim.

Yerim looks back and forth between them, sounding unsure when she says, “Ah, that’s okay. Um. Mark?”

Donghyuck doesn’t let Mark speak. “I remember you. We met once, right? You’re so pretty.”

The blush is back on her face full force. “Thank you.”

“I’m upset Mark doesn’t bring his cute friends to our hangouts,” Donghyuck looks at Mark, and his eyes glint with _something_. Is it mischief? Curiosity?

“Um,” Mark clears his throat. “Yerim’s been my classmate since freshman year.”

“We worked on a group project together,” Yerim clarifies. She waits a moment, looking at Donghyuck. When he remains silent, Yerim turns to Mark. “So, are you free this weekend?”

Well, this is the first weekend in what feels like ages that he’s actually, genuinely free. There’s no article to be read, no bylaws to study, no mock trial to prepare to. Mark had nothing but lazying around and perhaps reading planned, but he’s not sure if he wants to go out with Yerim. It’s… It’s weird. She’s his classmate, and they haven’t really exchanged many words besides what was required for their projects and classroom assignments. Every one of their interactions was cordial, Mark doesn’t really think about her as a friend? An acquaintance maybe. He doesn’t go out to eat with acquaintances, he barely hangs out with his own friends.

Yet, Yerim is looking at him with bulging, apprehensive eyes, and Donghyuck keeps emanating this aura that Mark can’t distinguish (is he amused, is he feeling playful, is he anxious?). Mark should just tell her that he’s busy, she’ll never know.

“I’ll- I’ll be free this weekend.” He says instead. Because… Because everyone tells him he doesn’t go out enough. And Yerim is nice. They haven’t had many opportunities to get closer, maybe she’ll turn out to be a good friend.

Yerim’s face lights up like a Christmas tree. “Wow, awesome! Okay! Great! I think I have your number, don’t I?”

“I don’t remember,” Mark says as Yerim goes through her contacts list.

“Ah!” She exclaims, smiling. “Here it is. Nice, so I’ll call you. Or text you! Whatever works best for you.

“I’m cool with whatever.”

“Okay, that’s good. Nice. How does Saturday sound? 4 pm?”

“Sounds fine.”

“Good,” Yerim’s smile opens up. “Awesome. I’ll text you the details then.”

“Alright.”

“See you, Mark,” she waves at Donghyuck and walks away.

Both of them watch her leave in silence. The moment Yerim crosses the door, Donghyuck is flicking Mark’s neck again.

“Hey! Stop doing that!”

“You’re so dense, it’s painful.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes and places both forearms on the table and leans a bit closer. “That girl is totally into you.”

Mark snorts, “What, Yerim?”

“Yes, Yerim. You didn’t notice how nervous she was?”

“She’s just shy.” And that’s true, Yerim has always been like that.

It’s Donghyuck’s turn to scoff, and then he rolls his eyes again. Mark frowns.

Could it be? Could it be that Yerim actually likes Mark? Even if she did, Mark wouldn’t be able to tell, wasn’t able to tell the entire time. Even now, as the assumption downs on him, he’s not sure he’d know the proper way to act around her. It would probably hurt her feelings if he changed or something, so he’d just… Keep doing what he’s always done? Because Mark doesn’t really return her hypothetical feelings.

“You just agreed to a date with her, you know.”

He looks at Donghyuck, blinks at him. “A date?”

Donghyuck, in turn, laughs. “Aaaah seriously you’re one of a kind, Mark Lee.”

Mark doesn’t know what to say, how to explain to Donghyuck that his teenage years didn’t go down the same way his or anyone else’s for that matter. Mark missed on learning certain social cues, _particularly_ the ones of the romantic kind.

“Do you like her?” Donghyuck asks. His lips parted, glistening as he waits for an answer, eyes on Mark’s face.

“What? No!” The idea sounds sort of crazy to his ears, to be honest. “She’s my classmate, we did one thing together, that’s pretty much it.”

Donghyuck hums, chin tilting up. He watches Mark, assessing him. He scratches his throat and sighs. “Well, she likes you. And just managed to score a date.”

“It didn’t look like she was asking me on a date,” Mark says. Then again, what does he know about dates? He’s never been to one.

“You should probably buy her a corsage.”

This time, Mark can tell Donghyuck is mocking him. When Mark elbows him on the ribs, Donghyuck doubles over, falling on the table dramatically.

He hopes Donghyuck is wrong. Mark wouldn’t have said yes if he was aware it was an invitation to a romantic date.

With a glance at his phone, Donghyuck declares, “We should probably get going.”

Mark agrees, following him out of the library.

As the moonlight catches on Donghyuck’s cheekbones, and the chilling current ruffles his hair, Mark thinks that if one day he knowingly says yes to a date with anyone, that person will probably be Donghyuck.

 

\--

 

“ _That’s_ what you’re wearing to your date?”

It’s not the question per se that startles Mark. It’s the way Renjun gives his attire a once over, disbelief painting his features. Mark looks down at himself and frowns.

“What’s wrong with this? And how do you know about the date?” He shakes his head, reminding himself he never agreed to a date. “I-I mean, that I’m going out with someone?”

Renjun is sitting on the couch holding a mug that most probably contains coffee, his legs thrown over one sleepy Jeno. Mark knows they spent the night together, he was awake video chatting with Jaemin when he heard them tread into the apartment last night in their usual drunken state.

Renjun sips at his coffee, and arches his eyebrows, “Hyuckie told us about it.”

So Donghyuck mentioned that Mark is meeting with Yerim to Renjun and Jeno. It’s kind of hard not to wonder why, since Mark doesn’t even consider this thing a date.

He sighs, “It’s not a date.”

Renjun sips again. Jeno chuckles, “Hyuckie said the girl was all over you.”

Mark feels a tad bit distressed. It makes him want to pull at his hair and yell at them that Yerim was _not_ all over him, she’s actually super respectful and nice and they’re just classmates. Instead, Mark takes a deep breath and moves on to the kitchen. He gets a cup from the cupboard and pours himself some water. Mark drinks it slowly, avoiding Renjun and Jeno’s eyes following him around. It makes him feel like something is crawling up his skin.

“Fine, let’s stop thinking about this as a date,” Renjun cedes. “But would you say yes to a date with her?”

Mark can’t stop himself from scratching his head. “Why are we even talking about this?”

Jeno probably sees something on his face that makes him step back, eyes widening. “Sorry, we didn’t mean to interrogate you or anything.”

“Actually, I’m curious.” Renjun stands up, hands Jeno his mug, and walks over to where Mark is standing. He’s quite tiny, Mark has to actually look down when Renjun is this close. “Why did you say yes?”

“Because she insisted,” Mark says. “And because everyone keeps telling me I don’t go out, and she’s a nice person, and she was offering free food! But she never said anything about it being a date, whatever Donghyuck told you guys is not right. He’s the one who thinks she’s into me, that’s not really the case. We’re just classmates, I help her out sometimes.”

Renjun hums, and it sounds rather condescending for Mark’s taste. He’s not annoyed at people often, but he’s annoyed at Renjun right now. Mark makes sure it shows when he glares at his roommate.

“I gotta go,” Mark announces and leaves without waiting for an answer.

 

Yerim is already there when Mark arrives. She chose a nice café, cute, cozy. The dress she’s wearing is pretty, colorful with predominant tones of yellow and pink. Her hair also looks different, curling at the ends. She’s pretty. Maybe Renjun was right to question Mark’s fashion choice when he’s wearing ratty old jeans and a white hoodie.

Talking to Yerim doesn’t take much effort. They’ve got a lot in common -- same major and all --, but Yerim is also a pretty dedicated student. She tells him about high school and how she was pretty much busy with the school paper and didn’t have time for fun stuff. They laugh when Mark retells the embarrassing tale of his first kiss. Even their orders are similar: Yerim also doesn’t like coffee and prefers iced tea to go with her french toast. Mark orders cake and Yerim asks if she can sneak a bite. They end up sharing the slice, and it’s all too comfortable and nice.

When they’re on their way back to the bus stop (Mark insists on taking the same bus as Yerim. It leads him a bit farther from his apartment, but he’d keep her company), it dawns on him that this whole outing really felt like a date. Or the idea that Mark has of dates. And surprisingly, he had fun. He could do this. He could go out with someone, enjoy their company, and have a great time.

“Thanks for coming, Mark,” Yerim says while the bus gets closer to her stop.

“I had fun,” Mark tells her honestly, and Yerim grins at him.

 

The walk home from where he got off the bus is filled with musing. Mark doesn’t think Yerim tried to flirt with him. She was nice and friendly, and very polite, but not flirty. Would Mark even be able to tell if she was being flirty? Donghyuck is flirty, with his touches and sparkly eyes, and coy smiles. Yerim was nothing like that.

Donghyuck, though.

Donghyuck is on Mark’s living room floor when he comes back, playing some sort of card game with Renjun and Jeno. The three of them look at Mark and say nothing for a moment. Somehow, Mark feels under the spotlight.

“How was your date?” Asks Renjun.

Maybe he’s still annoyed, or maybe it’s the way Renjun looks at him, quite mocking and derisive that makes him respond with, “It was good,” before heading towards his room.

He sits on his bed and thinks about texting Jaemin, telling him how it went. While he was with Yerim, he noticed about seven new texts from Jaemin. Even though Mark told him it wasn’t a date, he’s pretty sure Jaemin didn’t really buy it. Hence the anticipation and inability to _wait_ for Mark to text him back. Instead, Mark calls him.

“FINALLY!” Jaemin screeches in lieu of picking up the phone like a regular person.

Mark winces and flops back on the mattress. “Dude, calm down.”

“Don’t ‘dude’ me, I’ve been a pile of nerves! How was it? Tell me everything!” Mark can hear a couple meows somewhere near Jaemin, and smiles.

“It was cool. We talked, ate, then took the bus back together. I told you it wasn’t a date.” Mark leaves out the part where he actually thought it felt like a date.

“Did she get kissy with you?”

Mark splutters, “What? No. What does that even mean?”

“So no kissing?”

“Of course not, Nana. How many times will I have to tell you it wasn’t a date?”

Jaemin is silent for a bit. Eventually, he asks, “And Donghyuck?”

Something squeezes at Mark’s stomach. “What about him?”

“Was he okay with you going on that date?”

Mark stops. Thinks.

Donghyuck didn’t comment much on it, at least not to Mark. He remarked that Yerim liked Mark and that their friendly meet-up was actually a date, but didn’t say any more. They haven’t seen each other since Tuesday, and all the texts Donghyuck sent him read pretty normal. And even if he weren’t okay, they’re not each other’s anything, are they? They’re just… They just make out occasionally.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Mark says. “He doesn’t have to be okay with anything.”

Jaemin hums, “But did he look upset?”

“No. Not that I’ve noticed.”

Silence permeates again, and the only thing Mark hears is Jaemin breathing. Then, there’s another meow.

“Ronnie misses you,” Jaemin says. “You should visit us sometime.”

Jaemin doesn’t live that far. It’s a two-hour trip, Mark could actually make it down there one of these weekends. They haven’t seen each other since summer when they were both back home.

They hang up with the promise of arranging a visit, and Mark realizes he’s gotta pee. He goes outside and registers that Renjun, Jeno, and Donghyuck are still playing their cards. They don’t look at him this time. Not when he goes into the bathroom, not when he comes out. He watches Donghyuck, looking cheerful as he accuses Jeno of cheating.

Mark feels like sitting next to them, ask what they’re playing. At the same time, he doesn’t know if he’d be welcome in their little activity. He hovers for a while, looking at them, wondering if he should go back to his room, maybe detour to the kitchen and brew himself some tea. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

He takes out the boiler and the tea, sets everything up. It takes him approximately three minutes, and during those three minutes, no one seems to notice him. Mark worries at his lower lip, steals a few glances at Donghyuck. He’s wearing a black, long-sleeved shirt, and his hair is kinda messy as if he didn’t spend much time on it. Looking at him makes Mark’s chest feel tight. Earlier Yerim looked pretty with her colorful dress and styled hair. Still, she wasn’t pretty like this, like Donghyuck so effortlessly makes it hard for Mark to breathe. There’s something magnetic about him; like they’re opposite poles and Mark is always being dragged towards him, unable to look away.

He only realizes he’s standing there staring at Donghyuck when the boiler starts making noise. He shuts it off and drops a tea bag in a mug, pouring some hot water later. He turns back to the trio on the floor and is surprised to find Donghyuck looking right at him.

He’s watching Mark with a neutral expression, blinking, contemplating. It’s weird. Ever since they became close, Donghyuck was always one to jump on Mark, cling to his arm, press kisses to his neck and pet his hair at any given situation. Donghyuck has never looked at Mark like _this_ , face blank and expressionless. There’s that feeling again, of something crawling up Mark’s skin. It makes him break eye contact and look down at his mug.

When he looks up again, Donghyuck’s attention is back on the game. Mark moves the tea bag up and down in his mug and considers going back to his room. He feels tense out here. Weird. He came in and Donghyuck didn’t greet him, now he’s looking at Mark as if there’s something wrong, and Mark is _stressed_. He’s pretty sure the tea bag could rest in water for a while longer, but he’s anxious, so Mark dumps it on the trash and walks out of the kitchen. Again, no one pays him mind, and Mark goes into his room and plans on never leaving. Ever again. He’s gonna die in here.

The mug goes on his nightstand, he doesn’t even feel like drinking tea anymore. Mark paces, feeling stupid and childish. Why is he even stressed? Because Donghyuck didn’t smile at him when he came in? That’s stupid. So fucking stupid. Something so trivial shouldn’t have control over his mood, Mark is bigger than that. Isn’t he? Two months ago he didn’t even know Donghyuck’s name, they only talked in passing whenever Donghyuck brought Mark’s inebriated roommate back home. Were two months enough to change every single aspect of their relationship? Was it enough to make Mark go crazy over the mere fact that Donghyuck didn’t say hi, or didn’t smile, or didn’t touch him the minute his eyes landed on Mark?

Running both hands through his hair, Mark sits on his bed, then stands up. Why does he feel like it’s his fault? Like maybe he did something wrong and that’s why Donghyuck looked at him that way. This fucking sucks. It’s exactly why Mark doesn’t engage with _people_. He should just move into a cabin in the woods and live the rest of his life as a hermit. He would probably make friends with woodland creatures, Mark bets they’d be easier to deal with.

A few minutes later, after he drinks a mug full of hot tea in a single gulp and cocoons himself under his blankets, there’s a knock on his door. Mark lifts his head and blinks at the figure making their way in. Donghyuck doesn’t wait for Mark to allow his entry, he just comes in, closing the door rather quietly and then leaning back on it. He looks at Mark in that very same way -- blank, neutral.

Mark feels like groaning. Did Donghyuck come in just to keep making him feel like crap?

“Is everything okay?” Donghyuck asks, voice a bit lower than usual.

“Yeah,” Mark replies. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

Donghyuck shrugs and pulls away from the door, eyes roaming around Mark’s room before settling on him. “You were quiet when you came in.”

 _You also didn’t greet me_ , Mark wants to retort, but he just hums instead, shifting on the mattress until he’s in a position that makes it comfortable to look at Donghyuck.

“I’m fine,” Mark says. He licks his lips, which have suddenly gone dry. “And you?”

Donghyuck doesn’t reply with words. He just makes a sound that’s something between a groan and a whine. Donghyuck sits down on the floor, against Mark’s dresser. It forces Mark to sit up on the bed to see him properly.

They sit in silence, eyes on each other. Mark lacks on social skills as everyone says, but he’s pretty sure there’s stuff they’re not saying. Something tells him that Donghyuck didn’t come inside just to briefly ask if he’s okay, and then sit on Mark’s floor and look at him with those big eyes charged with… Something that makes it hard for Mark to think.

“How was it? With Yerim?”

It’s like a freighter falls on Mark’s chest, big and heavy. He swallows, trying to breathe around the blockage in his throat. He doesn’t want to talk about Yerim with Donghyuck.

“Fine.” Mark hopes his tone conveys finality.

It works. Donghyuck nods and lowers his eyes to where his fingers are entwined and propped on his knees.

There’s silence again, and this time it feels suffocating. Mark kicks his blankets off and runs hands through his hair again. He’s still in the clothes he wore to his outing with Yerim, and now he feels hot in them like he’s gonna break into a sweat any minute.

“I applied for a fellowship,” Donghyuck says out of nowhere. He lifts his head and looks at Mark earnestly.

“Oh? What kind of fellowship?”

“It’s the Bright Minds Fellowship, offered by that Ko-Son Commission. They pair up undergrads with mentors on their respective areas of research. The spot I applied to is in our campus, and I’d be working with a professor I really like,” Donghyuck shrugs. “At least that’s my hope. I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it to you, but I’m planning on signing up for grad school here as well, and I’d like to have her as my advisor. This fellowship would be great for my resumé, and I’d be making a lot of connections.”

Mark’s heard about this fellowship. He even thought about applying for it once. His focus was elsewhere then, and he eventually forgot about it. It’s nice that Donghyuck is thinking that much ahead, and that the picture of his future seems so clear to him.

Still, mentioning the fellowship feels like an attempt to change the subject. One that Mark gladly welcomes. He’d much rather talk about this than his pseudo-date with Yerim.

“You’ve never mentioned grad school, but it doesn’t surprise me,” Mark says. “Sounds like a path you’d follow.”

That makes Donghyuck smile, even if it’s still weak.

“When will you get the results?” Mark inquires.

“It’s been a few weeks since the application deadline, so next month, maybe?”

There’s not a speck of doubt in Mark’s heart that Donghyuck will get that fellowship. He’s just the kind of candidate they look for in selective processes like those. He’s practically a diamond in a sea of glass.

“I hope you get it,” Mark says, and he really does. Donghyuck deserves the brightest of futures. Mark would bet all his coins on him.

“Thanks. Are we still on for Tuesday?” He sounds a bit unsure; as if something could have disturbed their regularly scheduled programming.

“Of course. We’re always on for Tuesday.”

That grants him yet another smile, a prettier one this time. It still doesn’t quite reach Donghyuck’s eyes, and it makes Mark wonder if there’s a loose screw in the machine that keeps them functioning. If anything broke down. He doesn’t ask; chooses for returning Donghyuck’s smile, hoping that soon enough everything will fall back in place.

 

\--

 

Over the span of a few days (hours, really), Mark shapeshifts into a bundle of anxiety. If he were able to explain, he’d blame it on the decrease in the number of times Donghyuck texts him a day. Through his texts, Donghyuck sounds almost… Upset? But it doesn’t make sense, so Mark shrugs it off (Mark refuses to let it make sense). Still, he’s a mess, and it reflects on his school performance. He’s unable to engage in classroom debates, and he struggles to write. Mark struggles to write -- that’s probably what baffles him most. It’s the bare proof that something is definitely not right.

Renjun notices on Monday evening. Mark’s on the couch, laptop perched on his lap, trying to write a couple words for a study guide. It’s just a freaking study guide, nothing much, but he couldn’t focus. So he left his bedroom and sat by the desk, his usual spot. It didn’t work there as well, so Mark moved to the couch, hopeful that a change in _furniture_ would do him good. That’s when Renjun intervenes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Of course, Renjun’s way of showing he cares sounds a bit like aggression.

Mark arches his eyebrows, “What?”

Renjun folds his arms and cocks his hip, “Something’s definitely going on because whenever you sit down with that computer of yours it’s like you’re in a trance; completely dead to the world. Tonight you haven’t stopped moving ever since you came out of the room.”

“Ah,” Mark mumbles.

“Have you even brushed your hair?”

Mark absently touches his locks and they do feel a bit tangled. “I don’t remember.”

Renjun frowns, looking genuinely confused. He looks like he wants to argue, but changes his mind at the last second, and sighs, stepping closer to the couch and taking a seat next to Mark.

“Are you okay, Mark?” He asks, no snark or annoyance in his voice.

“Um. Yeah, sure,” Mark says half-heartedly. “I’m a bit anxious, but that’s fine.”

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you anxious?”

Mark blinks at his laptop. He’s been trying not to think about it (trying not to make sense out of it) but it all started Saturday night after he came back from his pseudo-date with Yerim. Which sucks, because he had a good and not at all romantic time with her. But somehow, he felt like, perhaps, going out with her was a mistake, and he might have hurt someone in the process. _That’s_ the part that shouldn’t make sense because the person who would have gotten hurt by Mark going out with Yerim is Donghyuck. The same person who was very clear about not wanting to commit to a relationship.

But then. Then, Donghyuck said he wouldn’t hook up with anyone but Mark. Should that count as commitment? Was Mark supposed to have seen that as… The beginning of their relationship? He’s so confused.

“You look like you’re in pain,” Renjun says, and it breaks Mark out of his thoughts. “Hey, whatever’s in there, don’t let it grow. It’s obviously eating you up.”

“It’s just--” Mark starts, still unsure if talking about it with Renjun is a good idea. “It’s so confusing.”

“What is?”

“This… Whole thing. Like. It wasn’t a date!” Mark closes his laptop shut, pushes it aside and turns towards Renjun, crossing his legs. “Everyone kept telling me it was, but it wasn’t! She wasn’t flirting, I wasn’t flirting. We didn’t even touch each other. I don’t understand why… Renjun, I’m feeling guilty. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, but I’m guilty.”

Mark talks so fast that Renjun says, “Slow down,” before nodding, eyes soft and understanding. He places a hand on Mark’s shoulder, and says, “You shouldn’t feel like that.”

“Then why do I?”

He’s not given an answer, Mark deflates, pushing his face down into his hands. This is completely unprecedented. He doesn’t know how to deal with it, it’s rendered him hopeless.

“Look,” Renjun says, squeezing his shoulder. It prompts Mark to lift his head and stare at him. “I don’t want to meddle or anything, but maybe the two of you should talk.”

Maybe. But what would Mark even say? That he feels guilty for going out with a friend? Claim, yet again, that it wasn’t a date? He’s going to sound like a broken record. It’s tiring to his own ears.

Suddenly, a memory crawls up from the back of his mind.

“You said that he likes me,” Mark asks. “Was it true?”

Renjun sighs; retrieves his hand from Mark’s shoulder and uses it to scratch at his own arm. “Not sure I’m the one you should discuss it with.”

“But you’re the one who said it. Remember? When you were drunk that night, you--”

“I don’t remember, but Jeno told me. I shouldn’t have said anything, Mark, I was wasted.” Renjun shakes his head. “Seriously, you need to talk to Donghyuck about it.”

Mark curls into himself, legs to his chest and arms around it. “You asked, I was just telling you--”

“No, no, _shit_ ,” Renjun waves frantic hands in Mark’s face. “Of course I asked, I was worried. I _am_ worried. You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

That’s how Mark feels as well. He sniffs, rubbing his eyes. Renjun is right, he must talk to Donghyuck. Mark will never figure it out by himself, it doesn’t only concern him. There’s a reason why he’s feeling guilty, and it’s not just his mind being a jerk. Donghyuck acted weird on Saturday, and Mark just assumed. Assumption led to freaking out, which led to anxiety and not sleeping properly (not brushing his hair, apparently). Mark knows better than this. Yes, this is an unusual situation, but he’s not a child anymore.

Determined, he meets Renjun’s eyes. “I’ll talk to him.”

 

Mark goes by Tuesday trying not to cloud his own judgment with bullshit. He goes to his classes, works his best on maintaining focus, but it’s a tough grind. Yerim even approaches him about it, asking if he’s doing alright and if he needs help with anything. He brushes her off. Kindly, of course. Somehow being around Yerim doesn’t make him feel any better.

Even though Mark’s got gaps between his lectures, he doesn’t really feel like eating. The half of a kimbap roll he had for breakfast fuels his whole day. He texts Jaemin to keep himself distracted, but Jaemin has classes and can’t answer right away. Mark can feel himself begin _stressing_ , but then another lecture starts and he focuses for ten minutes and then gets lost.

When his last lecture of the day comes to an end, Mark feels his organs melt inside him. His heart pounds in his chest so loud that he can actually hear it. Donghyuck is probably waiting for him in the library already. Mark doesn’t even fool himself into keeping a cool semblance, he grabs his stuff and flees the room as fast as he can, in a hurry to end this agony once and for all.

Donghyuck is there, as expected. He’s fiddling with his fingers, eyes trained on them on the table. He’s got the hood of his jumper up, casting a shadow over his face. As Mark approaches, Donghyuck lifts his eyes, and upon spotting Mark, he straightens up. Mark swallows.

Donghyuck lets out a breath and smiles. “Hey.”

Mark clears his throat, taking a seat. “Hey. Have you been here long?”

“Not long,” Donghyuck shakes his head and pulls his hood down. Mark notices that the colors in his hair are muted. He probably needs a re-dye. “Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah, yeah.” No, he didn’t. “You?”

“Mm.”

They’re quiet for a few seconds and it’s enough for Mark to be flooded by dread. It’s fear that they’ll never be able to go back to where they were before, fear that Mark has forever ruined the best relationship he managed to build ever since Jaemin.

But then Donghyuck speaks, “Hey, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

Mark’s heart skips a beat. He nods.

Donghyuck visibly swallows and pinches his nose briefly. “So. I need to apologize. I was the one who kept telling you your friend, Yerim, was into you, and that she had asked you on a date. Even though you assured me that wasn’t the case.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes and rubs both palms over his face. “God, I even told Renjun about it.”

The way Donghyuck can’t seem to meet Mark’s eyes bothers him. He says, “No, wait, it wasn’t all you. I made it weird--”

“ _I_ made it weird, not you. You just went out with a friend who wanted to repay your kindness, and I made it look like she was going to propose to you.”

Mark’s not entirely sure repaying his kindness was all Yerim wanted. She could be a mastermind, she could be trying to worm her way into Mark’s heart. Didn’t she invite him out for tea this afternoon? Donghyuck could be right, she could be into him. But it’s a scenario that Mark would very much like to avoid thinking because it entails him having to turn her down, and that stresses him out.

It doesn’t sit well with him having Donghyuck apologize for getting things wrong when the entire affair did feel like a date in the end, but a _non_ (?)-romantic one, if those even exist. Mark should probably tell him that, he should probably tell Donghyuck that e--

“I was jealous.”

First, Mark’s brain doesn’t really process what his ears just captured. The information sits in his head for a bit until Donghyuck repeats himself.

“I was jealous. I didn’t like it.” Donghyuck’s blushing, and he chews on his lip as if to get them just as red.

And then Mark comprehends it. The cogs in his mind start working again, and he gets it. Donghyuck was jealous. Donghyuck was _jealous_ of the prospect of Mark going out with Yerim. But…

“That’s… That’s not how it works between us, is it?” Mark asks just for good measure because he’s starting to get lost again. Did he miss anything? Any shift in his dynamics with Donghyuck?

He watches as Donghyuck’s whole face falls, eyes downcast to the table. “No,” he says quietly, voice so low it’s almost a whisper. “And I know the way I acted made you feel bad. I’m sorry, Mark.”

That’s not right. None of it it’s right, Mark doesn’t like the way this is going. He shakes his head, and says, vehemently so Donghyuck will understand, “You don’t have to apologize, Hyuckie.”

Donghyuck scoffs, rolls his eyes, but still avoids to meet Mark’s. That’s _not right_. “Of course I do,” Donghyuck says. “It was weird after you came home on Saturday, you don’t have to deny or downplay it. And it was weird because of me.”

Mark lets those thoughts sink in, registers them all. Yes, it was weird when he came home, but he was feeling like crap. He was feeling guilty because he didn’t think he should go on cute dates with pretty girls when Donghyuck was right there. Not because he _owed_ Donghyuck something, Mark knows they’re not committed to each other. But maybe because… Because he didn’t feel like there was a need for it. Why would he want to go out with someone else when Donghyuck wanted him?

Is Mark coming up with excuses to exempt Donghyuck of any blame he might be bestowing upon himself? Because if Mark thinks harder, he was feeling quite good about his and Yerim’s outing. It was nice, they had a good time, and he thought she would end up being a good friend. And then he came home… And there was an odd atmosphere around. Donghyuck didn’t say hi.

He didn’t greet Mark. And then he kept looking at Mark with those introspective, nearly sad eyes.

So Donghyuck made it weird. He made it weird because he was _jealous_. Consequently, Mark felt guilty.

He doesn’t know for how long they sit there in complete silence, doesn’t even realize they’re not talking anymore. That is, until Donghyuck speaks, “I think we could, you know, stop for a bit.”

This time, Mark doesn't need time to understand what he means. He knows. He understands. It makes his blood run cold in his veins and his stomach so tight he could throw up.

Mark understands, but he's silent. Donghyuck probably assumes Mark didn't catch it, so he elaborates, “We should stop. You know? I don't really know where we stand and I have a feeling you don’t either, so I think it's for the best if we… Just… Stop.”

Donghyuck doesn't look very convinced of his own words, even though he's saying them. He's looking right into Mark's eyes and saying those words. Donghyuck wants them to break up. Funny that Mark should think about it as breaking up -- they're not a _fucking_ couple.

“Mark?”

Mark is probably looking like a loser, staring at Donghyuck with wide eyes, mouth ajar. He blinks out of his stupor and swallows.

“Ah, yes,” he clears his throat. “Stop. Okay. If that's what you want.”

For the second time tonight he watches as Donghyuck’s demeanor changes and turns dejected, crestfallen. He doesn’t look like he approves of what’s going down. So why… Why is he doing it?

“If that’s what you want,” Mark repeats, not too firmly, barely audible.

Donghyuck holds his gaze for a beat or two, then blinks, nodding. “I-I think so. Yeah.”

Mark lets out a shaky breath, hopes he’s not looking as miserable as he feels. “Ok. As long as you’re sure.”

This didn’t turn out as Mark expected. He wasn’t completely sure of what to expect, but this… This definitely wasn’t it.

As they make their (totally silent) walk to the bus stop, Mark’s brain can’t stop uselessly supplying him with memories of kissing Donghyuck. The way Donghyuck’s lips fit so perfectly on his, how soft and plump they feel. How much Mark likes when Donghyuck grips at his hair, how he pulls at them in order to angle Mark’s head better, how that works to deepen the kiss. Fuck, Mark really likes it. He likes kissing Donghyuck, he likes spending time with Donghyuck, he likes lying in bed and chatting about nothing at all. Mark likes it all, he likes everything. He likes Donghyuck.

Mark really, _really_ likes Donghyuck.

But Donghyuck doesn’t seem so sure about liking Mark, or even wanting to keep kissing him for the sake of having a good time.

They’re almost reaching the bus stop when Donghyuck suddenly stops walking. Mark halts and turns around.

Donghyuck has both arms stretched back as if his hands had just been scratching at the back of his head. He says, “I-I forgot I had to check out a book. You should go first. I’ll head back.”

He doesn’t want to take the shuttle with Mark. It’s so obvious. Even Mark, notorious for missing social cues, can tell that Donghyuck doesn’t want to be near him. Well, if the break-up hadn’t already ripped Mark’s heart out of his chest _this_ would definitely be the spear going right through it.

“You don’t want me to go with you?” Mark asks because he’s stupid, and he knows nothing about self-love.

“There’s no need,” Donghyuck is already taking steps back. He hasn’t even finished talking yet and he’s already stepping back. “We’ll talk later, okay?”

The way that Donghyuck walks, increases the distance between them rings an alarm in Mark’s head. _He’s getting away_ , it screeches, loud and desperate. _Don’t let him get away._

Mark moves before he even knows, striding towards Donghyuck, making it impossible for him to escape. His hands reach Donghyuck first, holding his face, thumbs brushing over his cheekbones -- _God_ , his cheekbones --, eyes flickering all over Donghyuck’s features, committing it all to memory. Donghyuck’s hand circles around Mark’s wrists, but he’s not trying to break free. It’s like he’s anchoring himself; like he’s afraid he’ll drown. Mark steps closer, and their noses touch. It’s cold, the tip of Donghyuck’s nose, and it makes Mark want to kiss it warm. So he does. He kisses Donghyuck’s cheekbones, and when his eyes close, Mark kisses Donghyuck’s eyelids too. Then, he kisses the corner of Donghyuck’s mouth.

Donghyuck’s lips fall open and Mark kisses him. He kisses Donghyuck as if it’s both the first and the last time. His hand slides further, tangles into Donghyuck’s hair, angles his head, kisses him deeper, better. This is the kiss Mark doesn’t want him to forget. When Donghyuck thinks about kissing Mark, this is the one that will pop into his head. Mark wants his lips to tingle as if they’ve just parted. He wants Donghyucks legs to shake as if Mark’s hands were just holding him close, he wants Donghyuck’s heart to beat the same way it’s beating right now.

Their mouths part with a smack, and there’s saliva pooling on the corners of Mark’s mouth. He licks at it and presses his lips to Donghyuck’s one last time.

“For the road,” Mark whispers and slowly pulls away.

He doesn’t give himself enough time to look at Donghyuck. He thinks it would be a bad idea, to see the effect the kiss had on him. It would either make Mark want to beg him to stay or something just as ridiculous. So Mark spins on his heels, thrusts both hands into his pockets, and walks to the bus stop.

His heart threatens to jump out with how ferociously it’s beating. Mark takes a deep breath and exhales. Blinks his eyes back into focus. It’s just his luck that the shuttle comes the moment he arrives a the bus stop. He hops on, and through the glass panels on the doors, he can see that Donghyuck is still standing precisely where Mark left him.

Their last kiss tasted like coffee, gum, and heartbreak.


	3. Chapter 3

“Stop whining.”

Mark whines again and rolls in bed. He pulls on the cord of his earbuds and mic set, prevents it from getting stuck underneath his body.

“Seriously.”

“But I feel uncomfortable,” Mark complains.

He can hear Jaemin sigh over the phone. “I know, but you can’t just lie in bed all day.”

“I haven’t been here all day, I went to class and came back.”

“What else have you done today?”

He’s had tea and a sandwich. Napped. Had a brief, very impersonal chat with Renjun.

“Stuff,” Mark responds gruffly.

Jaemin snorts.

Mark can tell that Jaemin is worried about him. This is their fourth call in six days. Usually, they don’t have time for more than two. But Jaemin said that Mark stopped texting and that he was sure Mark was letting thoughts consume him, so he had to call.

He wasn’t letting his thoughts consume him, he was just… Mark didn’t feel like doing much. It’s odd, especially to him, who’s always proactive and worrying about classes and assignments. Mark’s supposed to read a whole chapter for his class tomorrow, but he can’t bring himself to start.

When he tells Jaemin about it, his best friend sighs.

“You’re mourning,” Jaemin says. “You went through a break-up so you’re sad. It’s totally natural, but you can’t let it take over.”

Ah. Yes. Donghyuck. It’s been a little over a week since their last encounter. Donghyuck didn’t show up to the library on Tuesday, and he also hasn’t come to their apartment. Renjun keeps tiptoeing around Mark, making sure there are no mentions of Donghyuck in their conversations. He must know about the whole thing, and obviously, Renjun is being faithful to his friend, taking a step back on the budding friendship he had with Mark. It’s okay. Renjun was Donghyuck’s friend first, Mark gets it.

It’s been hard, not thinking about Donghyuck. Mark got used to waking up to his texts, of getting random shots of stray dogs and interesting things Donghyuck came across. He got used to Donghyuck’s arm around his neck, he got used to Donghyuck’s colorful hair and bright smile. And now Mark feels like crap because he misses it all.

“I can’t help it, Nana,” Mark says, rubbing his eyes. “I can’t stop thinking about him.”

Jaemin hesitates. “Marky, are you sure he doesn’t want to be with you?”

_I don't really know where we stand and I have a feeling you don’t either._

Whenever Mark closes his eyes, he can see Donghyuck’s face as he said those words, almost as if it’s etched behind his lids. Impossible to forget.

“Yes,” Mark says. “He was pretty clear.”

“Then there’s nothing you can do about it. Least of all lie around feeling sorry for yourself. Get your ass off this bed and do something!”

Mark whines, and Jaemin sighs.

His voice turns softer, gentler when he speaks, “Marky. Please don’t be like that.”

“I miss you, Nana,” Mark sighs.

“I miss you too.” Mark can tell that Jaemin is smiling. His voice always takes on this coquettish coloring whenever he smiles.

“Oh, so it’s not the cat who misses me?”

“Don’t be a dick,” Jaemin chuckles. “Ronnie misses you too.”

Mark hums, “You should come visit me.”

“Would that be okay?”

“You can crash in my room. I’ll talk to Renjun about it.”

Jeno sleeps over all the time and Renjun’s friends always come over as well. Mark doesn’t think Renjun will see Jaemin spending a couple days over as an issue.

“I’d have to bring Ronnie.” Ah, that’s another case then. Mark will plead in Ron Weasley’s favor anyway.

“I’ll talk to him.”

 

\--

 

It’s a good thing neither Mark nor Renjun are into plants. If they were, and their apartment was cramped with greenery Ron Weasley would find himself in a playground. Mark ended up forgetting how curious and investigative Jaemin’s cat is.

Ron Weasley pads over the counter, sniffing a bag of sugar that was carelessly left there (probably by Renjun or Jeno, Mark is meticulous when it comes to storing food). He jumps onto the stool, then moves to the ground, walking gracefully back to the living room where Jaemin, Renjun, and Jeno engage in conversation as if they’ve known each other their whole lives.

Mark crouches, offering his cupped hand for Ron Weasley to sniff. The cat does so but doesn’t show any more interest in him. Mark snorts. Not even cats want to hang out with him. If this were a stray he wouldn’t mind, but Mark has held Ron Weasley in his arms when this ingrateful feline was just the size of a fist; an orange, flimsy ball of fur.

“I thought you missed me,” Mark whispers, and Ron Weasley meows, nonchalant.

“Marky, stop picking on Ronnie,” Jaemin admonishes.

Mark goes back to where he was sitting previously, on the floor opposite to where the other three are on the couch. “I was just saying hi, but he ignored me. That’s a mean cat.”

Jaemin gasps at the same time that Ron Weasley finds a spot on Jeno’s lap. Jeno coos, and pets the cat. Mark squints at it.

“He’s not mean,” Jeno says, making kissy faces at Ron Weasley, who seems to be _purring_. “He’s a sweetheart, look at him.”

“Aren’t you allergic to cats?” Renjun asks, watching Jeno worriedly.

“Nah, that was when I was a child,” Jeno answers.

“I don’t think that’s how it works, dude,” Mark points out.

Jeno, clearly unbothered, drops a kiss on Ron’s head. It’s Jaemin who coos this time. Mark rolls his eyes.

He guesses he should be happy that they got along. Mark was worried that Renjun would have a problem with Jaemin staying over and that Ron Weasley would be an imposition, but Renjun was pretty chill about everything. In fact, he seems to really like Jaemin. They insist that Jaemin (and Mark, by association) come out with them to this bar tonight. It’s Saturday, and Mark has _just_ gotten back on track with school work. He was planning on staying in and catching up with assignments that piled up.

“But Mark, it’s Saturday!” Jaemin protests. He followed Mark into his room after Mark turned down the invitation. “I’m only going to be here until tomorrow evening.”

“I know Nana, but I really need to do this,” Mark winces apologetically, and Jaemin rolls his eyes. “Seriously, you know I had a hard time focusing on school stuff, I gotta catch up.”

“You’ve been catching up all week!”

“I’d still like to get ahead on--”

Jaemin points an accusing finger at Mark, “So you’re not actually _behind_! You just wanna… You’re overcompensating again, Mark!”

“I--”

Jaemin grabs both of Marks hands and brings it close to his own chest in an overdramatic move. “Look, I’m gonna be honest with you, I felt a vibe back there in the living room and I don’t want to miss out on anything.”

A… Vibe? What?

“What are you talking about?” Mark frowns. Jaemin tilts his head towards the door and gives Mark a very pointed look. “Renjun and Jeno? But what--” And then it dawns on him, and Mark’s mouth hangs ajar. Un-fucking-believable. “No, Nana! No!”

Mark’s high school life was rather chaste, but _Jaemin’s_... Oh, Jaemin made himself a true connoisseur of the art of love. Mark lost count of how many people he dated back there.

“Marky, please! It’s just one night!”

“They’re dating, Jaemin!” Mark whispers, shooting a troubled look at the door. “You’re _not_ gonna break up my roommate and his boyfriend!”

“I’m not planning on breaking them up!” Jaemin grits his teeth.

Mark gasps, yanking his hands from Jaemin’s hold and putting some distance between them. “You want _both_ of them?”

“Oh, stop looking so horrified,” Jaemin says. “It’s hardly the first time this happens, remember that Italian couple last summer?”

Yes, Mark remembers the Italian couple. By the end of the whole thing, the girl was actually thinking about dumping her boyfriend for Jaemin. Mark rubs both palms over his face.

“Can’t you keep it in your pants for a day and a half?” Mark asks.

Jaemin inspects his nails, “It’s not my fault they’re hot.”

“You don’t have to hook up with them!”

“But I do, Marky,” Jaemin’s shoulder sags, and heaves a melodramatic sigh. “I really do.”

 

That’s pretty much how Mark finds himself at yet another bar, loud music invading his thoughts and the stench of spilled beer all around him. Mark wanted to have stayed home with Ron Weasley, but Jaemin declared his attendance to be non-debatable.

He leans back on the bar counter, sips at his soda, eyes trained on the hand Jaemin oh-so-subtly places on Renjun’s neck. Renjun blushes, and on any other occasion Mark would write it off as a trick of the light, but he knows how enticing Jaemin can be. Jeno doesn’t look fazed -- if anything he looks enraptured.

Mark snorts. It’s probably witchcraft. Jaemin is a witch and uses the occult arts to bend people to his will. How is it possible that within four hours he’s managed to seduce both Mark’s roommate and his boyfriend?

Decided to enjoy his own company, Mark tries his best to ignore the way Jaemin leans into Jeno’s space to whisper in his ear. He’s actually at peace, the loud music having turned him a bit numb. Then a familiar figure enters his field of vision.

Donghyuck’s hair looks brighter like he’s dyed it recently. He’s wearing a long, clearly oversized plaid hoodie. There’s a silver earring in one ear, and the sharp edges of his face shimmer whenever light touches him. He makes Mark’s heart skip a beat.

Mark gulps the rest of his soda and places the bottle on the counter, unsure of what to do with his hands now that they’re free. He shoves them in his pockets and sniffs, forcing himself not to look like an even bigger loser than he already is. They haven’t talked in several days. Mark sent him a text once, three days after their ‘break-up’, and didn’t get a response. It was a simple text, asking how Donghyuck was doing, if his day had been nice. At this point, Mark doubts that Donghyuck even remembers him.

Averting his eyes, Mark takes a deep breath. There’s no need for stress, he knew their paths would cross eventually. This is Renjun’s hang out, of course Donghyuck would make an appearance. If anything, Mark is the intruder.

Without giving it a second thought, Mark dares a peek at Donghyuck. Of course -- _Of course_ Donghyuck would be looking at him. It’s just Mark’s luck.

He lifts a hand in greeting, and Donghyuck looks away, quickly saying something to Renjun before walking _in Mark’s direction_.

Mark straightens, feeling mild panic lodge itself in his chest.

“Hey,” Donghyuck says. He looks apprehensive, but _so snuggly_ in that hoodie. Mark wants to touch him, run both hands over his arms and bring him closer. Fuck.

“Hi,” Mark croaks. He clears his throat and scratches the back of his head. “Nice to see you.”

“And you,” Donghyuck responds. There’s a brief moment in which they just look at each other, Donghyuck’s teeth scraping on his lower lip, and Mark feeling his heart ready to jump out of his mouth. “So,” Donghyuck turns around, pointing to where Renjun, Jeno, and Jaemin are now standing closer than before. “That’s Jaemin.”

“That’s my Nana,” Mark says, and offers him a tight smile.

“I received a frantic text from Injunnie earlier. I think he likes your friend.”

Mark snorts, “I’m not even surprised.”

“I thought it was only Injunnie, but by the looks of it Jeno is in it too,” Donghyuck turns around and blatantly stares at the trio. Mark studies his side view, memorizes every single line of his face.

“Yeah,” Mark says absent-mindedly.

Donghyuck faces him again, eyes fluttering over Mark’s. “How have you been? I’m sorry I couldn’t be there on Tuesday, I had some stuff to do.”

Mark nods, knowing very well it can be just an excuse. It’s alright, though. “No worries. I wasn’t there for long.”

Something akin to surprise flashes in Donghyuck’s face, and his eyebrows arch. “You stayed? At the library, I mean, did you… Were you--”

“I waited,” Mark says, holding his gaze. “I wasn’t sure if you’d show up or not, so I waited. When it was time for the shuttle I took off.”

For a split moment, Mark thinks Donghyuck looks sad. Regretful. Mark wonders if what shines in his eyes is anguish, heartbreak. It makes him want to reach out, run his index finger over the slope of Donghyuck’s nose, brush his hair away from his forehead, place a kiss right there. Mark itches to touch, to feel Donghyuck closer.

It’s crazy. Before, the urge wasn’t this strong. Perhaps because Donghyuck was never too far for it to start prickling.

“I’m sorry,” Donghyuck says after a while.

Mark shakes his head; he doesn’t want Donghyuck to feel bad about anything else. Without giving it much thought, he sweeps a thumb over Donghyuck’s neck, remaning fingers curling around it. “Don’t worry about it, Hyuckie.”

Donghyuck’s breath hitches. It’s like Mark’s touch ignites something, and Donghyuck has to take a step back.

“I’m gonna--” he trails off, eyes lost between Mark’s face and their surroundings. “My friend is waiting for me so I gotta--” Donghyuck thrusts a thumb in no particular direction, doesn’t even wait for Mark’s response before spinning and nearly power walking away from him.

Mark watches him until he disappears behind some people. He doesn’t see Donghyuck again the rest of the night.

 

\--

 

Jaemin is wearing a purple, silk robe.

Underneath the robe, he's wearing plaid pajama pants and a white shirt, so Mark is puzzled by its real need. Aesthetics, perhaps. Mark didn’t even know Jaemin owned a silk robe. Maybe it’s not his. He came out of Renjun’s room, maybe that’s Renjun’s robe. Judging how he came alone, Renjun and Jeno are probably still asleep.

“Morning, Marky,” Jaemin greets as he parades into the kitchen, leaning onto the counter. Ron Weasley meows after him, tail held high.

“Morning,” Mark mumbles, clutching his still hot mug. “Did you sleep in Renjun's room?”

Shooting Mark with an indignant stare, Jaemin places a hand on his chest. “I am not a harlot, Mark Lee.” Mark snorts, and Jaemin sighs, moving to the mug Mark, thinking of being a good friend, set aside for him. “I slept in the couch. Forgot my phone in there last night, so I went back for it. I was right about them, though.”

Mark takes a sip from his tea, “I would ask. Except I don’t wanna know.”

Jaemin giggles, and moves to Mark’s side, wrapping an arm around his waist and leaning his head on Mark’s shoulder. “Donghyuck is pretty cute.”

Mark coughs, nearly choking on tea. “Um. Yeah.”

“He ditched us pretty fast, though. Do you think he was avoiding you?”

Absolutely. Donghyuck fled the minute Mark touched him, like Mark’s fingers set him ablaze. It took a tad longer for Mark to fall asleep, thoughts flooding his mind. The truth is that those few minutes in his company worked to soothe Mark’s nerves, and he basked in the feeling for as long as he could.

“Yeah, probably.”

“Why didn’t you go after him?”

Mark sighs. The idea didn’t even cross his mind. “If he wanted to be near me he would have stayed. I’m not going to force myself on him.”

“That’s noble of you,” Jaemin says.

“It’s basic human decency, actually. Someone tells you they don’t want you, you just leave them alone, right?” Mark lets out a humorless chuckle. Thinking about Donghyuck not wanting him hurts his damned heart. “Besides, I think I was the one who made him run like that.”

Jaemin lifts his head, frowns at Mark in question. “What do you mean?”

Mark scratches his eyebrow. “I touched him.”

“You touched him?”

“Yeah.”

“Where?”

“His shoulder? Neck?” Mark places the mug on the counter. “I didn’t think about it, didn’t consider. It just happened, but now I think it was a mistake. It made him uncomfortable.”

Humming, Jaemin plays with the tea bag in his mug. “Have you thought about telling him that you like him?”

The question bothers him. Mark swallows around the nod in his throat, and pulls away from Jaemin, standing in front of him in lieu of his side.

He’s not even going to deny it. Mark likes Donghyuck, he’s had enough time to come to terms with it. If the way he felt the night Donghyuck broke them up wasn’t enough indication, the following days would have made it pretty clear.

“I can’t do that, Nana.”

“Why not?”

“That would only put pressure on him. If he reacted like that to me touching him…” Mark lets himself trail off, shaking his head. He lowers his eyes. “I don’t think he wants anything to do with me.”

“I’m not sure about that,” Jaemin says, looking pensive.

Mark looks up at him, “Why do you say that?”

Jaemin folds his arms, taps his chin. “Last night, after we got back, Renjun spent some time texting Donghyuck. Jeno asked him what was taking him so long and he said Donghyuck was freaking out. He said ‘Donghyuck is freaking out about Mark again’.”

Mark frowns, bracing himself on the counter. “Freaking out about me? Why?”

Jaemin shrugs, “Dunno. Maybe he… Has feelings for you but doesn’t want to. Maybe he likes you and thinks you don’t like him, I’ve got no idea.”

“Why would he think I don’t like him? I’ve made it pretty clear.”

At that, Jaemin winces. “Have you, Marky? We both know you’re not the most affectionate person.”

Mark takes offense, mostly because it’s Jaemin saying it. “I give you plenty of affection!”

“Yeah, but it was a long haul, wasn’t it?” Jaemin retorts. He drinks the last of his tea and puts the empty mug in the sink. Mark eyes it suspiciously, making a mental note not to let Jaemin get away with not washing it. “My point is, Donghyuck probably wouldn’t be able to tell you like him. Because you don’t really let that sort of thing show.”

Well, he’s right. When it comes to his mostly non-existent matters of the heart, Mark is a closed book.

He’s not sure that rule applies to Donghyuck, though. Mark liked touching him, he noticed it made Donghyuck’s body relax. Like he felt safe. Mark _really_ liked kissing Donghyuck, and if kissing is not a show of affection, Mark doesn’t know what is.

“So you’re saying I should tell him?” Mark says, eyes attentive on Jaemin.

“Maybe,” Jaemin says. “If you want to be with him. Is that something you want?”

“Gee, is that something I want? I don’t know, Nana, what do you think?” Mark gives him a very pointed look, and Jaemin bursts out laughing. Mark doesn’t see what’s so funny. “Why are you laughing?”

“It’s funny how you think you’re so easy to read! Marky, you’re talking as if the whole world knows you like this guy.” Jaemin gets into Mark’s space, squeezes both of his arms. “You can’t expect people to read your mind. That’s not a thing we can do, we’re physically unable to do so. _I_ know you like Donghyuck, but I’m your _best friend_. I have mastered Mark-talk and I am now an expert on reading your mood.”

Mark snorts, “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, there was a ceremony,” Jaemin rolls his eyes. “Look. Donghyuck’s probably had boyfriends. He knows what to expect from someone who’s into him. You probably didn’t deliver, so he cut things off.”

Deliver? Mark didn’t deliver?

He looks at Jaemin, knowing that his eyes are probably big as saucers. “But I kissed him. I told him I wanted him.”

“Out of your own volition?” Jaemin inquires. “Did you say something along the lines of ‘Donghyuck, I am so into you, I want you so bad, please touch my mouth with yours’?”

“A-actually he asked me, I--” Mark stammers.

“So he doesn’t know,” Jaemin concludes, casually patting Mark’s shoulder. “Whatever you said meant jackshit.”

Great, then. Awesome. It’s just Mark’s luck, honestly. How is he even supposed to do this? None of his actions count? He _danced_ with this guy, for crying out loud. Mark doesn’t dance but did it for Donghyuck. He did lots of things for Donghyuck, like making out in his bed. Donghyuck touched Mark’s _butt_ and it doesn’t mean anything?

“How am I gonna…” Mark lets his shoulders sag. “How do I make him realize, Nana?”

“You tell him, Mark. That’s usually how we do it, we communicate.”

“But I told you! That’s probably going to put pressure on him, I don’t want him to feel cornered.”

Jaemin narrows his eyes, watching Mark as if he’s particularly interesting. “Wow, you’re sensible, but still quite stupid. It’s a paradox, actually.”

“Nana!”

“Mark, you don’t have to ask anything from him. If you end up telling him how you feel, you’re gonna do it for _you_. It’s going to be a great exercise. Have you ever confessed to anyone before?”

Mark blinks, shakes his head. “Not really, no. I don’t even know how to do it.”

“Awesome! Maybe it’s time to figure it out.” Jaemin’s fingers sneak around Mark’s. “At the end of the day, it’s your decision. You should know what’s best for you.”

Ron Weasley meows, perched on the counter, and Jaemin coos at him, mumbling about the cutest little wizard Hogwarts has ever seen, then walks off to feed him. Mark looks after him, thinking about his words, but mostly noting that Jaemin didn’t wash his mug.

 

\--

 

As he waits for Yerim to come back with their coffee (they’ve been grabbing drinks in between classes this week and it’s her turn to buy), Mark checks his phone. No new messages.

He sent a total of four texts today. One to Jaemin, and the other three to Donghyuck.

Mark’s had some time to consider Jaemin’s suggestion of talking to Donghyuck and concluded that it’s worthwhile. He worried whether confessing would burden Donghyuck, but Mark can make it really clear he’s not trying to get anything from Donghyuck. As Jaemin said, Mark owes it to himself.

If only Donghyuck would reply to his texts.

“What’s wrong?” Yerim asks, placing Mark’s milk tea on the table before sitting down. “You look grim.”

“A friend of mine is not answering my texts,” Mark sighs, and sips at his drink, immediately hissing. It’s _hot_.

“Did you have a fight?”

Mark shakes his head. “Not really.”

“Then why do you think he’s not replying to you?” Yerim frowns.

Glancing at her, Mark ponders. Deep down there’s still the thought that the date Mark and Yerim went on had something to do with Donghyuck breaking-up their _thing_. That’s when it started getting weird, and even though there was never a romantic intention, Mark still feels like it might have been a mistake. He doesn’t regret befriending Yerim, she’s really great. They’ve been chatting and spending more time together. After some consideration, Mark decides that she’s not into him. Well, she’s still shy, and whenever they accidentally touch Yerim jumps several meters away. Mark doesn’t think he’s causing those reactions, though. That’s how she seems to be.

Yet, he’s still wary.

More than that, he’s still curious. Mark’s reached a conclusion, but what if he’s wrong? What if Donghyuck was right and Yerim _is_ trying to romance him?

Clearing his throat, Mark meets her eyes, “Yerim, can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, sure!” Yerim chirps.

“That first time we went out, you know... When you said you wanted to repay my kindness or something?”

“What about it?”

Mark swallows, tracing meaningless patterns on his cup. “Was it. Was it a date?”

Yerim blinks at him. Her whole face turns pink. “Um. N-no.”

Mark squints. “You don’t sound so sure.”

Yerim lets out a nervous chuckle, “It wasn’t trying to date you, I promise.” She still looks shy, but her words sound sincere. “It’s true I’ve had like… A friend-crush on you since we met.”

A friend-crush. Mark’s heard of that before. Huh.

“You’re smart and so committed to your future. I admire that about you, so I wanted us to be friends.” Yerim says. “I mean, you’re cute. I wouldn’t mind us dating if you want me to be honest, but that wasn’t my intention.”

Mark squints at her, evaluating her words. Yerim seems to sense his suspicion.

“For real,” she assures him. “I’m awkward when I have crushes on people, I can see why you’d think I liked you. But I promise it wasn’t a romantic crush.”

There’s no reason for Mark to doubt her. He’s always known her to be timid, and during their “friend date” Yerim never tried to cross the line to romance.

“I’m not interested in dating you,” Mark tells her just to be clear.

Yerim snorts, sips at her drink. “Gee. Way to mess with my self-esteem.”

Mark widens his eyes and mildly panics. “Shit, I’m sorry! Didn’t mean to be rude!”

Yerim laughs and shakes her head. “That’s fine, Mark. I still think we could be good friends.”

So he smiles at her. “I think we can be good friends, too.”

Yerim smiles back.

 

\--

 

Today is movie day, which is super uncommon for Mark. He’s not used to giving himself free time (or time for anything other than studying and stressing over assignments whatsoever). He flops on the couch and picks a movie from an endless list. It’s a science fiction title featuring an A.I. that’s being tested by this lanky guy who wouldn’t be able to defend himself in a robot uprising. The movie is interesting enough, and Mark only pauses once to brew some tea. Coincidentally, that’s when Renjun and Jeno make their way into the apartment.

“The guy is a douche, I don’t know what he’s doing,” Renjun is saying. “Remember when Jisung thought it was a good idea to rush for that frat? This guy was one of the pledge masters. He’s an ass. I’m glad Jisung came to his senses before it was too late.”

They’re both carrying grocery bags, and none seems to have noticed Mark in the kitchen yet. It’s understandable, considering the lights are off.

“Maybe you can talk some sense into him?” Jeno says, placing some of the bags on the counter.

Renjun snorts, “As if. Hyuckie does whatever he wants.”

“Yeah, but if this g-JESUS FUCK!”

Mark's eyes widen the moment Jeno spots him, not daring to move. It wasn’t his intention but he feels like he was creeping on them.

“Mark?” Renjun’s eyes narrow, and he flips the switch on the lights. “What are you doing in the dark?”

“Um,” Mark watches Jeno pant, a hand on his chest, and feels bad. “Making tea.”

“You almost killed me,” Jeno says.

“Sorry.”

Renjun clears his throat and puts his own bag next to Jeno’s on the counter. “We’re cooking, if you wanna stay.”

He was planning on ordering in, but if there’s enough for everyone Mark would much rather eat whatever they’re cooking than spending money.

“Thanks,” he says.

The subject was dropped the moment they saw Mark, and it’s none of his business, but Mark is curious. They were definitely talking about Donghyuck, and some other guy who is an apparent douche is involved. He wants to ask but doesn’t really know how.

“So,” Mark starts, unsure. “How is Donghyuck doing? Have you seen him?”

Renjun and Jeno share a look, and Mark feels his cheeks tingle. That was so obvious. _Of course_ they’ll notice he overheard their conversation. Now Mark is snooping. Damn.

“He’s been busy,” it’s Jeno who says.

“Oh yeah?” Mark blinks at them. “He hasn’t been replying to my texts so I wondered.”

There’s silence for a second, and Renjun sighs. He looks as if he’s a heartbeat away from spilling everything.

“Have you tried hunting him down?” Renjun gives Mark a pointed look, and there’s a fiery glint in his eyes.

“What do you mean?” Mark frowns.

“You said he’s not replying to your texts. Just go after him in person,” Renjun talks as if there’s urgency, eyebrows arched in expectation. “He won’t be able to avoid you.”

“But where should I go? His dorm?”

Renjun shakes his head, “No, just go to Song Hall. On Fridays, he’s there until six, maybe more if there’s an assignment.”

Mark checks the time. It’s 4:15 pm.

“His last class happens in the north wing, room 330,” Jeno offers. “It wraps up at six as Injun said.”

“If you leave now you can make it in time,” Renjun says. He’s almost bouncing on his feet.

“You want me to go now?” Mark asks. “I thought we were having dinner.”

“ _We’re_ having dinner,” Renjun points at himself and Jeno. Then, he points at Mark. “ _You_ are going after Donghyuck because this has gone too far already.”

Mark has a feeling he knows what Renjun is talking about. It would still do Mark some good to hear him say it, but again, he shouldn’t be discussing this sort of thing with Renjun. So Mark just nods and turns off the boiler.

“Okay,” he says. “North wing, room 330.”

“330,” Jeno repeats and smiles at him. “Text us when you get there.”

Mark darts into his room in search for a pair of shoes. He pulls the first one he sees on, quickly tying the shoelaces. Stopping in front of his tiny mirror, Mark pats down his hair.

When he comes out, Renjun hands him his phone. “Don’t let him run away. Grab him by the arm if necessary.”

“Just don’t hurt him,” Jeno adds.

It’s like they’re sending Mark off on a mission. An important one. He nods at them, pockets his phone, and leaves.

 

Mark’s never been to Song Hall before. While the concrete grey walls at Park Hall give an insipid vibe, Song Hall is rather cheerful. For a second, Mark feels like he’s in a museum.

Huge paintings and posters advertising showcases and other events lay on the pristine white walls. The glossy flooring and yellow lights make it feel like this is some sort of fancy place. Even the students scampering around seem wealthier. Mark looks down at his clothes, the oldest pair of sweatpants he owns and a black hoodie, and is automatically ashamed.

Well, he’s not here to partake in whatever lavish activities Song Hall students promote. Mark is here to find Donghyuck, so he follows all the conveniently placed signs (seriously the organization in the building is out of this world) and proceeds to the north wing.

It’s 5:48 PM when Mark finds room 330. There are not many people out, although some students exit the lecture hall before 6 PM. Each time the door opens, Mark’s heart threatens to jump out of his chest. He wills himself to chill and sends Renjun a text reporting his arrival. Then, Mark finds a corner and settles down to wait for Donghyuck.

Precisely at 6 the students start leaving the room. Donghyuck spots Mark the minute he walks out.

He halts, mouth hanging open, eyes bulging and eyebrows arching. Mark waves, because he doesn’t know what else to do and someone needs to make the first move. It should be him; he’s the one who came over.

Donghyuck is wearing one of those long sweaters that swallow his whole frame, some books in his arms and surprise in his face. The sight of him makes Mark’s heart skip a beat. His hair is different. It’s light brown now, longer.

Donghyuck comes closer, a little bit hesitant, both arms wrapped around those books so tightly. It’s weird that he’s carrying books around, Donghyuck usually has a backpack with him. Then again, it’s been days since they’ve last seen each other, and even more since the last time they hung out after class. Maybe Donghyuck’s habits changed. Like his hair.

“Hey,” Mark says, wiping his sweaty palms on the sides of his sweatpants. “Your hair is different.”

Donghyuck smiles, averts his eyes. “Yes. Hi. What are you doing here?”

It’s not accusatory or reprimanding. Donghyuck sounds like he’s genuinely curious, like the thought of Mark coming all the way to Song Hall never crossed his mind.

“I--” well, Mark knows what he’s doing here, but how is he supposed to tell Donghyuck that? It’s not like he’s chased after people before. “I tried texting you. You… You didn’t reply.”

The tip of Donghyuck’s nose is the softest, loveliest shade of pink. He says, “I’m sorry, I was, uh… There was a lot going on.”

Mark nods, captivated. Donghyuck is mesmerizing like that. “That’s okay. It’s okay, I was just concerned.”

“I’m sorry,” Donghyuck repeats, sounding apologetic.

For a couple seconds, neither of them says anything. They just stand there facing each other. Mark takes advantage of the moment to drink Donghyuck in, the subtle changes; the color and length of his hair, the muted, almost sad look in his eyes. It’s almost like… Like he’s fading away. It’s distressing. Since the first moment he laid eyes on Donghyuck, Mark hasn’t been able to think about him as anything other than bright and vivid.

 _I miss you,_ Mark wants to say. _I’ve missed you so much. I think we made a mistake thinking this would be better off as a casual thing._

“Are you okay?” He asks instead, taking a step closer.

Donghyuck sighs, “Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He doesn’t sound so sure. Mark lifts a hand, wanting to touch, but completely unsure if it would be okay. Donghyuck’s whole stance screams closed off; hunched shoulders and those books clearly acting as a shield. He seems tired. Exhausted, really.

“Um.” Mark is at loss. He messes up his hair, rubs a palm down his face, tries to sort out his thoughts. “Do you want to--”

Donghyuck cuts in, rapidly saying, “Remember that fellowship?”

Mark blinks at him. “The one you applied for?”

Donghyuck nods, “Bright Minds, yes. Exactly. So, the results came in last week. I got it.”

“For real? Damn, Hyuckie, congratulations!” Mark exclaims, and Donghyuck smiles. But even that smile, when they’re talking about something that should make him happy, is bland.

“Thank you. They gave me a merit fellowship,” Donghyuck says. “It wasn’t what I was looking for. I wanted the spot open here, but they said I’d do much better in Kyoto.”

Mark nods enthusiastically. This is great news, really. He knew Donghyuck would land that fellowship the moment he got word of it. But then, he replays Donghyuck’s words in his head because Mark is almost sure he’s missing something. Donghyuck landed the fellowship but didn’t get the spot he was hoping for. They think he’ll do better in Kyoto.

Kyoto.

Mark frowns. “Kyoto as in… As in the Japanese city? In… Japan?”

Donghyuck takes in a breath, lips tightly closed. “Yes. In Japan.”

Japan.

“So. Um. You’re-- You got the fellowship. You got it, the fellowship is yours.”

“The fellowship is mine.”

“Except that it’s not here. It’s in Kyoto. In Japan.”

Donghyuck sighs, and _looks_ at Mark. “I’m leaving in two weeks.”

So Donghyuck is going away. To fucking Japan. Kyoto, to be precise, because he’s brilliant and people decided to give him a whole experience abroad instead of letting him explore his geniality right here where Mark is.

Mark takes a deep breath, feeling like he’s being flooded by an ocean of emotions. He’s happy for Donghyuck, he’s worried because Donghyuck doesn’t look so happy and that’s odd since Donghyuck is _always happy_. Mark is afraid that Donghyuck will fly to Japan and they’ll never see each other again. He can’t even imagine-- Mark can’t even imagine not ever seeing Donghyuck again. The thought makes him sick, and he knows he’s letting it show because Donghyuck comes closer, rests a hand on Mark’s shoulder.

“Mark--”

“How long?” It doesn’t matter. Whatever he was going to say doesn’t matter.

Donghyuck falters, and the hand on Mark’s shoulder drops. “Three months.”

Three months. It could be worse. It could be a one-way ticket. Still, Mark feels caged. He threads both hands into his hair, drags just a little bit in a pathetic attempt at pulling himself together. What sucks about this whole thing is that Donghyuck cut him off and was probably intending to board a plane to Japan without ever contacting Mark. Without even telling him he’d be moving away. No, wait. It sucks a lot more that this is happening right now. Right at this moment in Mark’s life when he finally knows how it feels to look at someone and ache like they hold your damn heart in their bare hands.

He’s in love with Donghyuck. Of course he is. How could he not have fallen for Donghyuck, he’s perfect. There’s not a single hair lock in his head that’s anything less than perfect. And Mark fell for him. Now he’s moving to Japan. He’s spending three months away and he never even thought about contacting Mark about it. So it’s either that Donghyuck doesn’t give a single fuck about Mark, or he doesn’t give a single fuck about Mark. There’s only one option, really.

“And you leave in two weeks?” It’s getting hard for Mark to mask his affliction, the sheer desperation in his voice as he speaks.

Something has shifted in Donghyuck’s demeanor as well. He looked mellow before, but now there’s disquiet all over his face. He says, “Yes, two weeks.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mark inquires, trying to hold Donghyuck’s gaze, but Donghyuck lowers his eyes, gasps for air. “I was trying to talk to you, I texted you, I--”

“I’m sorry,” is all that Donghyuck can say.

“You said you learned about it last week. Why didn’t you tell me then?”

“Because…”

“Hyuckie,” It annoys him that Donghyuck can’t meet his eyes, so Mark touches his face, lifts his head. “Why didn’t you reply to my texts?”

“Because,” Donghyuck repeats, and wiggles free from Mark’s hold, putting some distance between them. He looks uncomfortable. Somehow, that hurts more than a punch to his face would. “I had a lot to deal with. It slipped my mind. I’m sorry.”

It’s the fakest thing he’s ever heard come out of Donghyuck’s mouth.

“No, you’re not,” he says. “You were done with me so you cut me off.”

Donghyuck frowns, shakes his head. “No, Mark--”

Mark doesn’t get the rest of his sentence. He looks around feeling lost for a second. This is Song Hall, and there’s probably a bus stop somewhere outside. He takes a few steps back, eyes still trained on Donghyuck. “I shouldn’t have come here,” Mark says.

Donghyuck is still shaking his head, wide eyes filled with fear and something else that Mark can’t pinpoint. It could be regret, but he’s not going to stick around to find out.

“Mark, that’s not it,” Donghyuck says, taking a few steps forward as Mark retreats.

“It’s okay, Hyuckie, I get it. Don’t worry.” And he really does. He gets that Donghyuck didn’t have the heart to tell Mark he didn’t want to keep their friendship. It hurts like a bitch, but he gets it. “I’m happy that you got the fellowship. Hope you have a good time in Japan.”

“Wait a minute, Mark--”

Mark turns around and goes back down the same path he took to find room 330. Donghyuck calls his name one last time, but Mark doesn’t stop.

 

The second Mark walks in, Renjun is crowding him.

“Finally! How was it?” There’s anticipation in Renjun’s eyes when he grabs Mark by the arms, manhandling him further into their apartment. Jeno is sitting on the couch, but looking just as expectant.

Mark pushes Renjun’s hands off him, ignoring the puzzled look his roommate sends his way. “Did you know?” Mark asks. Renjun just stares at him. “Did you know about-- about Japan?”

Renjun blinks, sighs, scratches his own arm in an awkward manner. Then, he flops down on the couch next to Jeno. Renjun never says anything, but his silence is telling.

“Why didn’t you say anything, Renjun?” Mark asks. It comes out almost like a plea, and he doesn’t feel a speck of shame.

“It wasn’t my thing to tell,” Renjun’s voice is controlled and he doesn’t meet Mark’s eyes. “I asked Hyuckie when he was planning on talking to you about it, but he just said he’d do it.”

Mark curses under his breath, looks away. Mark can’t remember the last time he was this affected by a piece of news. It’s not even Donghyuck’s trip to Japan; more the fact that Mark had been trying to get in touch with him for days and he never surfaced.

“Injunnie thought about telling you, Mark,” Jeno offers, but at this point, it all sounds like a big load of crap.

“I was ordered to ‘keep my big mouth shut’,” Renjun continues. “I’m sorry. The only reason why I didn’t say anything is that you’re so… Restrained. So level-headed, I never thought you’d be upset.”

Restrained. Level headed. Usually, Mark would take those as compliments, but right now he’s recalling some words Jaemin told him during his weekend over. _It’s funny how you think you’re so easy to read. You’re talking as if the whole world knows you like this guy. You can’t expect people to read your mind._ What he gets from Renjun’s explanation is that Mark never acted like he’d mind if Donghyuck suddenly hopped on a plane and flew off into the sunset. Mark was never open about how he felt, not like Donghyuck at least. Maybe this is all his fault. Perhaps if he’d been a little more expressive.

Putting an end to that pointless conversation, Mark goes into his room and paces for what feels like ages until he’s too tired to stand and falls face-first onto the bed.

 

\--

 

“It’s not your fucking fault, Mark Lee, just shut it.”

Jaemin’s got Ron Weasley on his lap, petting its head like he’s Don Corleone or something. It would be intimidating if Jaemin weren’t wearing a shirt that says ‘Stop trying to make fetch happen, it’s not gonna happen’.

“I can’t believe Renjun said that,” Jaemin blanches, and pets his cat. “I could murder him. You want me to murder him?”

“You gonna ask me for friendship and then offer your ring finger for a kiss?”

Jaemin frowns, oblivious. “What?”

Mark snorts, shakes his head. “Nevermind. I don’t think he meant any harm. Besides, that’s what I think his words meant anyway.”

“Whatever, he upset you and I cannot forgive him,” Ron Weasley meows in annoyance, and jumps off Jaemin’s lap. “Can’t believe I let him--”

Mark yells, scared for his life. It works to shut Jaemin up. “TMI, Nana.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes. “So. Is it really over between you and Summer Boy Hyuckie?”

Unpleasantness settles deep into Mark’s stomach. He takes a deep breath, trying to ignore it. “Mm. He’ll be gone for three months. By the time he’s back things will have changed. He might even find a boyfriend in Japan, who knows.”

“You might find a boyfriend as well.”

“Doubt it,” Mark sniffs, looking down at the book on his lap. He was trying to finish some reading for class, but Jaemin called. Mark was feeling a bit restless anyway, so he picked it up instead of denying the call.

“I’m not gonna engage in this stupid altercation again,” Jaemin heaves a loud sigh and massages his temples. “If you want I can find you a date in two minutes.”

“Nah, I’m good. But thanks, though.”

“I’m still proud of you, Marky,” Jaemin says, looking suddenly fond. “You went there to tell him how you feel. Things didn’t go as planned, but you still made your move.”

That’s something Mark takes comfort in. He tried. He went after Donghyuck, showed interest, and expressed concern and unhappiness over Donghyuck’s disappearance from his life. He didn’t come home with a boyfriend, but at least Mark didn’t sit around waiting for things to magically solve themselves.

 

Yerim tries to comfort Mark by paying for his coffee three afternoons in a row. She also apologizes for somehow triggering Donghyuck’s insecurities, although Mark cuts her off. One evening Yerim convinces Mark to go meet some of her friends in a karaoke bar. He’d rather stay home studying or something just as lame, but Yerim makes puppy eyes and Mark just can’t resist those. So he goes out and he meets Joohyun and her boyfriend Johnny, Johnny’s friends Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Yuta. They’re all older than Mark and it’s a bit awkward, but they try to make him comfortable. Jaehyun insists on paying for Mark’s drinks only to pay for his soda upon being informed that Mark doesn’t drink. It’s a fun evening.

He hangs out with them again, a couple other times more, and it’s… Liberating in a way. Not meaning that Mark suddenly sees the light and decides to take on a reckless lifestyle. He could still go out occasionally, talk to people, laugh, share stories. Take his mind off things. It’s what young people do in college besides busting their asses studying, isn’t it? And Mark is young. There’s a ton he hasn’t experienced yet as a college student. Perhaps it’s time he hopped on the bandwagon.

 

\--

 

It’s Monday, and Mark can’t get out of bed. It’s 9:45 am, which means he missed his 8 am. An absolute first - Mark has never missed class before. Even in grade school, he’d try his best not to be absent, and when it wasn’t avoidable he’d hunt teachers down and beg them to assign him tasks for extra credit. Mark’s always been aware of his responsibilities and how important they were in personal, professional, and academic levels.

Now, as a twenty-year-old college student, Mark Lee is skipping class. He was out partying late and many mistakes were made. His first taste of an alcoholic beverage, for instance. A puff of a rolled cigarette that, he reckons, wasn’t completely legal. A make-out session with that one girl who kept ogling him the entire night. Mark has a crippling headache, and he regrets everything. The drink was bitter, the cigarette tasted like horseshit, and the girl… Well, the girl was pretty and her lips were kinda nice, but Mark wasn’t into it. They made out for a few minutes and he bolted.

The worst part about last night, though, was coming home to Renjun and Jeno cuddled up to each other on the couch, eyeing him with something akin to disapproval. He felt equal parts berated and upset. Mark’s never judged them for coming home wasted. Okay, maybe he has. The point is that Renjun and Jeno were living-breathing reminders that Donghyuck was a thing, and that he was also alive and breathing no matter how hard Mark tried to uproot Donghyuck from his thoughts. He ended up lying in bed and thinking about Donghyuck for two miserable hours. By the time he fell asleep the sun was almost up.

When he gathers up enough force of will to leave his bed, it’s already past ten. Renjun is dressed for class when Mark staggers into the kitchen.

“Morning,” says Renjun. Mark just nods in acknowledgment and moves to fetch the boiler from the cupboard. Before Mark reaches for it he spots the boiler on the counter, already filled. “I put it on for you. Didn’t know what time you’d wake up, maybe you’d be late for class, so. Thought it could be helpful.”

Mark squints at his roommate, unsure of how to react to such display of courtesy. All this time they’ve lived together Renjun hasn’t put the kettle on for Mark once.

“You missed your 8 am,” Renjun continues. It’s like he’s putting actual effort into this conversation, looking at Mark as if he’s searching for something. “Do you have another class soon?”

Mark shakes his head. “No. Only after lunch.” He looks at the kettle. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Renjun grabs his bag from the couch, gives Mark one last look. “You came home pretty late last night.”

“Yeah, so?” It comes out a bit aggressive, but Renjun doesn’t flinch. “You don’t see me questioning you whenever you get home late, I don’t get why you’re doing it to me now.”

“Not questioning,” Renjun is quick to explain. “It’s just… You don’t usually get home late reeking of alcohol and smoke, so I got a bit worried. That’s all.”

Frowning, Mark takes a step closer. Worried? Why would Renjun be worried? It’s not like Mark is dropping out and joining a motorcycle gang. Feeling suddenly tired, Mark says, “Look, Renjun, Donghyuck and I are not… Together… Or whatever the fuck we were, anymore, so you don’t have to talk to me or pretend we’re friends.”

During this entire weird-ass conversation, Renjun has remained calm and quiet. But then he changes. His whole face hardens and he looks pissed.

“What the fuck are you trying to say? Have we or have we not been living together for more than a year?” Mark opens his mouth to retort, but Renjun keeps talking, “Are you implying I actually give zero fucks about you, is that it? You trying to make me feel bad for looking out for your stupid ass?” Again, Mark opens his mouth, but Renjun cuts in. “No, shut the fuck up. I’m not playing around, dude, if I didn’t care I wouldn’t even have looked at you when you came in the way you did last night. Mark, that’s not something you do. It’s not you.”

A foreign wave of anger surges and Mark feels like his blood is boiling. “What do you know about who I am? How many times have we sat down and _talked_ , Renjun? What do you know about me?” Mark halts because he’s actually interested in hearing an answer if Renjun has one for him. His roommate, however, keeps quiet. “Don’t act like you know me.”

“I know that you’d rather spend your weekend studying or reading case files for fun than getting wasted.”

“I did _not_ get wasted last night.”

“You were drunk! You don’t drink, Mark!”

“I do, now.”

“See, that’s what I’m talking about!” Renjun’s face is red. He’s fuming. “You’re doing all this stuff that you’ve never done before and I’m worried that it’s for the wrong reasons!”

It’s like he throws a full bucket of cold water on Mark’s face.

“Don’t stand there and pretend you’re okay. I can see you’re not.” Little by little, the look on Renjun’s face softens, and he sighs, shaking his head. “I didn’t want to ask or try to talk to you because you’re not exactly out with the way you feel. It’s hard trying to figure out what’s going on inside your head, you know. I’m Hyuckie’s friend, but I’d like to think I’m also _your_ friend.”

Mark just watches him for a while, sees the way his face relaxes, and how he really looks and sounds honest. He doesn’t know what else to say, so Mark mumbles, “Thanks for the kettle,” and walks away, thinking that a shower will probably do him good.

“Mark,” Renjun calls. Mark stops, and turns around. “Hyuckie is leaving on Friday, so we’re having a little going away party for him this Wednesday.”

Friday. Two weeks went by so fast Mark didn’t even notice.

When he doesn’t respond, Renjun continues. “Hyuckie asked me to… See if you could come.”

Donghyuck asked Renjun to invite Mark? That’s odd. Mark says, “If he wanted me to go why didn’t he invite me himself?”

Renjun looks like he was expecting that question. He scratches his cheek and says, “I don’t know, you can ask him on Wednesday if you decide to come.”

Mark blinks at him. “What time?”

“7 pm.”

This Wednesday he was planning on seeing his professor during office hours at 7:45. “I can make it after 8.”

Renjun nods, looking pleased. “It’ll happen at Jisung’s house. I’ll text you the address.”

“Fine,” Mark says and locks himself in his room. He’s actually dying for some tea but doesn’t go outside until he listens to the sounds of the front door opening, and then closing.

 

\--

 

There’s the distinct scent of sweat clinging to Mark’s skin. His hair is disarray, there's dirt underneath his nails and even his clothes don't smell that great. A while ago he volunteered with the environmentalists for this gardening thing. It picked his interest because it involved harvesting from the University garden, and each volunteer would be able to take produce home. Mark was never into gardening or nature itself, but his Environmental Law professor mentioned the event and he just… Thought it could be something interesting to try.

It entails him walking around campus smelling like a whole day of work, but it's fine. His professor never says anything about either his stench or the bag of produce Mark brings into his office. They wrap up at four to eight. Mark doesn't think he'll be able to stop by his place for a quick shower before heading to Donghyuck's party.

Just thinking about it has his stomach twisting. Their last meeting left a sour aftertaste in Mark's mouth. Perhaps he shouldn't show up to the party smelling like a farm. Skipping on this thing means being on the receiving end of Renjun's wrath, though. That's not something Mark ever wants to deal with.

Somewhere amid his last lecture Mark gets a text from Jaehyun inviting him over to another karaoke night. He mentions ‘cigarettes’, and Mark doesn’t feel one bit allured. What Renjun said last Monday echoes in his mind, and Mark thinks his roommate might have been onto something. Mark ends up replying Jaehyun with a polite refusal.

He makes a quick trip to the bathroom before leaving Park Hall and splashes some water on his face, gets his hair wet and tries to battle the invisible force getting it messy. There’s barely any difference.

Jisung’s house is quite big. It’s crowded; people all around the front and-- are there people on the roof? Mark knew Donghyuck was popular, but wasn’t expecting _this_. Changing the tote bag containing his produce from one hand to the other, Mark takes a deep breath. The door is ajar, no one guarding it, so he just steps inside.

Mark looks around trying to find a familiar face, but finds absolutely no one. There’s people everywhere, dancing, drinking, coming back from the kitchen with sandwiches and big rolls of kimbap, but none of them is someone Mark actually knows. After standing in a corner for a few minutes alongside his bag of vegetables, Mark starts feeling a bit uncomfortable. So he pulls his phone from the pocket and texts Renjun.

 **Mark [8:37 PM]**  
I’m here.

It takes Renjun a couple minutes to get back to him.

 **Renjun (roommate) [8:39 PM]**  
where ?

 **Mark [8:39 PM]**  
Living room, next to the tv set.

 **Renjun (roommate) [8:39 PM]**  
ok be there in a min

When Renjun shows up he grabs hold of Mark’s arm and _drags_ him. No ‘hello’, no ‘sorry it took me so long to rescue you’. Renjun just pulls Mark, bringing him deep into Jisung’s house (Which is _big_ , it’s worth mentioning again. There are several rooms downstairs. Upstairs must be just as big). Most of the rooms have sliding doors, and they’re all closed. The one Renjun brings him into is also closed, but surprisingly he’s got a key.

“Um,” Mark mumbles, looking around for anyone who might be watching them. “Why are you bringing me into a locked room?”

“This is where we’re hanging,” Renjun says. “Dumb and Dumber invited a lot of people, we didn’t want that. Shut up and come inside.”

The room Renjun brings him inside is some sort of gym space? There are yoga mats rolled up to a corner and a couple dumbells. Sitting on a circle in the center are Donghyuck, Yukhei, and Jeno. They all have different reactions to Mark and Renjun’s entrance. Yukhei grins and waves with both limbs. Jeno has his eyes on Renjun. Donghyuck, on the other hand, gazes at Mark. He’s wearing a red headband, red overalls and a white jumper underneath. He looks the best Mark’s ever seen him. The problem is that he looks the best every single time Mark lays eyes on him. It’s horrible.

“Get up, they need privacy,” Renjun says simultaneously slapping Yukhei’s head and smiling at Jeno.

“But there’s a bunch of people outside,” Yukhei whines.

“Do I look like I care?” Renjun slaps him again, and Yukhei flinches. “Come on.”

They get up reluctantly, picking up a few bottles and a bag of chips. Jeno squeezes Mark’s shoulder when he walks past.

It’s just Mark and Donghyuck.

They look at each other, both clearly unsure about making the first move. Then, Donghyuck’s eyes fall on the tote bag hanging from one of Mark’s hands. It lingers there, curiosity evident on his face. Mark clears his throat.

“It’s produce,” he says, lifting the bag. “V-vegetables.”

Donghyuck looks up at him, blinks. He nods, scratching the side of his neck. Mark’s still not sure if it’s the right thing to do, but he sits down next to Donghyuck, the produce bag in between.

“Thanks for coming,” Donghyuck says. Hearing his voice has Mark’s stomach clenching.

“It’s your going-away party, isn’t it?” Mark smiles half-heartedly, a bit awkward, and downcasts his eyes to his fingers.

Silence permeates for a bit, and it’s not surprising, really. Mark was expecting it to be embarrassing, considering he pretty much stormed off the last time they talked. He’s not here to think about that. He’s here to give himself another chance at what he was supposed to have done that day.

“Mark,” Donghyuck says. His name coming out of Donghyuck’s mouth is enough to grab his full attention. “I’m sorry. I should have texted you back.”

“Why didn’t you?” Mark asks.

Donghyuck is not looking at Mark. He has his eyes fixed on a can of juice on the floor, observing it with rapt interest. “I was… It was stupid. I shouldn’t have acted like that. It was dumb.”

“What was dumb?” Donghyuck is not giving him any answers, and Mark’s skin is starting to get prickly with impatience.

“Me not replying to you.” Is all he gets.

Mark says, “Fine. But why didn’t you? Why did you stop replying?” Donghyuck just shakes his head. Mark clenches his jaw. “I knew you wanted to stop hooking up, but I thought we’d remain friends.”

Again, Donghyuck shakes his head. This time he lifts his head to meet Mark’s eyes. There’s that shadow again, a hint of sadness and heartbreak that tugs at Mark’s core, makes him want to shake Donghyuck by the shoulders and beg him to just _talk_.

It’s fine. Mark didn’t come here after a long day picking out vegetables, smelling of dirt and sweat to get anything from Donghyuck. He came here because he has his own piece to say. Thus he takes a deep breath, exhales, and holds Donghyuck’s gaze.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. I can see you’re uncomfortable, I just came because Renjun said you asked me to,” Mark says. Donghyuck looks like he wants to interject, but Mark doesn’t give him the opportunity. “I only have a few things to say, and then I’ll go. Will you listen to me?”

Donghyuck bites on his lip, and nods. He looks so uncertain it’s mindboggling. Mark is used to self-assured Donghyuck, the concept of him doubting his every single action just doesn’t make sense. But hey, everyone’s got their strengths and weaknesses. The fact that Mark doesn’t know which are Donghyuck’s weaknesses doesn’t mean he hasn’t got any.

After taking Donghyuck in for a few seconds more, Mark says, “I talked to Yerim. About the date.” Donghyuck visibly tenses, averts his eyes. “She said she had a ‘friend-crush’ on me and the date never meant to be a romantic one.”

Donghyuck keeps his eyes down. The only reaction he shows to Mark’s words is a curt nod.

Mark continues, “I told her I wasn’t interested in dating her.” That last bit prompts Donghyuck into looking up. There’s something looking like surprise shimmering in his eyes. Mark holds onto it. “There was absolutely no way I’d want to date her when you were right there.”

That tiny fleck of surprise in Donghyuck’s eyes blooms into bewilderment, and then, disbelief. His mouth is open as if there’s something he wants to say, but he keeps silent.

“You know I’m not exactly versed on hook-ups or anything that normal college students do,” Mark says. “Hell I’ve only had my first drink last week.”

Donghyuck frowns, “You drank?”

“Yeah,” Mark snorts. “It was stupid. Renjun already gave me a piece of his mind.”

“He never told me anything,” Donghyuck says.

“Finally learned to keep his mouth shut then.”

“How was it?”

“The drink?” Donghyuck nods. Mark sighs. “It sucked. It gets you buzzed and all so I see why y’all dig it, but it really isn’t for me.” Mark scratches his hair, feels it greasy and disgusting, pushes it to the back of his mind. “The point is that everything was a first.

“The thing with you was also a first.” Mark licks his lips, which have suddenly gone dry, and Donghyuck’s eyes fall to his mouth. It has his stomach twisting all over again. “I’d never dated, or gone out or hooked up with anyone before. I kissed someone once in high school, but it was awful and I don’t think it really counts. So it was you. The actual first. It was you.”

Mark sees the moment Donghyuck sucks in a breath. He fights hard against a strong urge to just throw himself into Donghyuck’s arms, kiss him senseless, talk him into giving up this trip. Just convince him into staying here with Mark.

“Before you, I’d never felt the way I feel now,” Mark says, swallowing thickly. “It’s hard being away from you. Not-- not touching you. I’m afraid it’s been that way since the very first kiss, at that club.”

Donghyuck’s blinking rapidly now, chest rising and falling with the rhythm of his breathing. He asks, “What are you trying to say?”

Well, here goes nothing. “That I like you. I-- I didn’t know what it was at first because I’d never felt it before, but I know now. And it was brought to my attention that I wasn’t being fair. I was expecting you to just guess I had these feelings, but I wasn’t doing anything to make you believe them. I’m not telling you this hoping that you’ll take me back or anything, I wouldn’t do that.” Mark lowers his gaze. The weight of Donghyuck’s eyes becomes too much. “I know you might not feel the same way about me.”

“But I do Mark,” Donghyuck lets out a sad, defeated chuckle. “I can’t believe you doubt it. After all the hints I gave you.”

Mark feels sucker punched.

He knows he's gawking, but he doesn't think he's in control of his face anymore. He just looks at Donghyuck, completely at loss.

“I told you I wanted to kiss you again,” Donghyuck says. “Then I told you I didn't want to kiss anyone else but you. Because kissing them wouldn't feel the same.” He groans, rubs both palms over his face. “I was even jealous of your girl friend. I was fucking jealous, Mark.”

So. Donghyuck is trying to say he likes Mark. Is that it? Donghyuck… Likes Mark? What?

“Why did you break things off?” Mark asks. “If you liked me, why did you…?”

“Because,” Donghyuck looks down, blinks at the can of juice. “You said it yourself. You weren't acting as if you felt the same way. And I knew I was in too deep, so I tried to…”

He doesn't have to finish the sentence. Mark understands. He understands it perfectly. Jaemin was right, then. Of course he was.

It was all Donghyuck, Mark didn't lift a finger. He knew he enjoyed being around Donghyuck and liked kissing him, yet Mark never said it, he never even tried to put his thoughts into words. Then, Yerim came and Donghyuck felt insecure. Mark didn't give him a reason to believe what they had was safe, so Yerim was a threat. Mark said yes to what could have been a date, and Donghyuck broke them up. If Mark was saying yes to dates right in front of him it clearly meant Mark wasn't into him. That's the logical thing to assume.

But Donghyuck didn't want it to be serious, Mark recalls.

“You didn't want a relationship,” Mark says, the memory clear as day.

Donghyuck pouts, looks down at his hands. “I know. It was another pathetic attempt at protecting myself.”

“From what?”

“From you, dumbass,” Donghyuck flicks Mark's shoulder. “Every time I came over you were there working on that laptop. You were _so cute_. You don't remember I kept trying to talk to you? Even though you glared at me sometimes because I was interrupting your study time?”

Yeah, Mark remembers. Donghyuck would always say hi, no matter how long he'd be there for. The longer his stay, longer their chats were. Not that Mark was willingly participating.

“I asked Renjun to bring you along when we went out, but he said you were busy,” Donghyuck says. “I stayed out late every Tuesday just to hang out with you.”

At that, Mark frowns and tilts his head. “We were waiting for the shuttle.”

Donghyuck smiles and shakes his head. “I missed the shuttle that first night. My thing used to finish way earlier than yours. I went to the library and waited for you to show up because I wanted to talk. Get to know you.”

That’s why Donghyuck was usually already waiting for Mark when he got to the library. Shit. Mark is really an amateur. Can he even see anything past his law books and case files? Why would Donghyuck fall for someone like him? Mark is the actual worst. And Donghyuck is the best. He’s got this perpetual summer glow about him, sparkling cheeks and long curly lashes. Whenever his little teeth peek from behind his lips Mark wants to die. Donghyuck’s the most gorgeous creature Mark’s ever seen.

Feeling so full of this massive, colorful thing that threatens to eat up his insides, Mark says, “I like you so fucking much.”

It makes Donghyuck smile, wide and bright and beautiful. “You really do, don’t you?”

Mark can only nod, because it aches. It’s been aching for a while and he can’t hold it in anymore. Donghyuck reaches out, places a hand on Mark’s neck, brushes a thumb over the underside of his jaw. His touch leaves a hot trail behind, Mark wants to chase it. So he does. He wraps a hand around Donghyuck’s wrist, and is pulled in. Just as if they were opposite ends of a big magnet.

Donghyuck’s other hand threads into Mark’s hair, and he closes the distance between them.

Their positions are not ideal, so it’s just a press of lips. A firm, long press of lips. Donghyuck pulls back just to have Mark hunt him down, kiss him again. And again. And one more time. Mark breathes in, kissing Donghyuck’s bottom lip, closing his mouth around his top lip, pecking him right at the center of his mouth.

“You smell weird,” Donghyuck says, and Mark chuckles.

“I spent the afternoon picking out vegetables from a garden,” he explains, shooting a quick look at the tote bag lying between them. “Didn’t have time for a shower. Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Donghyuck says. He looks at Mark, brushes some greasy locks away from his face. There’s so much affection in his eyes that Mark feels drunk for a second. “I like you either way.”

Donghyuck kisses down his neck, and Mark giggles. “Thanks for that.”

Humming, Donghyuck says, “My place is nearby. We could go there, you can take a shower. I’ll lend you some clothes.” He leans back in order to look Mark in the eyes. “What do you think?”

Mark doesn’t even have to think about it. “Yeah, let’s go.”

Donghyuck stands up, offers Mark his both hands, and Mark allows himself to be pulled to his feet.

 

Rubbing a towel over his wet hair, Mark steps out of Donghyuck’s bathroom. The pair of grey sweatpants and white t-shirt he’s wearing fit him despite Donghyuck being a bit smaller. The shirt is large, but comfortable. Donghyuck’s room is not big, there’s only space for his bed (a twin) and a desk area. Light comes from the open window, and even in the dimly illuminated room there’s no way Mark would miss the sight of Donghyuck sitting on his bed, back to the headboard and a book on his lap.

Mark tosses the towel on the desk chair, on top of his produce bag, and pads closer to the bed. Donghyuck looks up from the book, blinks at Mark.

It’s shocking. Mark feels a little thrown off by how hard his whole body rattles whenever Donghyuck looks at him. He’s not doing anything, he’s just sitting there, moonlight shining over the edges of his face. Yet, it’s enough to have Mark losing his breath. _So this is what it feels,_ Mark thinks.

Mark kneels on the bed, crawling forward until he’s close enough to touch his nose on Donghyuck’s, hand angling Donghyuck’s jaw so Mark can kiss him. It’s soft, just a brush of lips that lingers, resonates into Mark’s brain as if it’s a spell. Donghyuck exhales, fingers touching Mark’s neck.

Humming, Donghyuck says, “You smell like me.”

Mark smiles, flops down into the tiny space between Donghyuck and the wall. His head is level with Donghyuck’s hip, it allows him to see what’s in the book on Donghyuck’s lap.

“I borrowed your shower gel,” Mark says, throwing an arm over Donghyuck’s legs. Just because he can and Donghyuck is right there. “Do you mind?”

“Not a bit.”

Taking a closer look at the book, Mark realizes it’s filled with sketches. “A sketchbook?”

“Mm? Oh,” Donghyuck runs a hand over the page. “Yeah.”

Donghyuck’s style is atypical, whimsical in a way. The drawings are mostly animals and plants, all colorful and cartoonish. Shadows and intricate details were drawn in the most precise manner, which isn’t surprising at all, since everything Donghyuck does is done perfectly.

“I want to show you something,” Donghyuck says. He flips a couple pages and opens on another sketch. It’s a person this time. Not a person, not really, it’s a… Cat? No, it’s a person, but with cat ears. Mark squints, pushing himself on his elbows so he can catch better sight of the drawing.

“Is-- Is that _me_?”

No doubt that’s Mark. It’s a realistic drawing, none of those eccentric lines, and it becomes pretty clear that the cat-person is, indeed, Mark. He looks up at Donghyuck in shock, and gets a chuckle in return.

“Yeah, that’s you.”

“Why do I have cat ears?” Mark absently pats his hair. Donghyuck laughs again.

“Because that’s how I saw you,” he explains, his own hand reaching out to pet Mark’s hair. “Like a catboy. You were so standoffish. Had a haughty aura about you, made me try too damn hard. You were clearly more comfortable in that corner of the living room with your laptop open. The only thing you didn’t actually do was lick your paws, but that aside, you were a catboy.”

Mark looks down at the drawing, himself in fluffy black cat ears, then back up at Donghyuck. He blinks. Donghyuck scratches behind his ear and giggles. Just like he’s hearing a mermaid sing, Mark smiles and leans into Donghyuck’s touch.

“Such a good kitty,” Donghyuck teases, and Mark hisses, making him laugh.

“When did you draw this?”

“After that first night at the library. Couldn’t sleep before it was done.” Donghyuck runs his eyes all over Mark’s face. He keeps brushing Mark’s hair, delicate and fond in the way he touches, thumbs occasionally caressing over the line of Mark’s eyebrows. It’s so nice and relaxing, Mark can’t help but close his eyes.

Mark likes this. Being here next to Donghyuck sends an easy flow of sensations through his system. It calms him down. Mark presses his face onto Donghyuck’s hip, tightening his hold around Donghyuck, breathing him in. He pushes the book out of the way and sneaks his head onto Donghyuck’s lap. Mark could get used to this in record time, honestly. It’s not hard to picture how it would all play out. They’d meet here after a long day, shower, lay down next to each other and make out, maybe watch a movie, talk about their classes and the people they met. On the weekends they’d go out with the usual crowd. Perhaps Mark could properly introduce Donghyuck to Yerim, bring him to a karaoke night. Mark thinks Johnny would really like Donghyuck. Now that he’s thinking about it, it’s obvious how well they’d fit in each other’s lives. It would be so natural. Effortless.

Except all that would happen in another dimension. An universe where Donghyuck was not going away to Japan, and Mark would have all the time in the world to explore being in a relationship with him.

“You’re so comfortable,” Donghyuck says. His voice is soothing, breaking the silence gently. Mark hums. Donghyuck touches his earlobe. “I like that you’re clinging.”

Funny thing, Mark has never been clingy, not even as a child. He guesses it’s one more thing that came with Donghyuck. And then, amid all the peace and quiet, is the reminder that comes Friday Donghyuck will be packing up and leaving to Japan. Mark sighs, clings tighter. In another universe (the perfect one), Donghyuck would have gotten that merit fellowship in their university, and Mark would suggest that their relationship became completely exclusive. A commitment.

Before he can stop himself, Mark says, “I don’t want you to go.”

The hand caressing him stills. There’s an audible, sharp intake of breath. Mark swallows.

“I didn’t want to leave either,” Donghyuck says. “Not right now.”

Not when things are finally falling into place.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I made it all difficult.”

“It was both of us,” Donghyuck resumes his ministrations, fingers threading into Mark’s hair. “I was scared, you were confused.”

“I was never confused,” Mark says promptly. “Unable to identify what I was feeling, maybe, but not confused. I knew I was attracted to you from the start. I called you Summer Boy in my head because you were so wholesome.”

Donghyuck laughs and slides down onto the mattress. It forces Mark to reposition himself, hold up until Donghyuck adjusts. They lie down face to face, Donghyuck’s fingers playing with the collar of Mark’s borrowed white shirt.

“Do you still see me like that?” He asks, a little hesitant. “Wholesome Summer Boy?”

Mark gazes at him, marvels at the way the touch of moonlight on his back, the way it makes his silhouette shine. There’s not a hint of doubt in Mark’s voice when he says, “Yes.”

The smile Donghyuck gives him is blinding, so much it could literally rival the sun (maybe not, but to Mark the effect is the same). He leans in, pushes his face into Mark’s neck. Mark’s arm circles his waist, brings him that much closer. His other hand traces the slope of Donghyuck’s neck, the bow of his lips.

Mark plants a kiss on Donghyuck’s cheek, then the corner of his mouth. Donghyuck giggles, and Mark smiles, catching his mouth. They’re laughing and kissing at the same time; Mark’s heart feels warm and so full it could explode any minute. The transition from playful to intense is smooth. It starts with Donghyuck’s arms around Mark’s neck, one of Mark’s hands settling on Donghyuck’s hips, squeezing him there. The giggles turn into gasps, and soon, their tongues are sliding against each other.

Seems like Mark will never get used to kissing Donghyuck. They lie there for what might be hours, the only sound in Donghyuck’s small room coming from their mouths catching, the tiny moans, the needy requests for more. Every time there’s something different, a new feeling erupting inside Mark, another twist in his gut. It makes him kiss Donghyuck a little deeper, hunt those feelings down, search every corner of Donghyuck for the next sensation.

 

Hours later, way into the night (they’re so fucked, waking up is gonna be a pain), Mark sits with his back against the headboard of the bed and Donghyuck in between his legs, Mark’s arms around him. They’re watching a compilation of cat jump fails on Donghyuck’s phone. Mark’s eyelids are starting to feel heavy and exhaustion quickly catches up with him. He’s still trying to fight it, though, sneaking a kiss or two on Donghyuck’s neck, nipping on his ear.

“Three months,” Donghyuck says, out of nowhere.

Mark halts, removes his mouth from Donghyuck’s neck. “Mm?”

The phone in Donghyuck’s hands drops, and he twists around in Mark’s embrace, just enough so they can face each other. “It’s just three months. That’s not too much. I wouldn’t even think about it if we were talking about a whole year, but three months… We can deal with that.”

His words make sense albeit slowly, Mark’s understanding delayed by his sleepy brain. “Are you talking about us?”

Donghyuck nods. “About us. And these three months. I’m gonna be in Japan, and you’ll be here. But there’s nothing stopping us from _being_ anything. You get it?”

It’s getting a little confusing, but Mark is still following. Donghyuck wants them to be together for those three months. He wants Mark to wait for him. It’s not like Mark hasn’t considered the possibility; it’s crossed his mind. He just didn’t have it in himself to ask that from Donghyuck. He’ll be in another country, new people all around him. What if he meets someone who picks his interest and the commitment he makes with Mark stops him from pursuing that? Mark wouldn’t want that for Donghyuck. Yet, he’s here, telling Mark he can wait. That whilst being apart, they could be together anyway.

Eyes searching over Donghyuck’s face, Mark asks, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck says, and smiles. Summer bright. “I want us to try this.”

 

\--

 

Getting out of bed the next day is a hassle. Not because he wakes up with Donghyuck wrapped around him like vine, breath on Mark’s neck and hair tickling his nose. That could never be seen as a hassle, Mark thinks. The real problem is convincing himself wasting his day away in bed with Donghyuck is not a good idea, Mark wearing Donghyuck’s clothes and Donghyuck still in the red overalls he wore the previous day.

Sunbeam filters in through the window, shines on the blanket around Mark and Donghyuck’s legs. Soon enough it will reach their faces. Mark could wait until then to shake Donghyuck awake, but they’ve got classes.

Pulling back just enough so he can see Donghyuck’s face, Mark gently removes the red headband that, during his sleep, pushed Donghyuck’s hair back. The action makes Donghyuck’s eyebrows furrow, and he stirs with a low grunt. Mark watches him for a little while, the cute way his face scrunches up at being disturbed.

“Hyuckie?” Mark whispers, brushing away a few hair strands. Donghyuck stirs again, and his eyelids slowly flutter open. Mark smiles. “Hey.”

Donghyuck groans, his eyes fall closed again, and he burrows back into Mark’s embrace. “What time is it?”

“No idea.”

In a swift move, Donghyuck turns around, grabs his phone from the bedside table, and returns to his original position. He taps at the screen and groans again.

“Five to eleven. We slept through our morning classes.” Donghyuck says. Then, he sighs. “Well, I’ve been dismissed from attending those lessons since Monday. I wasn’t planning on going anyway.”

“How is that working, by the way? Are you gonna fail the courses?”

“Nah,” Donghyuck’s arms tighten around Mark’s waist. “I handed over a few papers last week that are supposed to count as my finals grade. There’s only one last thing I should do and the professor said I could email her.”

“So when you said you were busy it wasn’t an excuse?”

“No, it was an excuse. I was busy, but I could have replied to your texts.”

Mark snorts, lips brushing over Donghyuck’s forehead. It doesn’t matter now. He’s not about to waste their precious Thursday talking about stuff that’s already past them.

“What do you have planned for today?” Mark asks.

“Nothing, really. I was just going to relax, maybe see Injunnie one last time.” Donghyuck’s arms loosen around Mark and he leans back. “Why, is there anything you wanna do?”

Mark wasn’t thinking about anything special. He was just hoping to spend his day with Donghyuck, classes be damned. “No. But I have to get those vegetables home. Maybe we could cook them? The people from the garden said they taste amazing because of the way they’re grown, you know.”

Donghyuck frowns, but he’s smiling at the same time. “Yeah, what’s up with you harvesting goods?”

“My E-Law professor mentioned it in class and I was curious, nothing much.”

Humming, Donghyuck gazes at him for a few seconds and then detangles himself from Mark. He gets up and yawns, stretching. “I need a shower. Then we can go.”

Mark nods, folding his arms back and under his head. “I’ll browse online for recipes.”

“Do you even know how to cook?”

“No, but there’s always a first, right?”

 

They end up simply roasting and seasoning the vegetables. Renjun supervises them, shouting orders left and right, getting them in strong chokeholds if they refuse to follow his commands. Mark guesses it’s a good thing Renjun is around. If he weren’t, no one would have noticed when a dishcloth caught fire and disaster would have ensued.

It turns out pretty tasty. They fry a couple nuggets (against Renjun’s fervent protests because they’re ruining a healthy meal) and wash it all down with some orange juice they had in the fridge. Afterward, Mark changes out of Donghyuck’s clothes and tosses the ones he wore the previous day into the hamper. Mark folds Donghyuck’s clothing neatly but doesn’t give it back to him right away under the excuse of washing it. Donghyuck doesn’t question his decision.

They laze around the apartment for a bit, cuddling up to each other on the couch, mindlessly chatting about stuff that doesn’t matter. They watch an episode of this one show Donghyuck likes about a police station, it’s pretty funny. He makes Mark promise he’ll watch the whole thing; _three months is plenty of time, Mark_.

At some point Renjun leaves for whatever reason, and it’s just Mark and Donghyuck on the couch exchanging smooches and loving touches, Donghyuck’s legs thrown over Mark’s thighs, arms around his neck. Something about their kisses has changed. They’ve kissed each other many times before, but now there’s an element to it that Mark can’t put a name to. It’s something that curls deep inside him, that travels all the way up his body, makes him grip Donghyuck tighter. Mark can tell Donghyuck likes him from the way he’s being kissed, and he’s got an inkling that Donghyuck can sense Mark’s affection as well. Mark digs kissing like this. It’s the best thing he’s ever tried.

When night falls Donghyuck gets a text from Renjun suggesting they all go out for food. They end up at a noodle place that Mark would have ignored in any other situation. It looks sketchy, but the food is great. Having Jisung and Chenle around is a recipe for chaos, Mark learns, but they’re fun, and Donghyuck is clearly taken by them. While they’re eating, Jaehyun calls Mark about a pickup game of basketball they’re gathering to play, and Mark asks if he can bring some friends along.

That’s how he ends up at a campus court at 9 PM. Turns out Yukhei and Jeno know Johnny and Jaehyun from basketball or something. They’re not on the same team, but apparently, jocks all know about each other. Jisung and Chenle make rounds poking and bothering the older guys, who don’t seem at all bothered by their antics.

Mark tenses slightly when Yerim comes over to greet them. She looks at Donghyuck, smiles.

“Hi. We’ve met before, but I wanted to introduce myself again. I’m Yerim. Mark’s classmate,” Yerim looks at Mark, then back at Donghyuck. “And friend. But that’s the gist of it, I promise.”

Donghyuck, always nice, smiles back at her, although he wraps an arm around Mark’s waist. It’s a showy, possessive gesture. “Hi Yerim, I’m Donghyuck. You’re still pretty.”

Instant relief washes over Mark.

Yerim chuckles bashfully, tucks a hair strand behind her ear. She doesn’t have time to reply before Joohyun comes over and strikes up a conversation about having seen Donghyuck in Song Hall.

“Two months ago, I think, there was an animation event. You had a short film shown there, right? Seafoam Salt.” Joohyun asks.

“Ah, yeah. It was a group project, actually. We got third place.”

Joohyun looks at him with admiration in her eyes. “That was outstanding! I’m an art grad and a colleague of mine did an analysis of your film. She was fascinated by it.”

Donghyuck doesn’t look surprised, even though what Joohyun is reporting is pretty amazing. “Ah, Son Wendy?” Joohyun nods in agreement. “She asked us for permission. Her article was amazing. My classmate cried reading the section about the film’s take on parenthood. He came up with the story and wrote the script based on his own experiences.”

Mark knew Donghyuck was incredible, but hearing someone else gush about his achievements and skills fills Mark’s chest with pride. He doesn’t know half of what Donghyuck is capable of, and that excites him. Mark wants to hear about all of it. He wants to hear about Seafoam Salt, he wants to ask about his classes, his next projects, everything.

When Joohyun and Yerim wander off, Donghyuck asks, “What are you doing hanging out with grad students?”

Mark chuckles. “Not all of them are grad students. Jaehyun is a senior.”

As if he heard his name, Jaehyun approaches them asking if they’re ready to play.

Mark’s not into sports, so he knew he’d suck. Donghyuck, however, is good at everything. Except sports, it seems. It’s surprising, Mark spends half the game gawking at his wrong passes, laughing whenever one of the other guys steals the ball from his hands. At one moment he looks so cute bouncing that ball, unsure of what to do with it, that Mark tries to steal it himself, the fact that they’re supposed to be on the same team completely forgotten.

Donghyuck gasps at him in mock surprise, hiding the ball behind his back despite Doyoung yelling that he’s not supposed to do that. Mark reaches for it, arms around Donghyuck in a half-hearted attempt at grabbing the ball. They're both a mess of giggles, Donghyuck’s eyes shining with mischief. He looks so happy. Mark couldn’t care less about the damn ball, grabbing Donghyuck’s face between his hands and kissing him senseless. Donghyuck’s arms find their way around Mark’s waist, promptly kissing him back. A rain of hoots and catcalls falls upon them.

Someone clears their throat next to them, effectively interrupting the kiss. Mark doesn’t move one bit away from Donghyuck, though.

“Um.” Jaehyun looks quite embarrassed to be talking to them right now. “Sorry to bother you guys. But. Could you please move aside if you’re not playing anymore? It’s just that you’re making out in the middle of the court, so.”

Donghyuck plants a kiss on his cheek and Mark smiles at Jaehyun, out of his mind. “Sorry, man. We’ll play.”

At that, Donghyuck grunts and shakes his head. “Pass. I saw a vending machine on our way here, I’ll grab us something to drink.”

“Okay,” Mark pinches Donghyuck’s chin and kisses him again. “Don’t take too long.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Donghyuck pulls away and winks at Mark, turning on his heels and walking out. Mark just watches him for a second, feeling so fucking head over heels it’s not even funny.

Something smacks the side of his head, and Mark stumbles. He whips his head in shock, trying to identify who threw a ball at him. He finds Yuta, an unimpressed look on his face and arms folded over his chest.

“Dude. Come on.”

Mark scratches the back of his head. “Sorry. Let’s go, let’s play.”

They resume the match and now that Donghyuck is not there to distract him, Mark manages to make a few good moves. Johnny compliments his performance, and he feels giddy. Not just because he’s flattered, but also _everything_.

Being here playing basketball with friends, which is something he just never does. Having people he can actually call friends, even though he hasn’t known most of them for long. There’s also Donghyuck. _Donghyuck_ , who waltzed into Mark’s life and turned everything upside down. Lit up Mark’s universe like a full sun.

When Donghyuck comes back, he sits down by the benches next to Yerim, Joohyun, Jisung, and Renjun. Joohyun is braiding Jisung’s hair while Yerim shows Renjun something on her phone. Donghyuck looks over their shoulders and inserts himself into the conversation easy. Mark grins but doesn’t dwell on it because soon enough Jeno is yelling at him to get his head in the game, which reminds him of Troy Bolton (his one high school guilty pleasure).

Mark’s team loses the game, but he’s never felt more like a winner.

 

\--

 

According to his phone, it’s six in the morning. Donghyuck is supposed to be at the airport at eight since his flight is at nine. Yukhei came over with his dad’s car and is helping load all of Donghyuck’s stuff in the trunk. He keeps grunting and pointing out that Donghyuck owes him for this, that he’s supposed to be really back in three months so he can repay Yukhei’s kindness. Mark guesses he’s not the only one feeling rather antsy about Donghyuck going away.

His hands are sweaty, and he’s in a constant state of anxiety. It’s like Mark’s not really here. People talk to him and he replies without thinking about what he’s saying like he’s on autopilot.

He knows Donghyuck can see right through him, touching Mark with kind fingers, kissing his cheek as if to say ‘I’m sorry’. His mom calls a couple times. Donghyuck says she wanted to have come, but his family lives too far for them to come over just to send him off. He tries to hide it, but there’s a hint of nostalgia when he mentions.

The trip to the airport is not a long one. It might have taken hours, but to Mark, it passes in a blur.

Standing in front of Donghyuck at the airport, a sleepy Yukhei yawning a few steps behind them, Mark realizes he’s not really ready for this.

“Do you have your coat?” Mark asks, eyes running all over Donghyuck, checking if he’s got everything. Shoes: tied. Pants: zipped up. Backpack: over shoulders. Coat: in hands.

Donghyuck nods, lifting his hand for Mark’s inspection. “Right here.”

“You know it’s cold in the plane, so.”

“I know, I got it.”

“Okay.”

They stand there in silence for a while, eyes grazing, looking away, then falling back on each other. Mark clears his throat.

“I’m gonna miss you, Hyuckie,” he says.

Pouting, Donghyuck says, “I’m gonna miss you too.”

Mark smiles, stepping closer and brushing a thumb over the lip that’s jutting out. “Will you call me?”

“Every day if you want me to,” Donghyuck says, tugging at the fabric of Mark’s shirt. “You’ll be here, right? When I come back.”

With Donghyuck’s palm over Mark’s chest, Mark runs his hands back and forth Donghyuck’s forearm. “Of course.”

Donghyuck takes in a breath and nods, but he still looks uncertain. He downcasts his eyes for a moment, sucks in another breath, then faces Mark once more. “I wanted to tell you that I’m not going to hook up with anyone while I’m there. I’m not telling you this so you feel like you have to do the same. Just wanted you to know.”

To Mark, it was clear that this would be an exclusive thing the moment Donghyuck suggested it. But maybe things weren’t as transparent as he thought. They never put a name to what’s going on between them, and _that_ might be generating some questions in Donghyuck’s head. If there’s one thing that Mark knows he’s gotta work on is communication, and he’s willing to put some real effort on it.

“Hyuckie, I told you. Why would I hook up with anyone else while you’re right here?”

“But I won’t be here, that’s what I’m trying to say--”

Mark shakes his head, touching a lock of Donghyuck’s hair, that’s grown long enough for Mark to be able to tuck it behind his ear. “I don’t mean here in the city. I mean here as in the world.” Donghyuck tilts his head in confusion. “I couldn’t possibly want anyone else when you exist. Get it?”

Understanding falls over Donghyuck, and the look in his eyes softens. He seems pleased enough, but Mark is not done.

“I want you to be my boyfriend,” he says. “And I want to be yours as well.”

Donghyuck clearly wasn’t ready for that. His jaw drops, and his eyes widen comically. Mark laughs, pinches his cheeks because he’s so cute. Everything he does is adorable.

“What?” Donghyuck blinks rapidly. “You-- are you asking me…?”

“Yes, Hyuckie. What do you say?” Mark takes one last step closer, squeezes Donghyuck’s arm.

Mark watches Donghyuck fight back the astonishment as slowly, a big, blinding grin takes over his face. He laughs, a fist playfully hitting Mark’s chest. “Mark Lee, you absolute fool.” He then hooks an arm around Mark’s neck and kisses him, longing and passionate. “I’m all yours.”

Donghyuck boards his plane and Mark plasters himself to a giant window until it takes off. Yukhei gives him a ride back to his place, pats Mark’s shoulder in a comforting manner and says that three months go by really fast. Surprisingly, Mark is not sad. Not anymore, at least.

Because Yukhei is right. Three months go by in the blink of an eye. Donghyuck will be back before Mark knows it, and while he waits, he’ll have Renjun, Jeno, Yerim and the whole gang he managed to get himself attached to. It’s not all bad. Mark will be fine.

 

 

**EPILOGUE**

“What the fuck are you doing man, that’s too much!”

“No, it’s not. He’ll be here any minute, we must be prepared.”

“That’s a lot of food! He won’t be physically able to ingest all that.”

“Then we’ll put everything in tupperwares and he’ll eat it later.”

“Renjun, we own a grand total of two plastic containers.”

“Why are you trying to ruin everything?”

“Because you’re going too far, how much did you spend on all this food?”

“It’s none of your business!”

“His dad is rich,” Jeno adds helpfully. He’s currently sitting on the couch watching as Mark and Renjun bicker over what’s been dubbed The Sunrise Ceremony. Because everyone agrees that Donghyuck is warm like the sun and he’s finally coming back to them, so. It made sense at the time although Chenle kept making fun of them saying it was stupid.

“Shut the fuck up, no one asked you anything ever!” Renjun bursts, and proceeds to unbag more takeout.

Mark’s counted at least nine different bags. There are hamburgers, cold noodles from that hole in the wall restaurant they found months ago, rolls and more rolls of kimbap, stew, more noodles… It’s a lot of food, they haven’t even invited anyone. It’s just going to be the three of them, Jisung, Chenle, Yukhei, and two of Donghyuck’s classmates. Renjun’s even threatened to personally castrate Chenle and Jisung if any of them had the fleeting thought of inviting anyone else. It was pretty effective, they haven’t shown their faces in the apartment yet.

Arguing with Renjun is futile, so Mark just lets him do whatever the hell he wants and grabs one of the bags of chips he bought earlier. Those won’t be necessary anymore, will they? He flops down next to Jeno and offers him the bag. Jeno smiles, grabbing a handful.

“You anxious?” He asks.

Mark sighs, ponders. Is he anxious?

The past three months were not exactly a ride in the park, but not taxing either. He went back to his routine of studying and attending his classes. Managed to get closer to a T.A., Moon Taeil, who’s helping him publish his first ever article. Mark is planning on going to Law school after graduation, and to be admitted without any problems he needs his undergrad transcript to be stellar. Having articles published will be certainly helpful. Donghyuck also looked up possible fellowships Mark could apply to, internships that will give him more insight.

They talked every single day the first two weeks, but then, Donghyuck’s work at the University of Kyoto got strenuous, which reduced their Skyping dates to once every two days. They texted all the time, though. Sometimes, Donghyuck would look or sound too tired, a bit melancholic, and Mark would distract him, talk to Donghyuck until he fell asleep. Other times it was Mark who would let his exhaustion show, pouring all his concerns and insecurities on their chat window. Donghyuck would call him, no matter how late it was, to whisper words of reassurance into Mark’s ear.

They Skyped during Mark’s visit to Jaemin’s house, Ron Weasley refusing to move away from the keyboard on Mark’s laptop, his orange tail swaying in front of the camera.

Mark missed Donghyuck like crazy those three months. Sure, they couldn’t kiss (the actual WORST!) or cuddle or fall asleep together, but it never really felt like he was away.

Just as Mark is preparing to tell Jeno that he’s not anxious at all, there’s a knock on the front door, and Mark’s heart skips a beat.

“Fuck, they’re here!” Renjun curses and dashes, hurrying to get the door open.

There he is, standing next to Yukhei. Donghyuck doesn’t look any different from what Mark remembers, and he would never, considering they Skyped the whole time they were apart. His hair, though, is longer -- too long, tied back in a loose bun. He looks exactly the same. Yet, Mark feels like he’s falling in love all over again.

Completely in character, Renjun puts Donghyuck in a chokehold and yells about him being away too long. Yukhei snorts and comes in, waving at Jeno and Mark. Donghyuck allows himself to be manhandled, his Pikachu shirt riding up with the force of Renjun’s ‘embrace’. When Renjun finally lets him go, Jeno is there to greet him, commenting on his hairstyle. The whole time Mark’s stomach twists, and he inwardly laughs at himself for denying being anxious.

Jeno steps aside, and Donghyuck’s eyes meet Mark’s.

He looks good. So good. He looks great. For a beat or two, they just stand there, observing each other, probably waiting for the other one to make the first move. It’s silly. They’ve spoken every day, be it via text messaging or Skype calls. Why the hesitation now? This isn’t just any person, this is Donghyuck. Mark’s boyfriend.

So Mark swallows around the thickness in his throat and smiles just as Donghyuck steps inside with a grin of his own.

“Hi, Summer Boy,” Mark says. “Missed me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> @ [twitter](https://twitter.com/maplemooncake)


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